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Maybe it's not so strange, a bit about myself.
I'm an older adoptee, never did look for my bio parents, was made to feel guilty with my adopted mother, actually a couple of years after my adopted mother passed on, I did talk to a lady she told me to leave well enough alone.
The people who adopted me, bless their souls died a long time ago, yeah it's hurt for a long time. My backgroud is really different, they fostered a lot of kids, plus adopted 3 others, plus had three children of their own who are quite a bit older then I am, none of us are close, it was like two different families.
Ok about my strange question.....does anyone here feel they don't deserve to be treated well, meaning someone is good to you, but you keep pushing them away, a part of you keeps doing that and you have no idea why, you don't mean to. I married a guy who's not been the best to me, never supported me when I've needed it and the funny thing of it, I went into this marriage knowing full well...it's almost like I felt I didn't deserve better.
Please if anyone feels the same let me know, I've felt so alone with these feelings for a long time.
Thanks for listening to me.
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Hello. I am not an adoptee, I am a birth-mom. But I read the adoptees' posts quite frequently, mainly because I want to try and understand how my daughter might feel. I did want to share with you, though, that when I spoke to my daughter's ad-dad, he said that she always held everything inside and wouldn't open up a lot of times. Not exactly the same thing, but somewhat... Just from reading on here, I think definately a lot of adoptees go through the same thing. I'm not sure if it has to do with the rejection that they feel they suffered from their bio parents...?I like the Anthony Robbins quote! I read a lot of his stuff!Take Care!
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Hey, I just read your post. I'm a little different from your situation. I don't let anyone get too close to me. Some of the relationships I have been in (whether that be family, friends, or couple) I have held back and/or ended the relationship before it got too personal. I just don't want to allow myself to open up and to either be regected or taken for granted; I don't want to allow any opportunity for me to get hurt again. I think that this fear might just stem from being adopted myself. With your issue, you chose that relationship because you didn't want to really open up to someone and have that someone you really cared about toss you out. Then you might get badly hurt. You being adopted may or may not be subconsciously feeling that because your biological parents didn't want you that you just weren't good enough for them. Now, they may have in reality wanted you, but the feeling I got about the whole thing was that I was given up and not wanted by anyone. That's what I lived with for most of my late childhood and teenage years. This is when I had most of my relationship problems and had a hard time with compliments. I would think,"oh, they're just being nice, they don't mean it because nobody likes me or thinks well of me in reality.". Anyway, I just thought I'd share this with you and tell you that once you recognize something like this is a problem, the situations you find yourself in while socializing become a bit easier to tackle. They make the issue easier to pinpoint and deal with.
Interesting post. Here's another way I've looked at the whole "pushing people away" thing.......What if we (as adoptees) actually push people away, not solely because we don't feel worthy.......but as a "TEST" if you will to see if they will reject us??? I find I do that to my poor husband on occasion (although subconciously I think).......Anyone else share the same feelings? Or maybe an entirely different perspective. I don't know if you watch Dr Phil, but one of his favorite sayings is "What we fear.......we create".....seems to apply here for sure :) Karen
Thanks for your replys, I can relate to a lot of what's been said here.
Thanks makhaze, yeah I love Anthony Robbins too. I think that's so cool you know where your daughter is and how she's doing, I hope you both have found peace concerning this.
Thanks Bluebird....oh boy you sound like me if someone gives me a compliment, I pull right into myself and really hate it, I'd sooner an insult, now isn't that the oddest thing? I have no clue why either. Oh yeah now don't be trying to insult me :D
Thanks Kreilly, you may be onto something there, the TEST, I've never thought about that. I get so many thoughts swirling around my head anymore it's hard to keep up with them today. A lot of years thrashing around with this, and it really hurts doesn't it? Part of me knows you don't have to be adopted to have some of these feelings, but a HUGE part of me knows it's where is stems from, I was tossed around for the first year and a half of my life before my Aparents got me, it's funny when I was a child I knew something wasn't right, I was ok with people then but don't get to close.
Before I start rambling here gonna stop, thanks for your input, every bit helps. I have to say though it gets so tiring, it's like a JOB, the emotions involved with all of it.
Hope you all have some joy and peace in your lives.
Bless....Denise