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We are considering a placement for a 3 year old girl who has already been diagnosed with RAD and ADHD. I have been told by several workers that they have not ever seen a child as young as this be already diagnosed with RAD. I have researched this a bit, but want some real advice from anyone who has gone through this with their child.
How tough is it?
A little background on our family, we have a 7 year old bio boy already in our home. Our son had a heart defect and other medical issues during his first 5 years of life. We knew at some point we would be done with the surgeries and we are happy to say he is completely healthy now. But how does one ever know about the mental aspects of RAD?
We have been waiting for a fost/adopt placement for a year now and don't know if we are prepared for this. Does anybody have any advice?
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RAD is highly treatable in children this age. However, it takes lots and lots of hard work.
Someone gave me this great advice - be sure you can love her and accept her the way she currently is before you take the placement. While it can be treated, there is no guarantee. She may never attach to you and you have to be able to deal with that.
She will take a lot of time away from your son. Parenting a RAD child is a 24/7 job. Make sure you are ok with that.
Don't make a decision simply because you have been waiting a long time. I did that. I didn't want a child with RAD, but when we were chosen for my daughter, how could I say no. Not that I regret it, but just be aware. Go into it with your eyes open.
Find a therapist familiar with RAD and foster children. It will be essential. You will have to learn therapeutic parenting techniques.
Being a mom to my daughter is the toughest thing I've ever done (and I've done some tough things in my life). It isn't for the faint of heart. But - its wonderful. She adds so much joy to our family.
Read and research.
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Parenting a child with RAD is very hard, but with a young child, they can often heal very quickly. The child will need a good attachment therapist, to be with you 24/7 for at least 6 months, and likely a lot of reparenting as if she were an infant. She will likely seek to control everything, be more affectionate to anyone other then mom, and could tantrum quite a bit for prolonged periods of time.
I would advise learning all you can about the disorder, and if possible, consult an attachment therapist before she moves in as to things to do that would facilitate attachment.
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