Widow interested in adoption...

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First I want to say I am so sorry for all of your losses. I am a single parent after divorce. My only child is grown and I still wanted more children. I no longer had anyone at home to tell me I couldn't so last year I adopted a 7-yr-old as a single mom. I adopted from Russia, I have been thinking about trying again from China this time so I was kind of checking out this board when I saw your post. Anyway, my point is, if it is in your heart to adopt and have a child I strongly urge you to do it. There is a little person, infant or child, who needs a mommy as much as you want to be one. I would begin by checking out agencies in your area. Sometimes there are expos (for lack of a better word) where agencies hold information sessions to give you an overview of the step by step process. Also check out your local library, there should be a section on adoption that can give you some information. As a teacher, I am assuming that you may meet some adoptive families. I am a pediatric dental hygienist and we have all kinds of adoptive family. And I found out just how many when I started to talk about my adoption. If you do know of some families, I would approach them letting them know right from the start that you are interested in adopting and if they would be willing to share any information. Most are happy to do so, especially when they know it is to inform. As for cost, well, all I can say is go talk to your local bank. There are grants available but I did not recieve any and the impression I get from others on the Russian board is that they are very rare, which is an understatement. But in the big picture of life, my child cost the same as a decent (not decked out) automobile. He will and frankly already has given me more joy and fulfillment than any car will ever give me. Well worth the loan. I wish you well on this journey. It can be very trying but in the end it is priceless. Nancy

Check out the Families With Children from China's website [url]www.fwcc.org[/url] - there's lots of info for you. Since you'll be adopting as a single woman, you need to be aware that there is an 8% quota on singles so you might have to get on several agency waiting lists. There is also a yahoo group for singles adopting from China: [url]http://groups.yahoo.com/group/single-adopt-china/[/url] As for finances, the cost to adopt from China runs $15k-$20k (however, this isn't all due upfront). There was a tax credit of $10k for adoption costs after the adoption is completed and some agency will waive their fees (which is a portion of the total fees) for special needs adoption.

I applaud you for wanting to do this on your own. Best of luck to you. So sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I can only imagine the devastation you have suffered. Adoption is a wonderful choice and any child will certainly add to your happiness in the future.

I just came home from CHina on October 1st with my beautiful daughter, Julia Jade. She is 11months old. I am single and can't believe I waited so long to do this. Just before going to China I had serious doubts. I thought giving up my freedom may have been the wrong thing to do. Now that I have her in my arms I can honestly say it is sooo right. Yes, it is expensive. But she is worth every penny. Wishing you a peaceful decision. Janet

As you may know, China currently has a singles quota. An agency may have only 8% of its dossiers coming from single persons, including widows, never-marrieds, divorced persons, etc. This can make it difficult for a single person to find a singles slot. A single person won't be able to pick and choose agencies, the way a married person can. However, all is not lost. Many singles, by being persistent, find singles slots within 6 months to a year of the time they begin looking. You can find a list of agencies working with China on the website of the Joint Council on International Children's Services. It is not 100% complete, but it probably has 90% of the agencies. Contact each of the agencies, to see if they have singles slots available. You may get lucky and find one that has suddenly had an opening, because it has gotten more married clients than it expected. If not, ask if the agencies have a waiting list that you can get on. Some do and some don't. Some agencies allow you to place your name on their waiting lists at no or little cost, while others charge a hefty fee. Consider putting your name on the waiting lists of the agencies with cost-free or cheap access. When you have done so, research the agencies to see if you really would be comfortable using them. Then, check back with all the agencies, both those whose waiting lists you are on and all the others, at least every two months, and preferably every month. Many singles report that this approach has gotten them a quota space in under six months. Many agencies are more willing to consider a single if he/she is "paper-ready" -- which means that he/she has a completed homestudy and USCIS clearance. I would strongly urge you to consider starting your homestudy and I-600A submission now, although there is some risk that, if you don't find a singles slot right away, your paperwork could expire before you complete your adoption, meaning additional time and expense to update it. You might also want to consider applying through China's Waiting Child program, if you are willing to consider a child with a special need such as cleft palate, Hep. B carrier status, a correctable heart problem, etc., or a child who is of school age. The Waiting Child program does not have a singles quota. Each participating agency has its own special list of children, for whom China has authorized it to find families. When you contact agencies, ask if you can receive a copy of its current Waiting Child list (they get new ones approximately quarterly). As to sources of help, do not expect the agencies to reduce their fees unless you are willing to adopt a child with signficant special needs. Most families I've talked to do not have much luck with the grant programs that you can sometimes read about on the Internet, though you might explore this option. Most families seem to have better luck fundraising through such activities as taking a home equity line of credit, selling items on E-Bay or at yard sales, getting an adoption loan from certain banks, asking family and friends for help, running fundraisers, etc. They also seem to do well cutting back on certain expenses -- such as video rentals -- and putting the money saved aside for adoption. Do remember that China adoption is much less costly than adoption from some other countries. The fees are pretty predictable, too. And you don't pay all the fees up front. Some fees won't come due until about a year after you first start the process. This really helps many people save for adoption. Sharon