foster kids wanting to sleep in your bed?

All of our foster children have come into our room at one time or another and crawled in. I let my bio. kids do it, so I don't see anything wrong with the fc doing it. They range in age from 1-5. They just want comfort and support. I couldn't send them back to their own beds scared and crying. Nothing was ever mentioned in out Foster classes about this. Also none of our fc have been sexually abused, that would certainly make things different. All our children have been placed due to neglect of the parents. Hope this helps. Mommyto9

Hi, I had my nephew who is 5 wanted to sleep with us because his grandma let him sleep with her. We just kept explaining to him about how big boy sleep in their bed and got night lights all around the house including his room. The other children(we have 3 others) use to get up at night and try to crawl into bed with my husband and I too. I would let them get under the covers and talk to them about the bad dream or whatever was bothering them and explain to them that they could stay for a few minutes but had to sleep in their bed. I would do the thing of making sure there were no monsters ect. in the room and reassured that everything was okay. It took some nights with little sleep but they are doing good now. Hope this helps. Lori

In our state, they told us that fkids CANNOT sleep in our bed even the babies....That's a no-no! U can have a crib in ur room until the fc is 18mths then they have to have their own room.... this hasn't come up b/c our fs sleeps good in his room......so we haven't dealt w this issue.....but dh n i thought that if a fc came to us and wanted to sleep w us, we would go to their room and lay w them til they fell back asleep.... I think this issue would b harder to handle if u had bio-kids b/c the fc would see them do this and want to.... but they also stress not having different rules for bio-kids and f-kids.... :confused:

I see your point. I guess this would be a issue with diffrent rules between bio anf foster children. This is why i've made a point to treat my kids the same. When they crawl in bed, I will sit and hold them and explain like I said before about sleeping in their beds and talking about bad dreams. Then put them to bed. I don't think any child should sleep with an adult. You set yourself up for big problems in the furture. It's a hard habit to break. Lori

Maybe I should clarify...I let them crawl in and cuddle, but they are not allowed to stay the rest of the night. We usually talk about it and we help them feel safe, and then they have to go back to their own beds. Sorry about the confusion, we only had one child sleep with us all night, and that was our first born. (almost 17 yrs ago) BIG mistake!! ;) Like someone said it's a hard habit to break!! Mommyto9

Thanks for giving the advice, I know it would be inappropriate to let them sleep with us, but i wasn't sure how to handle the situation when or if it came up. I have discussed it with DH and he and i have agreed we will just take them back to their room and help them fall back to sleep. Also we're going to start making bio son stay in his own bed, i really don't think it would be fair to let him do it and not the other kids. melissa

I live in TN and the rule here is the fc can sleep in the same room as the fp as long as they have their own bed until the age of 3. After they reach three, they have to have their own room. Our daughter (was a foster to adopt placement) who sleeps in her toddler bed in our room, will occasionally get up out of her bed, and climb in bed beside me on the outside of the bed. WHen I wake up and she is there, I quitely get up and put her back in her own bed. I have to admit, I like the cuddle time with her, but I kNOW it will be a bear to deal with if I were ever to let her stay in our bed all night.

I didn't read through all the replies yet, so this might have already been mentioned. But, in our classes, this specific example was brought up. We were told that letting foster children come to bed with us, was not a good idea at all. She suggested taking the child to a rocking chair, and getting them back to sleep that way. There could just be so many problems caused by such an innocent thing, that most people wouldn't think twice about allowing with bio kids. Not the least of which, are accusations of sexual abuse. I'd strongly warn against allowing FC to climb into bed with the FP, no matter how young they are.

We are from WA, so it may be different in other states. We were told you are not allowed to have foster children in your beds (would assume 5 minutes of cuddling is ok), but what we do is walk the kids back to thier room......... check for monsters and spiders or whatever the nightmare was about, and re-tuck them in. If they are really needing to have us by thier side, I have at times laid in thier beds with them until they fell back to sleep. Sometimes the lil ones just need to know they aren't alone. :-) Carrie

My daughter would want to sleep in my bed. It was not allowed because she was a foster child. The day the adoption was finalized, she came in to my room and slept in my bed. I was worried about it, until her psychiatrist told me it was ok, in fact encouraged it. (I would have preferred he discourage it in front of her:( ). So then she had professional backing. Needless to say it took a while to get her back into her bed every night. Now she sleeps in her own room, unless she has a nightmare and crawls in, in the middle of the night. In fact last nightmare, she stayed in her bed, and I comforted her from her room. :)

I am in th process of trying to adopt my fson and was told to not let him sleep in my room anymore. He only slept in my room about 4 times and he was with me when he was 5,6, and 7. Every time he came in he was either on top of the blankets or I was - so we were never able to actually touch each other. I was worried about "getting in trouble" for doing it - but I agree - when he comes in crying what am I suppose to do? Now I either just talk to him and send him back or I'll take him back in and sit with him for a few minutes...Funny thing is - when we go on vacation to family, hotel, or camping the SW said it was okay to share a bed... Haven't figure out what the difference is. But in any case I make sure he's either in a sleeping bag on the bed, on the floor, or one of us is in the blankets and one of us on top of them. It's sad because I think that normal kids crawl into bed with their parents when they're scared or even on Sunday morning to watch cartoons in bed - and here we are trying to give these kids a "normal" life - but because of what some other creeps have done and do to kids we can't...

With our fosters we do what many have done also. With our fd that just left, she was a tiny infant when she came to us to we had many of sleepless nights. She was a co sleeper from birth and so it was a hard habit to break. On the occasion that she did come to our bed, it didn't work because then she thought it was play time. I eventually would end up on the couch with her on my chest. That way she was still getting the closeness that she needed, but we weren't in my bed. It was a hard enough habit to break, I didn't want to start it again.My boys, have asked to sleep with us. What we usually do is go lay in their bed for a few minutes. We have however, had slumber parties on the living room floor every now and again. My dh and I usually are on the couches, but at one time or another we are all on the floor together cuddleing and watching movies together.

Besides the fact that it is a no-no in my state, my husband and I are against it. Our bed is just that. Our bed! We have decided that our bed is a place for husband and wife. Not mommy and daddy. No children allowed. We need to be able to rejuvinate from the day. The kids are allowed to come to our room to wake us if they are scared or sick. But they don't get in our bed. We take them to the rocking chair or their bed and sit with them.

My fs that we are adopting soon would scream in his room. He slept well in his room till he turned 2, then he was terrified of his room. We would have night light on, then the lamp would stay on, with the hallway light and bathroom light. He would come in our room and we do the no monster talk and walk him back. I stay there till he sleep. About five min later he would come running screaming. He would hold on to the door jam so we could not take him back to his room. Sometimes I would wake up and he would be curled up in a ball on the floor next to my bed. You can tell He was terrified. It broke my heart. Here we also have a no foster child in bed with an adult and they can not sleep in our room once they are 19months. I talked to his sw and she said "let him sleep with you, he will be your son soon", but our agency said nope, even with sw approval. He still has a hard time in his room he is 3 now, but it has gone better. Its just hard to see him this scared and I cant do nothing about it. Once he is adopted and he is this terrified I plan to let him sneak in. I did when I was little with my parents and it made me feel so safe.