Decisions that could change ones life

LOL ~ I remember that line well! I can totally relate to not being sure about initiating contact. I always had a fear of opening a Pandora's Box and not being able to close it!! :eek: When I first sent for my non-id information, that was all I planned to do. Then I discovered this forum and read a post by a biological Father stating that he hoped, before he went to his grave, he learned what happened to his child. This post motivated me to move forward with contact letters. The social worker at the agency that handled my adoption served as a confidential intermediary and sent out contact letters. My bioFather and I exchanged letters for many months thru the social worker then finally exchanged addresses. A bioHalf-sibling and I exchanged emails and then phone calls and eventually bioFather and I spoke on the phone. We live a great distance apart but I did eventually meet them. While bioFather is happy to learn that I did have the life that he hoped I would, no one really dwelled on wondering what happened to me over the years. It was fun to see a physical resemblance to someone. They're nice people and we've continued to exchange phone calls ~ usually made by me ~ but really don't have anything in common. There certainly isn't any sort of magical connection with these biological strangers. If you decide to move forward, I would keep your expectations very realistic. I basically had no expectations thus I was not at all dissapointed. Probably the most positive thing I have gained by this experience is the knowledge that what I believed all these years is absolutely true ~ that being adopted by my parents was truly a blessing for me. Best of Luck! :)

Thanks-- Very insightful

Hi..I felt exactly the same way. I had the ohio birth index with the list of all babies born on my bday for over a year before i even had the guts to order my non-id info. I knew one of the 80+ names was me (and actually picked out my name without knowing anything..just had a feeling about it). When I finally got my non-id I felt like I finally knew what I was. I always felt like some discarded mutt thrown to the side of the road. I found out about my ancestry..my roots and it is a wonderful feeling. I sent a contact letter to my bmother, then a follow-up note hoping she was ok (big shock after 40yrs to finally hear from someone) and the day after Thanksgiving recd a beautiful card and letter from her. I am taking this slow (as is she I suppose) and am hoping to someday talk to her and maybe even meet her. Just by receiving her letter I feel a sense of peace that she acknowledged me and didn't slam a door in my face (so to speak.) I wish you luck in your journey and something that really helped me throughout this process was the chats in here and also keeping a journal of my feelings. Maybe someday I'll share it with my bmom. Who knows? Happy Holidays and good luck again.

I think of mutual respect when I think of reunion. I do my absolute best to respect my bsons wishes about our reunion.. I try and read what he is telling me or not outright telling me.. I think he and I are similar in our wishes.. We are taking it slow.. If you just want info I believe you have an absolute right to that info.. You can tell her (or birthfather) you are not ready for anything else.. Its a journey.. We get to set boundaries.. Jackie

Doug, Charleton also did realize he was finally home........before, he thought he was on a different planet. My reunion experence has been positive thus far for both myself and my bmom but it wouldn't be fair for me to say that I think every adoptee should search and reunite with their bfamily. You have to really want more than just medical info or basic background info. But someone usually has to make the first move and it can be done in a way without someone suddenly appearing on a doorstep. I think it's a good sign that you feel cautious about searching as it shows you have respect toward them. That's actually an excellent way to begin a search. Chris

I would take it slow and follow your heart. Search and reunion is an emotional roller coaster. But any information gained can be priceless. Barbara ISO bdaughter 6-6-71

Hi I had always, always wanted to reunite with my birth mom and birth family. I started by sending for my non ID and poured over it for a long time just savoring every bit of information. As each new piece of the puzzle became available I took time to really enjoy it. It was very sad to find that my bmom had passed away before I found out who she was but I have reunited with my 8 birth siblings and it has been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Each one is unique and has welcomed me in his or her own way. My adoptive parents passed away right before I found my birth family so I was left without a "family" and now I have a huge one! It has been a wonderful experience for me with the exception of only 1 person (a cousin) But as you can see from reading posts here everyone's experience is different. Although I still believe knowing is so much better than not knowing - no matter what is found. But that is just my feeling. Why don't you see how you feel as you receive more info.? You will probably be able to tell just from your own feelings if you want to obtain more info. have contact or if you are satisfied with what you have found. If you do decide to have contact there is much preparation that you must do inside of yourself. You must be prepared for every eventuality and also for emotions that crop up out of nowhere. Best wishes to you no matter what your decision is. Snuffie

What do you have to loose? It took a while for me to "bond" with my father but now we get along famously. What an eye opener it is to be around people that you not only feel a connection to but also share a likeness with. I highly recommend it.

Hi Doug..........I sent you another message...........Did you get it? Antoinette

Hi Doug.....I am not computer saavy at all. Don't know what I am doing wrong.........Did you received my last message? Antoinette