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I found this site almost five years ago. I have mostly just read threads and found much support through others words. Well I finally need to post something because I am really struggling this year. My birthsons birthday is almost here again and he will be five. He was born on my birhtday. So every year I really dread my birthday as well.
I have two other children one is older than the one I placed for adoption. The other is my beautiful baby girl who is eight months old now. I am wondering if that is why I am finding this year extremely difficult. As I watch my little girl take each new step in life I find myself looking back and feeling all the things I have missed and will continue to miss in my b-sons life.
I am a positive person most of the time. But I am so full of anxiety right now, I can't sleep and have zero motivation right now. There is this empty feeling inside of me that I can actually physically feel it. I am just feeling very alone right now. I have a very supportive family and really great friends. But to be completely honest they just really don't understand. I don't think I understand. I am very confused right now. I feel like I am losing it. I guess what I am asking is for just a little support from people who really understand. Help!!!!
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It is not uncommon for the birth of a new baby to bring birthparents back to revisit their losses in adoption. It can cause all kinds of worries and feelings.
How long have you beren feeling this way? So much of what you describe sounds like depression. Is there any way for you to go talk to a counselor about this?
You also did not mention if you had a relationship with your birthson. Is there anyway to call or send him a card? Sometimes being proactive can help.
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Thank you for your reply. I get like this every year around his birthday, it's just this year my feelings are more intense. That makes sense that the arrival of my baby has just brought back all the things I was feeling at the time of my son's birth to the surface again.
No I do not have a relationship with him. His a-parents and I left the door open, but only when the time comes that he feels the desire to know me. I do get pictures and an update letter once a year. I will be getting them sometime next week. A-mom is really great about sending them shortly after our birthday every year. She knows I am always waiting and it puts me a peace just to see how much he has grown since the last year.