Update and farewell

Hello forum friends, I want to give you an update and let you know that this will be my last visit to these forums. I had been on bedrest for several days with extremly high blood pressure and what turned out to be contractions. I wound up in the hospital and the OBGYN did everything possible to stop me from being in labor, but the baby was stillborn Monday night. I feel kind of numb, but also very sad. The social worker at the hospital referred me to a therapist who deals with grief issues and I am meeting with her twice a week which I hope will help. My family has been very supportive, although when my ex, the baby's father, heard the news he said it was for the best which made me want to vomit. Even though I didn't know the baby, and I was not planning on keeping the baby, I still am very, very, very sad at the life that will not be lived. It is hard to understand why God would want to give me this baby and then take the baby away so early. The hospital staff asked me if I wanted to see or hold the baby but I couldn't do it. They did take pictures that my mom is holding onto for me in case I want to see them at some point. There are ladies who make little, tiny hats and blankets for extreme preemie babies and so they dressed my baby and wrapped the baby up. I did not want to know if the baby was a boy or girl though my mom knows so she will tell me if I want to know. I'm just not ready to think about that yet, it is to hard. I would like to express my sincere thanks to everyone who offered support and especially prayers. I hope that everyone here finds the peace and support and information that I did when I came here with so many questions and so few answers. God bless you all and take care,Maralee