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My husband and i just finished all of the paper work and physicals etc. it took over a month. we have not even started our home study...we were so excited to be begining the process, getting the money out of home equity took about a month.we recieved health insurance forms from the agency in the mail last week for our future child's arrival, but in the same pile of mail we recieved a letter stating that we may not be able to adopt because my husbands debt is almost close to what he brings in.The agency said that they don't look highly on people who have to refinance their home to adopt, because if you cannot afford the up front cost than you cannot support a child. We have a bio son almost three,...I stay with him full time...my husband is self-employed, we have no 401-k plans not a ton in savings but our home isthe only really good investment we have. we gave up the new car, vacations,etc. we are middle class, have a pretty good familylife, don't want to go back to the fertility clinic even though our insurance covers it. We want to adopt.We aren't rich,..the woman at the agency said that most woman work and she can't understand how my husband affords to live on one income, she said it would not be possible for a second child. I grew up in a family of 8, on one income...we learned how to share and appreciate things, we struggled a bit, but dad worked very hard on his on business which is now very successful. I know we more than meet the korean income requirements,25-30,000. a year. My husband works long days, our debt seems normal, school loans, house, car ,one small credit card. I wish I hadn't done all that work for nothing.My husband is really upset because the next day we recieved a 2000.00 invoice for service fees for the first half of our homestudy when we haven't even been approved. this has been a sad Thanksgiving because instead of talking about the excitement of adopting we were giving bad news. can someone please help...what are we doing wrong?
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Hi Dawn,
I am so very sorry that this Thanksgiving has been a downer for you. I feel your frustration. We also took out a home equity loan to finance the major part of our son's adoption. I've heard that there are some agencies that are more strict than others when it comes to using a loan to finance the adoption. It just doesn't seem right to me that an agency can tell you that you can't take out a loan to finance your adoption. People don't even bat an eye to take out a $25,000 to $30,000 or more loan to finance a car. We are paying off our loan with our tax credit that we should get for this year's taxes. Since you aren't that far into the process, could you check to see if there's another agency that you could use that wouldn't mind if you used a loan? I'm not sure where you live, so that might have some bearing, too. Please don't give up on your dream because there's a special baby out there that's just waiting for you. Hang in there, and try not to get too discouraged.
Cathy
Mom to J.R. (James Randall-Lee, born 6/7/03, home 11/6/03)
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thank you for your advice.We are in Massachusetts. We are starting to look for a better agency, the finance lady at our current agency has asked for my husband to write her a list of what we pay out monthly. We realize that this state is extremely expensive to live in and it is getting worse but this is where our family is. We know the value of our house and always think that if it gets really tight living here we would move south where it would be a little less. I am almost sure that this agency will not work but my husband wants a definate answer in writing as to why we have been denied the opportunity to adopt through them. God must have another agency in mind, maybe a less expensive one with nicer people who are used to dealing with average people who have average income and debt,and who also have a whole lot of love just waiting for a little angel to grace our lives.
Dawn,
We used our HELOC to help pay for our adoption. My co-worker borrowed against her 401K to pay for hers. My brother also used a second home loan to pay for the adoption of my nephew. I really do not know of anyone who has not borrowed to help pay for an adoption.
What agency are you using?
Melissa
I think your agency really stinks!!! I don't think it really matters how you pay for the adoption...as long as it doesn't put you into major debt!! Maybe if the agency fees weren't so high more people would be able to adopt.
My husband and I have a son from Korea who came home in June. I do not work, and our social worker was not at all concerned about it. In fact, you would think the agency would be pleased to know that you are a stay at home mother.
Wow...your post really made me mad!!! I wish you all the best. Don't give up the hope of adding to your family. I think you will find better success with a different agency. I would also think twice about paying the agency fee in full. If no home study has been performed yet, I don't see how you are responsible for the entire fee.
Leigh Ann:mad: :mad:
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HI Dawn,
I know there is one agency we looked into in Mass. (where we live) and they even showed different credit card options. I do think it stinks it is so expensive..but in the long run isn't much compared to a car etc.
We are not done with trying fertility only because it is paid for in MA. If I could stop tomorrow and have the $ for adoption instead I would.
Check around and feel free to PM me the agency we have looked into seems very reasonable about $ and I would love to know who you are using since we are in the same state.
Thanks
CC
Dawn,
I am adopting from a different country, but I just had to chime in because our social worker doing our homestudy made some kind of comment about our finances when she was looking over our financial statement that we had to prepare.
