deserve-ing

I don't know how old you are, or how long you've been out of your birthhome, or what you've endured. However, I am sorry for your pain. It may not help much, but my adoptive son...now 21, chose to not stay with his birthmom. I didn't get him until he was 10. He had been though so much. It may sound lame, but he is stronger because of the hardships. I admire him so much because he hasn't let anything stop him. And he has grown into an amazing person. There are people out there that understand. You just have to find them! Keep posting and hopefully you will.

Everybody including you deserves happiness so don't ever think you deserve it less than others :grouphug: . Pip :wings:

[font=Palatino Linotype]Dear bigmoosie,[/font][font=Palatino Linotype]I too am sorry for your pain, I hope you find peace and healing that you need.[/font][font=Palatino Linotype]you wrote:[/font][font=Palatino Linotype][font=Verdana]Sometimes I feel like everyone else who (it seems) has been through so little, doesn't deserve happiness as much as people who have been through a lot.[/font]

imho, none of us deserve happiness, and I've not been able to see that what we have been through (or not) changes what we deserve. I think we are all valuable no matter where we've been or what we have been through. Perhaps those who go through the darkest valleys appreciate it more to be able to sit in the sunshine and feel the warmth of the sun after the cold dark of the night. [/font][font=Palatino Linotype]you wrote:[/font][font=Palatino Linotype][font=Verdana]I feel like I'm handicapped because I am so far behind everyone else socially, physically, etc. that I just can't compete in the world.[/font]

Again, I am sorry that you feel that kind of pain. I was there once, too. I learned that even though others may seem to be at an advantage to me at times, and they may even point it out to me, it is only when I believe thoughts like this are true that I was hindered. Sad to say I have been my own worst critic and have found no peace and little benefit from comparing myself with others or trying to measure myself by where others appear to be in their lives.[/font][font=Palatino Linotype]My advice to you, if you would consider it, is to stop allowing the above thought to be something you accept as true for you. After a hard battle with cancer, I learned that I am so much stronger and braver than I once thought. At this point you may be feeling totally wounded by what you've gone through, and I know it takes time for the healing process to take place. We all have our own way of traveling to healing. I hope that you can see that you have a choice, you can choose to love yourself and you can choose to belive in yourself. Even if sometimes you are your only cheerleader or nobody else walks with you, you can say to yourself, yes, this is totally excruciating, but I will get up and take one more step... A very wise person once said, it is not how many times you get knocked down in life that matters, don't let that define who you are. Instead, determine your destiny and define yourself by determining that no matter how many times you are knocked down or fall down, you will dust yourself off and ... get ... back ...up. No matter how dark it is or how impossible it seems, say to yourself, *yes*, *I* *CAN*.[/font][font=Palatino Linotype]you wrote:[/font]I feel as if I'm the only person that is adopted who actually wanted to leave their mother, so none of my foster parents really believed me or understood where I was coming from. There are very few people that understand me, and sometimes I don't even believe myself because I have had so much opposition. I cry a lot.[font=Palatino Linotype][font=Palatino Linotype][/font]Please don't stop reaching out for the help you need. There are so many supportive people here, and if nobody around you can relate, remember that you have a voice here and you are not alone and we will listen with our hearts. When you are tempted to doubt yourself, don't give in. Doubt your doubts. Many times in my life my greatest times of experiencing opposition were when people around me had insecurities that they would rather not face, and it was perhaps easier to turn and oppose me when they could not or would not face their own issues for what they were. Other times my pain was just easier for people to stare at, point, and whisper about because for whatever reason I made those uncomfortable who were unable to reach out past their own fears. Please keep loving yourself. And give yourself permission to cry. You need to grieve about your past, in your own way, in your own time. Always give yourself permission to experience your emotions, I mean, you need to let out your emotions and that is totally okay. If you bury how you feel those feelings will be a poison to your heart, so cry as much as you need to, it will wash away the poison. Please, dear heart, always believe in yourself, and look up. God loves you. Above all else, He loves you. You can even be totally yelling out your anger at Him if you need to. Remember He keeps every tear you've ever shed in a bottle. He cares.[/font][font=Palatino Linotype]I wish you all the best in your journey to find peace and wholeness in your life.[/font][font=Palatino Linotype]Leslie [/font][font=Palatino Linotype][/font]