ripples in the water ... 9 months and counting

So this month was my sons 9 month old mark and I can feel the "ripples in the water" already. 3 more months and he will be one years old !! I dont know how I am going to handle this at all. I cant be there for his first birthday I dont get to watch him make a mess of him self with his very first birthday cake I dont get to see him "open" his very first presents. I dont get to see my son turn one !! His very first birthday and I dont get to see it or be a part of it !! This is going to come crashing down on me like a HUGE pile of bricks. I cry my self to sleep thinking about it even now. How am I not supposed to think about it this is my son. Every day the thoughts of him swarm my mind more and more ... normal I suppose but still painful. Some times I can fight back the tears and other times they flow like a river and I am un able to stop them. My down times are the worst for that. That is the only time I dont have something else to take my mind off of my little guy. Some times the little boy I work with will trigger some thought toward my son and I wonder what he is doing now is he crawling is he trying to walk what kinda of noises does he make. I have a fear that I maybe forgetting what my son smells like and feels like and sounds like. That scares me more than anything. I have to go to work so I can't carry on like this right now I have to pull my self together and get moving