Advertisements
Hi to all.
I feel like I know some of you a little because I read this forum often (even though I don't usually comment) and I know I can get some constructive feedback/comments here.
I'm looking for some real concrete advice and suggestions on how you manage it with large families and busy schedules. I'm a single adoptive mom of 3 (ages 6, 6, and nearly 3) and just found out this week that my 2 foster children (ages nearly 3 and 3 1/2) will not be returning home. The caseworker immediately asked me if I would be an adoptive resource. I said I would seriously consider it. I love these children dearly and would be very happy if they became a permanent part of our family.
I've had the foster children for 21 months so it's not like I don't know what to expect, but I'm stuck on how I would manage all their activities in school. With them all being so close in age I imagine a time when 2, 3 or all have opposing activities. Trust me, I know there are a host of other issues to consider as well, but I know that there are several (if not many) of you out there that juggle it all and I don't want to NOT do it simply because of this obstacle.
I do have family support, but most live over a hour away. My Mom is my only hand-on, immediate source of support here where we live. She is 100% supportive, but with 5 even the 2 of us couldn't be everywhere.
I welcome any/all constructive comments, suggestions or advice. Thanks in advance for your time. I really appreciate it.
Respectfully, Brenda
Like
Share
they usually since like you were close in age could be on the same team....
some people I know with large families have all the kids do the same activity (dance, swim, whatever.....) or the limit the kids to one activity for year and older ones get to pick first and then straggle them out over the year...like say one kid does soccer in the fall, then another volley ball in the winter
kids don't have to be on a bunch of teams or activities, usually church would be enough.....
Hey, don't not adopt over silly girl scouts, band, or t-ball teams...these kids are always better off not being moved if they can stay where they are....the moves hurt more then anything cause deep down they think some one else doesn't love me enough to keep me
Advertisements
I worked with a woman who had 1 daughter and 3 sons. She then became a foster parent to her 2 nephews. The 5 boys were pretty close in age. She had a massive calendar with notes all over it.
But the biggest help was that all the boys played football and her daughter cheered. They all played baseball - coed league. This way, she just spent the entire Saturday at the field. The little ones played, then sat in the stands and rooted on the older ones, while her daughter was a cheerleader. Same thing in the summer with baseball.
Hey - I'm a single mom to only 1 special needs little boy, and I can't keep up! God Bless you!
There should be plenty of activities that all of them can get involved in. It might just be a matter of being a bit creative.
The football is a good idea, as long as they don't get separated into different teams because of their different ages - then you'll have the same problem of some having practise on Monday, some on Tuesday, etc.
My karate school has a lot of multiple-child families. We have kids' classes and adults' classes, but we let kids train with the adults or adults train with the kids if it means that a family can train together... We have one family where the mum trains, as well as the 5 daughters, aged from about 6 to 17 years old! We have another family with the mum training, her son who's about 12, and her daughter who's about 7.
The best thing about having all the kids training as WELL as the parents, is that it becomes a bonding time. (Plus everybody gets fit!) It's something that makes that family "special" - they're all Karate-ka - together.
Rebecca
I appreciate the feedback and comments and I REALLY appreciate the support.
I'm not getting a great deal of that from those around me. Although my mother is extremely supportive, my dad is not and doesn't hesitate to blurt out his opposition. Several other people in my support network are saying I'm crazy for even considering it. I guess part of what I'm looking for here is affirmation that considering raising 5 kids is not outrageous...or is it?!?!?
I know I'm not able to be objective because I love all 5 of my kids...I don't distinguish between the 3 I've adopted and the 2 I'm a foster parent to. I've had over 30 foster kids in my home and these 5 are the best of the bunch and "fit". Some of you know exactly what I'm describing. In fact, my screen name of "bestkidsever" came from a song I made up and sing to them.
I'm not implying that mine are better than yours...just that they are the best ones ever FOR ME. I realized only after the fact that my screen name may offend some and for that I'm sorry. That would never be my intention.
For those of you who have adopted many...would you do it again? Why or why not?
Thank you to Rindava, Q's Mom and Cakegirl for your replies. I really appreciate it.
There have been several good suggestions given to you. Having a large family is very "doable". I live it every day. I have 6 sons who live at home and an 8 year old foster son, who may come available (but probably not). The boys range from age 8 to 18. They fight, argue, and act just like brothers. They play together and teach each other.
We rotate sports seasons. I try to keep it to two boys in a sport per season. We all attend all games to support each other.
As far as support network, you have to have a very strong one. You have to take breaks from the children to maintain your sanity (and theirs). I'm not talking about days or weeks, just a night out here and there.
There will be days that you ask yourself what you are doing. You will have your naysayers. Some of mine became my biggest advocates in the family. Some see what you are trying to do...others do not. I say to them, "who cares what you think". After all, it is my life! You make decisions for what is right for you and your children.
Best of luck in your journey.
Advertisements
Well, I can't claim to be an expert, since I only have the one son to schedule for/around - but I am pretty good at reading between the lines, and it sure sounds like your mind is already made up!
So - no helpful hints from me on how to make it work (sorry) - just congratulations on your big and wonderful family!! Good luck!!
I know I'm not able to be objective because I love all 5 of my kids...I don't distinguish between the 3 I've adopted and the 2 I'm a foster parent to. I've had over 30 foster kids in my home and these 5 are the best of the bunch and "fit". Some of you know exactly what I'm describing. In fact, my screen name of "bestkidsever" came from a song I made up and sing to them.
I'm not implying that mine are better than yours...just that they are the best ones ever FOR ME.