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Hi. We went for our first visit with a potential fost/adopt placement today, and need info about a behavior this little boy has. He is 16 months old and hits himself on the head repeatedly when stressed, frustrated or tired. It isn't hard enough to hurt, and obviously he finds it soothing or helpful in some way, but what we would like to know is what kinds of things might lead someone to develop this habit, and what as parents should we do about it?
His other behaviors seem typical for a (somewhat delayed?) child his age--he babbles, smiles, played with toys, walks...he doesn't talk and he is still being fed baby food. He has been in this fhome less than 2 weeks, and he shows distress when fmom leaves and relief when she returns.
During the course of our visit, he relaxed more with us and stopped hitting himself as much, but still would do it every minute or two. Anybody have and experience with this kind of thing, or advice how you would handle it?
Thanks!
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Hi Mallory,
Our situation is very different, but I will share my experience. M is four, and in the first few weeks she hit her self in the face a few times. With her, it seemed to be triggerd when I was helping her with something (washing her face, using the potty). In our case, it might have been that she felt she didn't deserve to be taken care of. Anyway, that behavior has thankfully stopped. Yours obviously sounds more serious (for lack of a better word).
Not really knowing much about this, I would just guess that it might help if you can help him find another way of soothing himself...even a bottle, pacifier, blankie, etc. Also, since he is not verbal, I would work on Baby Signs with him, so that he doesn't get as frustrated that he can not communicate. Good luck to you, and I am sure you will get some more helpful advice from the more experienced people here.
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sfbaymom, Thanks for your reply. We brought R home last Friday and have been watching to see what triggers the hitting, and what makes it vary from a kind of automatic pat to a real smack.
I think it is mostly a combination of habit and frustration--I've noticed that he almost never does it when he is alone, and it seems to happen most when he is trying to communicate, so we have high hopes that as his communication skills and trust improve, the hitting will too. Our pediatrician also suggested baby signs so we will check it out.
On the plus side, he is settling in nicely and seems to be feeling pretty jolly most of the time, and we are enjoying him so much. I am glad we did't let the self-smacking scare us off--to be honest, after our first meeting with him I felt very queasy about it.
Thanks for being there!
Mallory,
I am so glad to hear things ar going well :) , and that you are optimistic. Good luck with the initial adjustment. It has only been four months for us so far. We have some really good days and some really difficult ones. Make sure to ask for and accept support and help from family and friends! And, as everyone weeks telling me, make time for yourself!
I can't say enough about learning baby signs!!!!!!
My fd (now 17 months) went through the same thing. It was pure frustration. We started baby signs and she stopped real fast! For her, she was thirsty!!! I was offering a drink often, but for her not enough.
Great to hear he's settling in!!!
sfbaymom, funny you say that! Tonight I sent him to a playground with the rest of the family so I could have a little time to myself--and I resisted the impulse to use the time to clean up the kitchen :) !
I had forgotten how precious time alone could be when you have a little one--we haven't even had him a week and I am looking around my house wondering what happened! It looks like I have a BABY!
On the other hand, I know from our experience with our older 3 that the little kid years only last about a minute, so I am able to look at the mess and know that it won't be forever--when my first child was this age, I wasn't quite so easy going!
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Just wanted to post our latest; R has been with us for 8 weeks and the head hitting is over with. He hasn't done it in a couple of weeks. People who saw him during the first couple of weeks (friends, social workers, etc) can't believe it, and I kind of can't, either, when I think back to how severe it was.
We did try to teach him some signs, but he has only learned one.
I think that even though he seemed like he was in pretty good spirits right after placement, he was really terrified and frustrated. Now, even when he doesn't get his own way and is outright mad, he doesn't resort to hitting his head, he just cries like any toddler.
Thanks for the support, we are glad we took the chance on him, he is great!