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I just has my visit on sunday with my six year old b-son, and i hate to say it but i really didn't enjoy myself. He is growing out of the sweet innocent stage and going full force into the "only child" stage. He didn't appreciate the gifts I brought for him, even refused to participate in flying a kite i thought that he would love, and the memory box i put so much thought into he didn't even want me helping him decorate it. He gaurded it and didn't want me touching a paint brush or putting a sticker on it. He cheated at every game we played, of course so that he would win, and didn't even thank me for one single thing. I had even explained that the memory box had pictures of the two of us so that when we dont see eachother for several months he can look at his pictures and know how much i love him..then later on on he told me that he never thinks me, only on our visits. I don't know what to think, he has always been so sweet, it was a very disappointing day. im left here wondering if i should just let him go on with his life since he is obviously not needing me.
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Ouch, what an attention seeker. That last jab about not thinking of you does sound like he wants your attention.
Remember he is only a young child and they are often selfish, deceitful and mean (sorry, it's just a truth). No, I would not stop your visits though. One day he will grow up and cherish the memories, and probably apologize for his actions... it might not be until he's 33.
Knowing his behavior, maybe you should limit contact instead. Shorter visits perhaps. But don't stop it, IMO.
I think he will regain sensitivity about 9 yrs old. Right now he seems to be testing limits and controls. And that's OK, so long as he's not malicious or physically acting out (I think).
Take care
Maia
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What I want to know is if his aparents corrected his behavior during that time? ;)
But I do agree with Maia. I think at 6 he is probably just figuring out what "adoption" means - what having a birthmother means, what these visits are all about. PLUS ... he is a boy. All those things are conducive to pushing and testing.
Remember - he is only 6. Dont let him (or his attitude) dictate what his "best" for him. He doesnt have a clue -and even if seeing you DOES bring out some uncomfortable feelings for him (and you) that doesnt mean it isnt still "best" for him to know you. Sort of like brushing his teeth - he may not enjoy it, but its still in his best interest to do it. And one day, he will value those teeth, and your relationship with him.
Jen
m-mom since literature indicates this is about the age that the adoptee may undergo a fracturing of self this may be where he is right now. It is your presence that will prevent or lessen the fracture. Hang in there.
Kids are so smart!! He may be trying to see if you will go away. Plus no telling what his friends are saying!!
I'm with Jennsboys was his ill behavior tolerated or corrected. Did his aparents find this behavior acceptable? Granted we are all intitled to our feelings even at 6yr but there are appropriate exprssions. "Home training" as my sister would call it.
m-mom
later on on he told me that he never thinks me, only on our visits. I don't know what to think, he has always been so sweet, it was a very disappointing day. im left here wondering if i should just let him go on with his life since he is obviously not needing me.
I agree with the others and also want to point out that he may be feeling confused about his loyalty to his aparents. To a 6 year old, everything is pretty concrete. So in his mind if he likes you and is nice to you, then that means he doesn't love his parents and will hurt their feelings. Kwim?
I suggest if it happens again, you might discuss it with his parents. I'd be pretty irritated if any of my children spoke that way to anyone! While I'm all for allowing my children to voice their feelings and opinions, I also expect kindness and courtesy. It's my job as a parent to teach them how to do that as a 6 year old doesn't know the ins and outs of social graces. So if my child said anything so rude, I'd want to know about it so I could take the opportunity to correct & educate.
I know things are a bit stressed right now between you and the amom, and you probably don't want to "stir the pot", but I do hope you can approach this issue with her.
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My children are far from "perfect" boys, but at 10 and 4 they say Thank You to people who do things for them and give them gifts. If they do not and I am around, I remind them to say it. I do not believe that we should " get over it" Remind your kids to say Thank You and say it to them as well. It works both ways.
I'm with you sstuart. My kids are 10, 8, and 2. It is my job and responsibility to teach them how to behave in society. A thank you when something is given or done for you is socially acceptable, and sometimes expected. It is my job to make sure my kids know that until they do it on their own. Hopefully, the amom made the child aware of the necessity for a thank you, and is working with him to that regard. I also agree that you are being tested. And -as this post is old, I hope that as he has matured, he is not testing you in quite the same ways anymore.