I can see both sides -- Yes, you do need to have enough money to raise children; there are a lot of costs. HOWEVER, as many of our friends with kids have pointed out, it is not THAT expensive. It can be expensive if you buy a lot of "luxury" items and you have to pay for day care and you are not a careful shopper and/or you don't receive any gifts from relatives and friends. But since you already have a child, I don't see how much more difference it would make in the raising of the child. Also, as most posters have pointed out, while international adoption is expensive, it is no more expensive than buying a new car, for many people.
It could just be the social worker's own perception, not that of the country you will be adoptinng from.
In our case, our sw is a very nice, older lady that we enjoyed talking to. However, when we were going over our financial statement, I mentioned that I would not be working at all when the baby came home, and then probably only part time after she is about a year old. Now, I am/have been a graduate student for hte past few years, so I make very little money ANYWAY, just teaching one class a semester. Still, she said something like "Well, you can make it, but you will have to make a budget and stick to it." That comment seemed ridiculous to us, as we have been putting quite a bit away each month into our "adoption fund" savings account, which we won't need to be doing once she's here. Then the sw went on about how I should be able to find a good job with a master's degree. ... I think there is a perception from some people, especially women from a different generation, that you are *wasting* your education if you choose to forgo a career in lieu of being a stay at home mom, and maybe THAT is part of what is behind the comments the people at your agency made. I have to admit, this is a struggle I had to deal with on a personal level with myself -- until I remembered that one of the reasons I chose my particular educational path was so that I would be able to find part-time work that I love that is also high paying (for a part-time job) and offers flexible hours.
On the other hand (how many hands do I have here), we didn't argue with our social worker, and I have to realize she has no idea about the amount of thinking we put into how adding a new baby to our family will affect our lives and our finances, so she was probably just offering some friendly ADVICE so that we do think about it and make plans before some kind of problem arises.
DO YOU ALREADY KNOW FOR SURE THAT THEY ARE NOT GOING TO APPROVE YOU IN YOUR HOMESTUDY? If not, I would make up a budget and show the homestudy lady just how you will be able to make the payments AND take care of your family on a monthly basis. I would ask her specifically about these issues. I wouldn't do it in a confrontational way -- maybe just say that her comments made you really think about the situation and map out how you will actually deal with the problem. You might also point out on your "map" or budget notes that you will be getting a 10,000 tax credit -- although you need to look through last years taxes and check that out... some people don't pay enough in taxes to get it all back in one year.
As far as the payment of the fee for the homestudy, I am not sure you would be entitled not to pay that, depending on how much time has been spent on your case. If all they have done is looked at your financial issues, that is one thing, but if they read your biography and contacted your references, interviewed you, etc., I think they have done everything except the write-up. We cannot only pay these agencies if they give us a passing homestudy, as that would be coercive and unethical. The purpose of hte homestudy is to give a detached opinion of whether that home is appropriate. On the other hand, most sw are expecting and hoping to give a favorable report and would warn you if there was a problem.
Also - I don't know about this for sure - but if you KNOW it is unfavorable and/or you have been convinced to go to another homestudy agency, I would try to do everything to stop them from writing up the homestudy and sending it to USCIS (immigration). Some of the things I have read and heard from others indicate that immigration won't approve you if you get a different homestudy from the one that is originally sent to them (on the same adoption, of course). I could be wrong about this.
Sorry this was a book! I am sorry that your agency is being such a pain, and I hope you find some kind of solution so that you can have a happier holiday season!
-D.
I'm also in MA. I'm curious whether the agency you're referring to is one I checked out but didn't go further with because of the requirements. It's brochure said one parent had to stay home for a year (I'm taking off 2-4 months but can't do a whole year; however, I'm a teacher so I will be home alot) and you had to show through bank statements and tax returns that you could finance the adoption without a loan of any kind. I think that agency wants to be able to say that their clientele are the elite wealthy. I looked at 2 other agencies (both in MA) who gave information on how to finance adoption including taking home equity loans and asking family for $$. We just started this process and I will be spending Christmas break at the bank applying for our loan. We are in southern MA so it is a bit cheaper than northern but growing steadily. Our home has tripled since we bought it 7 years ago and values just jumped again.
Jasonsmom
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When we adopted our older son in 2000 my husband had just retired from the military (enlisted) and had only just started to work in a new field of employment. Maryland is very expensive to live in. We both had a lot of debt. We had to take out a loan to pay most of the adoption expenses. We had no problems adopting. We got some question from the social worker on how we planned to cover everything but not to invasive. Our agency even has a sliding scale fee dependant on income. Unfortunatly (or fortunatly) by our second adoption we were on the top end of that scale.I would explore your other options. They may be limited if your heart is set on Korea but definatly talk to Holt and see if there is another agency that can facilitate an adoption through them.