questions for birthmothers about agencies

My mother actually used to work (many years ago) for the agency I used (different office, though--it's a nation-wide agency). I therefore picked it because I knew it was reputable. Honestly, I'm wary of the ones that have homes they'll send expectant moms to... What was nice about a national agency was that when I didn't find any p-aparents I wanted through my local office, the agency was able to send profiles of other p-aparents from different offices. (And I did end up choosing a couple from another office.) Also important to me: A social worker that was willing to discuss parenting with me (not just adoption) and help me make a parenting plan, if need be.

I picked a big one and will forever regret it. Not because of my match, which was perfect, but because of the way I was treated BY the agency and the fact that the bigger, more national agencies do not offer as much post-placement counseling as they tout. My birthdaughter's adoptive parents were CHARGED for counseling that I never (not once) received. That wasn't fair to them (or their pocketbook), myself, or in the long run, the child.Local agencies (by city or even as wide as state) offer better treatment to birthparents. If you're looking to really care for a birthparent, start researching your local options first.And best of luck to you! :D

Like Jenna, I picked one but I regretted it -- for different reasons. Sadly, and embarassingly, I picked them out of the yellow pages. It was close to midnight in my parnets home, I was 18, frightened, alone, etc. The person who answered the phone on the other end was just SO SO NICE and frankly, I needed someone to be nice to me at that time. I was manipulated by them and taken advantage of. I wish I had done things differently. Not necessarily the surrendering of my daughter, but with a reputable agency that cared for the mothers - before, during and AFTER the pregnancy. I found out years later that the agency I surrendered to was plagued with legal problems and had a reputation as baby brokers. Still cuts my heart to the core. I feel as though I should have been better informed, should have known my rights (and those of my child), should have had more support and guidance. I had no support sytem and was an easy mark. Reality is I was treated like royalty by the agency until the day I gave birth. Once I signed, all promises were broken, calls unreturned, no post surrendering assistance or counseling. I was persona non grata. I went from being Princess Diana to the Scum of the Earth overnight. I can tell you that I stayed at a maternity home during that time. The agencies that appeared to treat the women more fairly (at that time) were Catholic Charities, Lutheran Family Services and the like. Again, this was just my experience 19 years ago. I am sure you can find negative things about virtually every agency. You need to do what is best for you. I tried to do what was best for my daughter and myself. Lesson learned. Good luck.

Here here! I totally agree. This is something that did not exist with my agency. They were like gimme, gimme, gimme and never discussed my options. I wish I had known I had options.

I went through profiles at three local agencies before I found one that had a few couples I thought I would be able to work with. The local agencies had such small selections and one did not like the way I was going through profiles. The one I finally found a couple at did not offer long-term counseling, was pushy about the time it took me to decide on aparents, and insisted that "no one would be willing to do a fully open adoption." I figured that a small local agency with their office only a few miles from my house would be a better choice than one of the larger agencies. I was wrong. For my second placement, I picked a larger agency because their website caught my attention in a time when I didn't have a whole lot of time to search for an agency and knew I didn't want to go back to the one I used before. The main thing I didn't like about them was that they absolutely insisted that I had to talk to a social worker that they assigned in my area. I couldn't stand that woman. She asked prying questions and actually seemed to be trying ot talk me out of adoption. Other than that, everything has been going fairly smoothly wit them and I was able to have the fully open adoption that I wanted. If I were to do it again (not that I want to but you never know when the birth control is going to give up on me.), I'm not sure if I would go to the second agency but I definitely wouldn't go back to the first. And I would never settle for anything other than a fully open adoption. A lot of the way I picked agencies was random. The three I actually visited while planning my first placement were just the three closest to my house. One of my big criteria for an agency was efficiency. If I sent them an email and didn't get a reply within a day, I crossed them off the list. If I called their 800 number and got voicemail, I hung up without leaving a message. The agency I used my second time around had a 24-hour pager number and they always called back right away, even if it was 3 am and my question was mostly trivial. they sent me profiles and paperwork so fast and so often that I became very familiar with the fed ex delivery guy. I liked that alot.

