Today the hole grows

faith2005

February 25, 2005

So yeah today my hole in my heart grows bigger. Down sizing on it would be great but I am guessing it is to soon to down size. Some times the dang thing just seems to become like the grand canyon. I am at the bottom looking up waiting to be saved!! Some times I wonder if the downsizing of this hole will ever come !! It kinda comes and goes. Some days are better than others I just want all the days to be better !! Can I go from better to better at some point !! I hope so and I am pretty sure it will just gotta remind my self some times to keep the faith !! I know God will come through !!

Jess

birthmother to Zachary Stephen born 10-5-04

mother to Tatum Ann Marie born 12-13-02

Montraviatommyg

February 26, 2005

Can't say it ever gets better or easier but ways of coping do change with time.

Montravia :)

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hopeful0712

February 26, 2005

Jess,

I gave up two children. My son 20 years ago and daughter 17 years. You will always carry the loss with you. You will miss them daily and especially on their birthdays. This is normal. It's not like we get a REAL greiving period, ya know? God will help you through. Don't get so lost in your grief like I did. You miss too much out of life that way. Find joy in every day. Look at your beautiful child Tatum you have and thank God for her. Treasure the precious day you share with her. Hold Zachary in your heart, just don't get lost. These forums are a great place to be and have helped me a lot. Keep sharing and know that people that really understand are here for you!!!!

(((HUGS))) Robin

faith2005

February 26, 2005

Yeah I know that there are people who care and thank you all for the support. Some days I just want to run away. I love the time I get to spend with my daughter, some days I wish I could spend time with my son too. One day I will I know but some days are harder than others. I try to keep my head up and my thoughts happy but some days things dont work that way and yesterday was totally one of those days. Today is kinda better . My hole is still there but you know that wont go away and I have to learn to except that fact and move forward ... One day it will be filled the day I get to see him again and hold him again. I just wish that today could be that day.

Jess

carolynscalise

March 21, 2005

This is hard. Yo have your daughter but not your son? Oer both are adopted?

faith2005

March 30, 2005

yes I have my daughter but not my son. I had my daughter 2 years ago and just had my son 5 months ago ( sorry it took so long for me to respond ) I kept my daughter in hopes that things would work out with her father but for a year they never worked out we were together but not together if that makes since. my daughter turned one and I was pregnant again, same father. I had no job was in a really bad relationship ( he became physically abusive while I was pregnant with my son but for 3 years he was mentally abusive and emotionally abusive. ) and on top of that we never had a stable place of living. I knew that I was hardly making it with my daughter ( by the skin of my teeth every day ) and I wanted better for my children and I know if I had kept my son I would not be able to make it any better and I was tired of the pattern of living I had created for my self so things needed to change and I am glad to say that they have.