19 and scared

I am sorry to hear that you are under such stress. I think most of us face a time when as a result of the choices we make, we have to step out of our comfort zone and make the best of things. Give your parents sometime to get through the initial shock of the news. In the mean time start thinking of some plans for your future. You are not the first 19 year old single mom who is scared :) and you are not alone. You will do fine. Do you have a friend or family memeber who will listen to you and give you some encouragement? Don't ever let someone talk you out of keeping your baby if you want to parent. Have some faith in your ablilities. Hopefully with some time, your parents will accept that they are going to be grandparents and will support you in the way you need. In the mean time, keep your chin up. You got a baby coming who's going to need their mom. I live in Oregon. If I knew you were moving in the same area, I might be able to help you out in looking for work or an apartment. There are also services out here that I can direct you to that will help you out since you are wanting to keep your baby. Send my a private message my clicking on "mj77" and clicking on the correct option. I'll see if I can't point you in the right direction should you need. Hang in there. MJ

I can understand how you feel as I was 19 when I was pregnant and was also working. My parents were adament that my baby was to be adopted nor did I have any support from any one else so eventually caved into pressure to have him adopted. I didn't tell my baby's father about him as I knew this man wouldn't acknowledge being the father of my child. However I always regretted my son being adopted and it took me a long time to forgive my parents for the pressure they put me under. Do not have your baby adopted just because others such as your parents want you to do this. You will regret it if you do then you will have to live with the decision. I was fortunate that my son did want to find me although I found him last year ... he had just turned 23. Take care and start searching for places to get support and keep posting so you get some form of support. Pip :)

Dear Penelope, Wow! I can tell by your email that you will be a great Mom and that you WILL be able to support your child. I know lots of single Moms who are wonderful parents and some are doing it without any help from family. The link below is social services for Oregon. Have you checked there for resources? Don't be afraid to ask for help. [url="http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/aboutdhs/structure/caf.shtml"]http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/aboutdhs/structure/caf.shtml[/url] In some cities, there are private organizations whose primary goal is to help parents to keep their babies, including providing a place to live for up to 6 months after the baby is born. They do not push adoption but do offer those services if the parent desires. Have you done a search on the area where your family will move? Be VERY careful of private adoption agencies who offer "help" for crisis pregnancies. They will try to railroad you into placing your child for adoption and play mind games. They only want your baby to make lots of $$$s and will make it sound SSOOO easy for you to give your baby away. I saw that happening with my daughter, and we ran away from them - fast. Your parents are stunned and afraid for you. They are not able to think clearly now either. When they see that you are making a good plan for you and your baby, they will likely help you. This is their grandchild. (boy or girl?) With big, big hugs, Happy G'Ma

Ditto to a that is being said here!! As HappyG'ma also started....please..since you know you want to keep this baby..don't even "talk to or check out" what any agency has to say....you know, like to appease the doubters...OK, I'll call the local ABC adoption place. Just don't allow it to be an option. You don't have to have a perfetc existance in place to be a great mom...you just have to be willing to be the best mom you can be...and you can do it!! Your family's response is very sad...often typical but sad. For smome reason, having a child young is still considered a threat to your own sucessful existance. Most folks do not realize that here are long term aifications an grief that go hand and hand with relinquishing a baby....Especailly if you know you want this child...wha they re asking you to do is cut out your heart and attempt to keep on living. Don't give in. Where are you moving to in Oregon? I am sending you a PM as I know quite a few folks who strongely believe in the strength of the mother child bond...help is out there.

