anger anger anger

I was angry too--and jealous and sad and ashamed and confused and every other emotion in the book. And the worst part was...no one understood why. Not even my husband. Why would you be unhappy your friend is pregnant...don't you want them to be happy. And my answer was no I don't! I want me to be happy. (This is where the shame part comes in :o ) I may not be being very generous here...and if I'm not, I'm sorry...but I don't think the fertile or men can "get it". (The fertile for obvious reasons, men because they don't get rminded once a month for 3-6 days.) My realizing that helped me to be less angry with them and their insensitivity to my sensitivity. There is nothing I can say to make it better other than...you aren't the only one. It's normal. The anger, the shame, the jealousy, the confusion, all of it does eventually fade--and is replaced by hope. Hugs!

Oh Spitzlvr ((((HUGS)))) I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I know exactly how you feel (well maybe not exactly but pretty close ;) ) I had a miscarriage 2 years ago after 2 years of infertility treatments and finally a successful IVF. I had 2 SIL's pregnant at the same time. When I lost the baby I was so angry just like you said. Angry at my period, angry at my sil's for still being pregnant (and just like you I knew that my anger was MY ANGER and that it was not their fault for being pregnant nor should they be sorry... but I was still angry.) The worst moment came about a month after my miscarriage when another SIL called me and told me she was pregnant and how NOT happy she was and how she was so upset because the morning after pill hadn't worked. UGGGG! I so did NOT need to hear that. I was REALLY angry with her! Now two years later and one beautiful daughter later I can say that there is no anger. I still shake my head at things my one SIL says but I am not angry. As each of my nephews were born I was able to rejoice (they were born before we were matched with DD birthmom so they were bittersweet moments). I still think once in a while about that little one growing in me but I can honestly say that now that I have DD I cannot imagine anything different. Time will help and hopefully there are some people in your life that can be comforting and supportive. I am sorry that your mom seems to not get that this is very hard for you right now. I remember that I just could not go to the baby showers etc. and that is OK. Hopefully your mother will back off or that you can just ignore her insensitivity until you are ready. You will continue to heal and sometimes you will still hurt but it does get better. ((((HUGS AGAIN)))) ~Rachel

I understand "most" of what you are feeling. We spent 7 years TTC, and I was never able to become pregnant...I was so overwhelmed, sad, ashamed and most of all angry. I have a VERY close family, and it seemed the the entire time we were TTC, someone was pregnant that "wasn't even trying". I was heartbroken for years. My poor dh, tried to understand, but I don't think he ever really "got it". We spent 3 years on an adoption list and were finally placed with our son. It was one of the most joyous days of my life....but then EVERYONE wanted to talk pregnancy with me... I say all of this to tell you, you are definitely not alone. Most people just don't understand, and never will. Trying to explain "why" to people who don't have a clue...gets you nowhere, and further serves to expound the issues. My advice (unsolicited! LOL) is to get away...go somewhere, or do something for yourself. Take some time to heal emotionally. Every situation in our lives serves to make us stronger, it's how we deal with that situation that serves to help us learn and find comfort. Find others (in real life LOL) who will help you, hug you, and understand what you are feeling...there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you are feeling, I just hope/pray that you will find peace, and happiness. I know for me, it took a long time, even after we were parents. Years later, I still have a sense of loss sometimes...but I can now compensate that feeling with the unbelieveably wonderful feeling of having my boys. Just wanted to say, I'm here, and happy to listen to any/all VENTS...that's what this board is great for! I hope you will find peace and that others around you will see the need to be compassionate and understanding towards your feelings. Best Wishes, Becky

You do have the right to be angry. Don't belittle your feeings, they are real and painful and valid. Take care of yourself, so be it if you don't call your SIL for now, have your husband call to say congrats- it's not much to ask that men participate in family communications, that's what marriage is all about and women needn't always bear that burdon (not slamming men, just pointing out that many men are content to let women be the sole embassadors for their families and don't always recognize when they need to get involved). Take care of yourself, your mother's need to give you a bad time be d*mned. I go so far as to refuse to pick up the phone, or there are days when I ask my husband to answer the phone for the entire day and if need be give some lame excuse (I'm in the shower, hands in the sink etc.). The next day always comes and I feel better able to handle certain calls. If you need to be angry today to not be angry tomorrow, or the next day, then do it, give yourself permission to do it. Take care.

I was 16 when I relinquished my child. I was so upset that I didn't go the the 6wk checkup. I had an infection that spread thru-out. I married the bfather and we tried to have children. I was told after 6 yrs of infertility treatment that I would never ever have another child. The guilt, shame, and anger took over my life. I felt like God was punishing me. I endured years of being asked when I was going to have a baby, with my tears welling in my eyes each time. I was blessed with an angel, our son, 12yrs later. I still wanted to have another and wound up having 4 miscarriages before we gave up. There is no reason you should feel like you have to comply with everyone else's expectations of how you should handle it. Seeing pregnant women, watching my sister have child after child, all made me lose a little bit of myself each time. You need to allow yourself to have those feelings as they happen because if you don't, you will bury them deep in your soul. Then one day, something will set you off and you will be overwhelmed with all the feelings you denyed. Dont answer the phone, the door, go to the baby showers, if your not up to it. Honor your feelings and to hell with what all those well-meaning but uninformed people think. Tracy "Dreams come true. Without that possiblity, nature would not incite us to have them"