24 Pregnant and ALONE

LauraDuenov, I am and adoptee, I am 36, and I am Bipolar also. I have a wonderful family with four children. I am proud to say that due to my illness we are not disfunctional. I have had my hospitalizations, my med trials, and lots, and lots, of intense therapy. How does any of this apply to you will the reason I am telling you any of this is because I want you to know from a person who fights this desease everyday, that you can and are capable of doing anything in this world. It isn't always easy for us and due to our high level of emotions it is harder then others, I believe that if you have a loving family and friends that will support you anything, and everything will be ok. I can't tell you what to do. I don't know you or your circumstances, but I do know how scary this desease is at your age. Tell your family when you feel ready to. You said yourself that they will support you. Share this with them and you won't feel so alone. I can tell you that adoption has been a blessing for me. I had my problems growing up but because of a loving family I have had so much support in dealing with my illness. Without their love I would be lost. I am not suggesting adoption, I am just telling you how it has affected me. My advice would be to tell your family, consider all your options, you have months to decide. Read as much of these forums as possible. Educate yourself and also research all of the programs available to single mothers in your state.. There are so many that would be helpfull. Do this now!! it is so scary to have all these questions unanswered. I think that after you have done this, it well help you in your decision. Having children for me has saved my life. I have faught so hard to be healthy. They have been my encouragement to keep going when I felt I was going to give up. They have brought me such joy and are my reason for living and breathing. Having a child puts a new perspective on everything in your life. Your actions, your beliefs, your goals, your way of looking at the world, ect, ect. Will for most people it does ,of course there are always those that don't, but I believe that they are few.. You are showing in your post that you care very much for the outcome of your decision. Please do not dought your abilities, or your strength. Being Bipolar isn't everything bad, we have been given gifts that alot of others don't have. I believe we are a special breed of people. I will explain more in a personal message. I believe that with the help, and love of others we can do anything, only you can make the decision about what to do with the life growing inside fo you. I know how exciting it is to see the ultrasound and if it makes you feel better, I am excited for you and can feel inside my heart the love and beauty you see in it. It is a feeling like no other to see this little life inside your belly. It is part of you, something you have created. It is one of the warmest moments our hearts experience. I would considor all other options first before even looking into adoption, but that is just me. Some adoptees have not had the best of familys. I was lucky. We are all so different. Read and learn from us. I wish you luck and if you need anything please ask, and remember that at least one person in the world is thinking about you tonight and the life inside of you, you are not alone. ,best wishes, andi

lauraduenov, Echoing Christine's (((((((((hugs)))))))))) and congratulations. I am a birthmom to a four-year-old girl, a parent to a 1 1/2 year old girl, and am also bipolar. I just want to tell you that you CAN raise your little girl! You mentioned that you believe your family will be supportive--take them up on that support! Adoption is such a hard, hard road. If you want to parent your child at all, please do so. Being bipolar is not the kiss of death for our kids. Being a parent has challenges, of course--perhaps even more so for people like us, who are bipolar. But there are so many intrinsic joys and rewards in parenting, too. Adoption, on the other hand, is extremely difficult, and if you choose adoption when you really want to parent, there will not be any joy. Please just take your time thinking this over. Research, research, research. And don't sell yourself short--you are a special person (ok, I'm sounding like a Hallmark card, sorry)--but you ARE a special person, and you are this baby's mother. Your baby is going to want to be with you, as you will want to be with her. So if you can make that happen, PLEASE do so. And please, please, please don't listen to the people who give you negative messages about yourself. Making poor decisions from time to time is part of the territory with manic depression. It's going to happen. It doesn't mean that YOU are a poor person. Again, many (((((hugs)))). If you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me. Nicole

I'm an adoptive mom. Nichole (above post) knows what she speaks of. Please take her up on her offer of help....one can never have too many friendly ears. I think another thing to consider....as mentioned, yes it will be difficult to raise a child being bi-polar....it will also be difficult to place a child being bi-polar. That is something Nichole has first hand experience with. Leigh PS...my mom is bi-polar (among other things) and I managed to make it to adulthood!! lol :) it can be done. No child is ever raised in "the perfect" home... :)

I want to tell my family because I know they'll be supportive but at the same time I don't know if I can deal with a huge sob fest right now. It sounds like you have a family that loves you and will be supportive. When you talk with them you'll feel much better. Celebrate the life you are bringing into the world. {{Hugs}}

Laura, I can't say it any better than Nic did. You absolutely can parent your child if that's what your heart is telling you to do. If you need to talk as you explore your options, we're always here. (((HUGS))) to you at this difficult time.

I just wanted to add my hugs and prayers to you. I believe you have received some great advice here. I do want to add that as a hopeful adoptive mother I could never feel good about about adopting a child when the mother was not sure about her decision. Yes I want children and this will probably be the only way I have a family. However, every child first and formost belongs to the mother carrying that child. If you want to raise this child you can. Many people have talked about support and help. It is out there. Please don't jump to adoption before really working this situation through. It will work if thats what you want and your daughter will love you no matter what. Please, tell you family. Let them be there for you. Also keep coming back here. You will receive some wonderful support and advice ny many who have been there.Timberly

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) I am an adoptive parent to a one year old daughter whose birthfather is Autistic. The best thing he did was tell his parents about the baby so he didn't have deal with this alone. I think you should tell your family too so that they can help you with the stress that you are under. No matter what you decide, parenting this child or adoption, don't make your decision based only on the fact that you are bipolar, I am sure you would make a great parent if you are supported by your family and friends. Remember, there are going to be people who think you are making a wrong decision no matter what you decide to do. This is your story and only you can write it! Good Luck and may God bless you.