Can I just say first off....how inconsiderate is it that your parents cannot support you and maybe not even financially but emotionally? It makes me sick to think of how ingnorant and rude parents can be. When I told my parents I was pregnant I thought they were gonna kill me but in fact they supported me all the way. It makes me wonder what could be wrong with parents who dont' support their children. Yeah you made a mistake...but a pregnancy is A SERIOS thing!! There are so many things that come into play. Why is the guy who got you pregnant not around? I would consider taking legal action..a paternity test. If he plans to ditch out on you then you slap him with child support it is ILLEGAL not to pay. Are you two still together? You need to contact him and find out what he is planning on doing....FIRST AND FOREMOST. AND HOW CAN HIS FAMILY BE BLAMING THIS ON YOU!! HOW DARE THEM...do they not realize that it takes 2 YES TWO people to have sex?????????????????????? I would consider calling an adoption agency or a welfare agency and asking them for help...do this immedietely...I know personally that welfare WILL help you or show you to someone who can help you. You may not be thinking about adoption right now but you need help and I would guess that an adoption agency would be there to offer help. No one should be left alone and pregnant..this a horrible A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THING!! Your mother (and I am not condoning sp? this) needs a slap in the face..how dare she tell you that she won't be there when you deliver. UGH!! Can you tell I am mad? Don't let anyone tell you what to do with your baby...whether you chose to place or chose to keep that decision will ultimitely be up to you! Seek counseling...get on the phone with adoption agencies and the welfare agencies right away..before you are left on the streets. If you want to prove you can keep this child then you need to make some decisions now. Girl, I totally know how you are feeling right now. I was an older pregnant girl as well. I was 20 when I got pregnant and A FRESH 20. Please keep me updated. I will be thinking about you! -Deborah :)

It's sad that this young woman's parents are not being as supportive as some might like; I'd certainly be offering more assistance to my child were she in that position, but I just want to point out something to those who would condemn the parents...First off, a 19 year old is not a child. This young woman is no longer in high school and should be cabable of fending for herself. Her parents are not under any obligation to house her, let alone her child. IMHO, grandparents are gravy, not a gimmee. Many of us have children that we're raising and our parents are either dead or out of state. Somehow, we make do. We do not know all the circumstances here but I suspect these parents made their feelings about teen pregnancy crystal clear over the years. I know lots of people who've allowed their teen children to remain at home after high school, but there are certain conditions they've imposed. If those conditions aren't met (e.g. illegal/immoral behavior, school attendance, etc.) their children might also be sent off into the world to make their way. I can't say that I disagree with this approach. Living at home past 18 is a priviledge not a right. Second, some people have no desire to have an infant living in their home once they've raised their own children AND there may also be other children in the home whose lives they do not want to disrupt. That's not bad - it just is. I'm thinking back to that Dr. Phil family whose younger daughter was irreparably harmed by her sister's teen pregnancy and its impact on the family. I can't fault a family for wanting to avoid that fate. Again, I think it's sad that this young woman's parents are unwilling maintain a connection to her if she chooses to parent, I can't come up with one good reason for terminating all ties with this young woman, but the OP is exactly that...a young woman, an adult. Now, she'll simply have to act like one, find a place to live, obtain a job, sign-up for Medicaid or similar insurance, etc. It sucks to have to do it on your own and it won't be easy, but it can be done and I wish her the best of luck in making it happen.

Parent Parent Parent!!! There is help through various programs there is WIC, state Aid, and even opportunities for attending college being a single parent. Dont let anyone tell you YOU CAN'T! Because so many before you have, and so many after you will! Find a local support group of single moms, get the aid that you need no matter which state you are in there is help and everyone on these forums will help put you in contact with those agencies! Dont give up-- let out those frustrations but keep your chin up honey-- you CAN make it! Yvonne

I am just wondering what planet you are. All Penelope is after is a bit of support which is why she has posted. She appears to be well aware of her responsibilities to herself and her baby so is after constructive advice. Her parents may not be under any obligation to support her in any way in your eyes. However in my eyes she is still their daughter regardless of her age .... a parent doesn't stop being a parent just because their child reaches a certain age. If I was her father whether I disapproved of her being pregnant or not I would still be supportive of her decision because she was my daughter. tron1

Quote: I would consider calling an adoption agency or a welfare agency and asking them for help...do this immedietely...I know personally that welfare WILL help you or show you to someone who can help you. You may not be thinking about adoption right now but you need help and I would guess that an adoption agency would be there to offer help. No one should be left alone and pregnant..this a horrible A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THING!! Your mother (and I am not condoning sp? this) needs a slap in the face..how dare she tell you that she won't be there when you deliver. UGH!! Can you tell I am mad? Don't let anyone tell you what to do with your baby...whether you chose to place or chose to keep that decision will ultimitely be up to you!

