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I called the birthmom of our baby to let her know that we are going to visit my parents and I gave her the dates and I told her that we would be getting a hotel so we all could be confortable and so that she could come home to stay with my parents if she wanted. She told me that she would be staying at the college during our trip and that she wanted my husband and I to come see her at school and if she wanted to come visit with all of us she would and she would call us first and she said that it would be a waste of money for us to get a hotel room . Then she went on talking about her weekend and going to the clubs and her friends and the drama that happened this wekend with all her friends and etc. So i feel better about my talk with her about the visit with my parents but I don't know if she wants to see the baby and I guess I will let her make the first move in calling us when and if she wants to see the baby.I'm thinking she wants limited contact at this point regarding the baby but I'm not sure.I guess if she wanted to see the baby she will say right????So do I cancell the hotel reservations?????My parents do not want us to stay at a hotel but should I be scared that she will just show up???? Is it common for some birthmoms to not want any contact with the baby for a while???? guess i need some advice???
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I'd keep the reservations. you can always cancel them when you arrive (you know the 6pm thing). She's probably going out of her way to make you comfortable, just like you are :) . If you have the reservations you can see what happens-they're there if you need them. She may want to see the baby, but is conscious of your needs too. Or she may not be sure what she wants. It's so hard with a first visit. we just had ours this past summer and I know bmom was conflicted.Once she saw dd, however, everything just fell into place.
good luck!
Lisa
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pinkheart
...She told me that she would be staying at the college during our trip and that she wanted my husband and I to come see her at school and if she wanted to come visit with all of us she would and she would call us first and she said that it would be a waste of money for us to get a hotel room ... . So i feel better about my talk with her about the visit with my parents but I don't know if she wants to see the baby and I guess I will let her make the first move in calling us when and if she wants to see the baby.
I'm thinking she wants limited contact at this point regarding the baby but I'm not sure.I guess if she wanted to see the baby she will say right????So do I cancell the hotel reservations?????My parents do not want us to stay at a hotel but should I be scared that she will just show up???? Is it common for some birthmoms to not want any contact with the baby for a while???? guess i need some advice???
I agree with Sugar - I think she's working hard to be respectful of you and your parents. I suspect she very much wants to see the baby, and she's also very frightened of it.
Now it's your turn to step up and make arrangements for her to see your child - We'd love to come see you "Mary" and you can spend some time with "John" too! We can all see the campus and your room, and you can spend some time seeing how marvelously "John" is doing. He's a champion spitter-upper! Then go and enjoy yourselves.
JMHO
Regina
Thanks for the advice . I did tell her we would all love to spend time together on our trip and she said she would think about it. She stated she only wanted my husband and I to come see her at college. I told her that we could all meet for lunch or whatever she wanted if she decided to see the baby. She said she might want to . Or she may drive up for the day and I said that would be great. So I hope that she will. I don't want to pressure her in seeing the baby if she chooses not to and I told her it whatever she felt comfortable in doing. So i hope I did the right thing. I told her we all could not wait to see her.
We were the ones to suggest a first visit with our child's birthmother, and she did turn us down. We said, no prob, we're here when you're ready, and left it alone. We were also very aware of not wanting to force it on her just because we might be ready. A few weeks went by and she called to say she was hoping to us, and we got together.
Don't worry, I know that's easier said than done. All you can do is call her when you get into town, offer to visit, then leave the subject alone. Would you be willing/able to make another trip in the near future if she's not ready now? That might be important for her to know.
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It so nice to hear that you care so much about your birth Mom. I can tell from your words that you truly want to make her the most comfortable as possible. Stay with your parents and let her give you a call when she is ready. She knows your there, and that she can call you. Hope you have a nice trip.