Laura, My heart goes out to you! I am not bi-polar, but I have suffered from depression. My mother is bi-polar and she parented children and personally, I think she is the best mother in the world! I am 21 years old and had my son when I was 18 years old and chose to parent him. Along with the struggles of parenthood comes immense joy that cannot be described. I say follow your heart! I am currently pregnant and looking into adoption but have no regrets in the choices that I have made in my life. Thinking of you!

Laura, it sounds like you're getting lots of encouragement from others here who are bipolar and parenting or who have chosen to place, so I'm just gonna offer some suggestions about the other things you mentioned. Have you thought about setting up a website to post the pictures of you and your swelling tummy and your ultrasound pictures on? Lots of people on here have links to their own personal webpages, it helps build community. Also, try calling your OB and asking if his group or your hospital offers Lamaze classes for singles. (There's one in our area that uses volunteers for the partners part, which helps build friendships). If you have faith in a higher power, try visiting a local church or synogogue, etc and building a support group. Online chat is great, but you're right, nothing beats a real live hug, and thats the one thing we can't give you online. Just know you're in our prayers and thoughts, and if you need something, we're here (some of us day and night when we can't sleep because the neighbors cats are fighting LOL). To quote something you said "I feel so irresponsible and stupid and selfish and hopeless and lonely." remember this: a few bad choices or mistakes or accidents don't make you irresponsible, it just means you're like everyone else on this planet. Following your heart instead of your head a few times doesn't make you stupid, it just makes you human. Being selfish is a choice, but since you are giving life to a wonderful little girl who will always thank you for it, then I don't see how you could be selfish. Just because you would like to have things different or feel frustrated because things are going like you'd planned, that just means you now feel like every other mom on the planet haha. As for the hopeless, there's always hope for everyone. I'm speaking generically of course, since I try not to go into religion heavily here (PM me if you want some of my encouraging books or poems that I read). One thing I might suggest, is if you haven't already had your meds adjusted for pregnancy, you might consider that or some counseling. Bipolar isn't something to play around with, neither is diabetes or anything else that requires daily maintenance in order to stay healthy. We're here for you. Don't give up. You only have a few more months of pregnancy and then there will be this beautiful baby girl. Whether you parent or place, you'll always know you created something so special and unique and wonderful and miraculous that only YOU could create. good for you. So focus on the positive...if you want to post a picture, feel free. Has the dr told you how big she is yet? Is she a future soccer player, kicking the daylights out of your bladder? --Joyful

Hon you can parent this child if you so wish to do so. Yes you will need to take your meds and very good care of yourself with a child so that your at your best for youself and for this baby. But if you wish to parent it can and has been done by other mothers with bipolar. Talk to a good doctor or therapist etc find out everything you can also I would be happy to chat with you moms any age need love support and someone to just talk to. My daughter just had a baby a few weeks ago and I know how hard pregnancy and those first few weeks with a young baby can be for any woman with or without extra things to consider. Take care and best wishes write me at Terrie37@aol.com Terrie,( Mom to Megan age 25,Dale age 19,Chris, age 15 and Trey age 5, and Grandma to K age 7, J age 4 and A age 6 weeks. )

I don't have much time to write, but over the last two nights after work I went through the process of telling my mom and dad, and then the next night telling my two younger sisters. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and they are being VERY supportive. I want to thank ALL of you for your awesome support. Tuesday night I was trying to work up the courage to broach the subject with my mom and I just couldn't seem to find the strength. I jumped on here and read the replies and THAT is what gave me the final push to tell them. I can't even express how grateful I am for this website and all of you. In the next few days I'll take some time to write back to each of the PMs and postings. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!HUGE HUGS!!!!

I am so glad that you were able to find the strength to tell your family. It also makes me happy that they are being so supportive. Best of luck in your journey. Please keep us posted on how it goes.Timberly

Laura, I was happy to read that you were able to tell your family. You GO GIRL! Regardless of which path you choose to take remember that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY SO FOLLOW YOUR HEART! May all your dreams come true and heres a TEXAS size hug for you҅. Keep us posted on how you are doing... Lots more hugs.... Maria

I'm glad you have found some answers and support! I hope I find the same. I'm 18 and about 19 weeks along. I found this site to see what I can find out about adoption and how it works. I'm not sure yet what I want to do, but think I'm too young to be a mom. I'm finding there are a lot of ways to go and it's just so confusing! How do you know where to start? Thanks for any help!Pluma P.S. I hope it's okay to post here. I posted elsewhere but since I'm new I don't know if I posted right.

Dear Laura, I was so happy to read your response. I hope all is well, and I am relieved to hear you have told your family. They must love you very much. Sometimes that is all we need. That reasurance that we are not alone. Use the support and love they offer, everyone deserves to have a loving family and it sounds like you have one. Your baby will be blessed with so much love..as you are. Lots of prayers coming your way, ok and keep in touch. Pluma, you posted just fine and I am sure that Laura could probly give you alot of support. You'll have lots of support here, just ask honey! Like Laura you are not alone, As you have read there are alot of people here that have been where you are at. Love, and hugs to you both, Andi