Seek counseling...get on the phone with adoption agencies and the welfare agencies right away..before you are left on the streets. If you want to prove you can keep this child then you need to make some decisions now.

If she is planning on parenting, the thing would be NOT to contact an adoption agency for help. There are agencies through counties, states, and non-profit organizations for pregnant women. I don't think counseling through an adoption agency is relevant if she is planning on parenting.

You want to parent; the answer is so simple: Keep your baby. Pick up the phone, dial human services, and tell them your story. See what they can do to get you and your child in a suitable living condition.

Dear Penelope, I agree with the posters who advise you NOT to contact adoption agencies for support - their one and only pupose is to find babies for clients who pay them lots of $$$s. They care about you only long enough to get their hands on your baby. My daughter and her 4-month old son live with me and her dad so she can finish college. The father of her son is "unavailable". We are happier than I ever could have imagined. I have never felt closer to my daughter and love her more than ever. My grandson is gorgeous. I am not telling you this to make you feel bad about your family but to let you know that there are families who help their children when they become parents, regardless of the circumstances. It happens every day and does work out in many, many cases! Make a parenting plan now and start looking forward to being a Mom! With big hugs, Happy G'Ma

Penelope, I PM'd you back. I too do not think you should contact an adoption agency. Also, keep in mind this young lady's parents are probably dealing with their own shock over this issue. Yes, it would be wonderful if they would be supportive. I think perhaps that will come with time. It doesn't sound like they are booting her out now, but suggesting when they get to OR that because she and her boyfriend decided to have sex and start a family that she become responsible and take care of her son or daughter (too bad baby's dad isn't being more supportive). She is also and adult and should possibly looking into things anyway. What P's mom or dad says now (though doesn't make it right or appropriate), sounds as if is a voice of their grief. Hopefully they don't really mean what they say--even if it sounds like it. P., hang in there. I really believe things have to get better with time and as your parents come to terms with things. I think--and hope, your parents will be a great support at some point shortly. In the mean time, continue to look for avenues to be the best mom you can be to your unborn baby. You are taking a step in the right direction. Take care hon, this baby needs you and you WILL BE OKAY, we're here if you need to vent :) (((hugs))), MJ

Hello! I am currently in a situation similar to P.'s, however, I'm a little farther along. I just wanted to let P. know that I can tell you from experience that you CAN make it work, I am right now. My daughter is 15 mos. and I'm due in January, but it's working. One thing I noticed is that a lot of people are suggesting going to DHS for help. Listen to them, that's what I'm doing. I can tell you I wouldn't have been able to feed me or my daughter at times without assistance. There is a program here in Tennessee called Families First that is a lot like welfare, you apply for it thru DHS. You have to be 7 mos. along before you can get it, although it offers job search assistance, child-care, transportation if need be, you do get a small check each month, and they will go after the father for child support. It is extremely handy. If they have a program similar to that up there, go for it.

Hi Penelope, Have you tried calling a pregnancy support center like birthright? They could provide the emotional support during your pregnancy that you are seeking. I think getting accurate facts about parenting vs. adoption before making a decision in important. How can you make an unbiased decision without examining all points of view? May your decision be the one that is best for your unborn child! Praying for you! M :)

Penelope, I have had the pleasure and the sorrow of being both a birthmother (21 years ago) and a single mother (for 7 years) All I can tell you is that to give a baby up for adoption is very difficult and you have to be very sure of yourself, and your choice, and your reasons to be able to move on and live with it. Being a single parent is not easy, I won't lie. And I did have a support system, so it was easier for me. But, I can tell you that I look around now many years later and I have a college education, a pretty good job, and have found a wonderful husband and father for my children. Being a single mom is not the end of the world, but the beginning of a new one. It's tough, but it is doable. My suggestion is to research school-to-work programs that also encompasses day care so that you can begin preparing for your child's future today. If after you research all of the options available to you, you are not satisfied, then contact an adoption professional, or look through some parent profiles where you get to pick the parents. Feel free to email me if you need to talk, I've been through it at a much younger age, with many less options. GOODLUCK!