I used a large Catholic agency that was willing to travel to my rural location for the initial meeting. This agency, while known by the same name Nationwide, is governed by the dioceses in which it is located. Looking back, the services offered were really lacking (no pre or post placement counseling, no offer to assist in great times of need) but I don't think they treated me bad. I never felt pressured to make the decision to place and I was also given a large book for about forty profiles to look thruat my leisure. The case workers were ok, I liked the adoptive parents worker far more than I liked the one assigned to me. Years after placement, the adoptive mom and I had a discussion about my treatment with the agency and the fees they paid (we were talking about post placement counseling) and I was flabbergasted to find out that they were charged for a minimum amount of services (that I was never offered) whether I accepted them or notŅwhich in itself is fine, if they had been offered to begin with. I was surprised at the amount of money they paid to the agency for the servicesthe total cost of the adoption (both birthparents consenting, no medical expenses, no living expenses and no other legal legwork) was closer to what youŒd expect to pay to adopt two children from Russia (including travel, dossier prep and visas). While I am content with the treatment I received, I know that what they offered was far below the norm in the Adoption world. I also think that the fees they charged were excessive for the services they provide or rather didn't provide. One way to find out if the agency you are thinking about using treats their birthparents well, is to ask to speak with birthparents who have used their services. I know the agency that I used had a monthly orientation in which birthparents spoke (I did twice) and answered questions. Just be prepared to ask the difficult questions҅things that people don't generally think about when making the decision to adopt. Also, after youre working with an agency, be sure to keep the lines of communication open with the expectant mom and dad. Ask them how they are being treated, find out if there are things that they wish were being done҅and if there are, advocate for them! In the end, you are your agencies customer, so make sure they are doing what they say they will do! Good luck with finding an agency, its one of the hardest steps to take when deciding to adopt.

Thank you all for giving such good advice. I always assumed that agencies treated the birthmothers better. You have given me a lot of great things to look for. Keep it coming.

I have personally placed twice also... The first time through a BIG agency... the second time through a small facilitator... The big agency showed no compassion and in reality it seemed as though I was nothing but a number to them... They were insistant on getting the papers signed and that was that... When I told them I was considering parenting after she was born, they immediatley told me they would be contacting CPS because I was so young and apparently wishy washy and not knowing what I wanted, they felt it would be best to have CPS interven. Technically I was being threatened at 16 years old and living away from home didn't feel as though I had any other option.... Last year at 20 years old I placed a little boy for adoption through a facilitator... This time I made sure I was something more than a number... and I got the attention that I needed... The counseling that I needed, and the ability to make my choice without pressure or threats... My advice... go somewhere small... Though the match may take a little longer, at least you will know your birthmom had personal attention, counseling, and was secure in her decision... You will also know from the smaller group quicker if something is amiss because they are going to be more on call and in contact with the girls...

Some birth mothers eschew agencies and opt for private venues such as attys and facilitators... However you might consider the marketing... What is the best word-of-mouth recommended agency/ atty that' you've heard of and why. And who are the easiest to locate agency/ atty. Interview these entities and decide. maia ps be sure to check the BBB to check the reputation of all.

I'm glad we didn't go through a private agency. We went the the County of San Diego and it was great! Only a few minute wait before they found a baby.My only regret is that the Birthmom - 18 yrs old, drugs, homeless, etc... probably will never be found to maintain contact. I see open adoption as just extending family...more people to love.If my wife would let us, we'd adopt another baby now.check out our website [url]www.adoptingemma.blogspot.com[/url]I am surprised that more folks don't approach public agencies about voluntarily relinquishing their baby, try legal aid, or just find someone i.e. friend or neighbor who's interested in adopting. Does this happen often?

I wish it Did! I've been licensed with my county in PA since April. Not much relinquishing going on around here. I'm sure it makes a HUGE difference that you're in a bigger city.