new to adoption

I agree 100%, your decision should be your decision. I kept my first son because of pressure from my family. We had just lost my nephew from and issue at birth and "How could I take away another grandchild?" I sometimes regret my choice but I love my son. When I finally decided to give Jordan to his parents, I had a peace in my heart where I knew I was doing the right thing.

Andy, You definately need to weigh all your options. Of course, not being able to have a child I was grateful that our birthmom chose to have our baby instead of abortion. Giving up your child is one of the most selfless acts you can do. There are pros and cons to all sides. As long as you can sleep at night with whatever decision you make that is all that matters. Our thoughts and prayers are with you in this very difficult time.Denice

Andy, I just wanted to tell you that I am in a VERY similar situation. I am now 7 months pregnant with a 3 1/2 year old daughter (from a previous relationship) and have been considering adoption since this baby's father and I broke up in January. Well, actually since I found out I was pregnant, but we decided to get engaged and I thought we could make it work. Boy was I wrong. I too do know the struggles of raising a child by yourself and while I am also educated, I am not in a position to raise another kid right now. And I especially do not want to do it alone. I'm wondering, if your still visiting this site, how things are working out for you. I am still in the decision phase. I think I know what I should do, but as time goes on, I am more and more uncertain.

Hi,I just wanted to offer some support as someone who has been through a similar situation and recently did place my daughter for adoption.It was a difficult decision because I knew I could be a capable mother, but it wasn't the right time for me. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy to say good bye to such a beautiful little girl and I do deal with the grief everyday, but I know I made the right decision for both of us. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is if you every need some support please feel free to send me a private message.

This intrigues me.You are a parent of a seven year old. So, when I ask you what children NEED to survive, what is your answer? Being a parent myself, I know the answer is food (which, for an infant, can be absolutely 100% free for an entire year if you breastfeed), clothing (which can be incredibly cheap if you are a bargain hunter), shelter (which you obviously have at this point) and love. Shelter doesn't have to be their own room; it needs to be a safe, secure place. If you co-sleep, you don't even need to purchase a new crib. The "things" in life (toys, pretty dresses/outfits and extras) aren't necessary to raise a well-rounded, happy child. As for your seven year old... cheating her out of what? The understanding that sometimes you have to share things with others? Sometimes you even have to share PEOPLE with others? Aren't you, instead, cheating her out of the chance to learn these things while simultaneously experiencing the joys of having a sibling? Have you considered how she will take and understand the loss? Have you discussed it, thoroughly, with her and a therapist?I may not sound supportive but I can't idly sit by while you throw out justifications for things that have other options. I wish someone would have challenged me to think about some of the things that I have posed in my reply which is why I do the same for expectant parents now.Sit down and write out what you are losing as opposed to what adoption placement "gains" for YOUR personal family... not a potential adoptive family.

My thirdborn knew the voice of his older sister (4 y.o. at the time) in utero. He would become very active (kicking, moving) upon hearing her voice, and as an infant and child loved having her around... and she learned to be "mommies helper" with her baby brother. Siblings do feel gain (or loss if not there!) over each other and mature and learn a lot from each other in ways they might not have otherwise. All good points to consider in the post above, as well as the breastfeeding, etc.Merrill

I wouldn't ever want to pressure somebody into adoption, so please, nobody take this that way. But single parenting is a HUGE challenge, and it's important to be realistic about how much work it is. I'm well educated and I have a decent stable job. And I still struggle to find enough time and enough money. Sure, breastfeeding is free and you can buy clothes at thrift stores. But as a single mom, you will probably have to go back to work---and daycare for an infant can be upwards of $1000 a month. (I pay $800 a month for my two year old.) Likewise, kids don't live on breastmilk forever. Pretty soon the grocery bill does get larger. And single parenting means you almost never get a break. It is exhausting, hard, difficult work. Keeping the house running, working a fulltime job, and parenting my son takes every waking hour and a few of the sleeping ones, too! I am a single mom by choice, and I wouldn't have it any other way. My son has made my life so rich and so wonderful. But it is a huge challenge for me, financially and emotionally and logistically. If I were in more difficult circumstances, with a lower wage or less education or less support from my family, I don't know how I would make it work. I'd love to have a second child, but I know that there's no way I can afford it, and I know how difficult it would be to manage to parent both kids by myself. I'm not advising the OP to keep her baby or to place. But I am saying that it's important not to underestimate the challenges (which, as a single mom already, I'm sure she knows all about). She should evaluate her resources and support systems carefully, and make a thoughtful, reasoned decision about what she can and can't do.

im an adoptee and i dont undrestand why you feel like you have to give up your child i dont undrestand why you feel like you can only love one child and not the other

im an adoptee and i dont understand why you feel like you have to give your child up for adoption i dont understand why you feel like you can love one child and not the other

i understand what you are going thourgh,i also am pregant 6 months along and know i can not keep the baby,but not sure where to turn to

Andy, it has been my experience in the adoption journey that everyone wants to throw out advice because they think they know more than you (Jenna, I thought your post is great, and very clarifying information for Andy to follow). And many times, without you even asking for advice, right? Happens to me everyday!We get all kinds of questions why did we pick domestic adoption and not international, etc. etc. I think you get the drift.What I have to say is this. Follow your heart. That's all you can do. Whatever you feel brings you peace of mind, that is your heart telling you it is right. Forget all the "well meaning" people in your life trying to influence you one way or the other. You will have to live with whatever decision you make for the rest of your life.Before you make that decision, think really carefully. Jenna is right, you need to evaluate whether your motivation is to help you and your baby, or to help others... help yourself and your baby first! Whatever that decision is, it will be the right one for you.Good luck to you... and your family. You have lots of support here!

Hi, I just wanted to say as a grown woman who was adopted. I am thankful I was. I have a loving and supportive family. I feel in the end you have to make a choice that is best for you, your child and your family. Good luck to you along your journey!

If your spiritual or religious, pray on this decision. Weigh out every option, every possibilty. And understand that if you do end up deciding on adoption, it's only going to get harder the further into pregnancy you get.I did all that. I made lists of positives and negatives. Things that would be easier to do without a baby. Things that would be impossible to do with a baby. Things I wanted to offer this child that I just couldn't. I prayed a lot. In the end, I decided that adoption was right for me, for my child. Don't get me wrong... there are still some regrets. But I would have had regrets if I had decided to keep him.There are always going to be people who will question your decision. Whatever your decision ends up being. You've gotta do what you feel is right.