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A little background - Shawn came to live with us in March of 2003 as a foster child. He was just 3 at the time. His sister who was 6 months old had been with us for a month prior to him coming to live with us. Bio mom and dad are seperated & living in diff. cities. Mom has 2 more children (ages 2 & 1 now) and is pregnant again. Visits with mom were sporadic while he was in foster care and she moved to another city for a period of time and didn't see him for 6-7 months. Basically she was given the option to relinquish her rights to Shawn & Shilo because they had been in care for 2 years and she had done NOTHING on her case plan OR lose all 4 of her children because the county couldn't justify getting permanent custody of 2 and leaving the other 2 with her. Anyways, since the adoption has been final (yes we adopted them both) we have kept in contact with mom & dad and I have taken the kids to visit mom at least 3-4 times. Adoption was final May 2005. Mom lives an hour and a half from us. OK - on to my question (sorry this is becoming so long). On Monday (Shawn's birthday) while talking to his bio mom he told her "I'm not going to call you MommyBarb anymore, I'm just going to call you Barb" He then proceeded to tell her that I told him he couldn't call her MommyBarb anymore which is a TOTAL lie. She, of course, was very angry with me & "assumed" I did tell him that but I assured her that I didn't and continued to ask him why but all he could tell me is that "he wants to". He is ADHD & bipolar and on medication. I told her not to make a big deal about it and just kind of go with the flow. I know it is upsetting to her that he wants to call her Barb now but truly if that is the biggest problem we ever have with him we should consider ourselves very lucky. My older kids all went thru a stage where they called me by my first name & it didn't last long. She is just adament that we find out WHY and is calling me 3-4 times a day to "discuss it". She talked to him on the phone tonight & when she began badgering him about it I took the phone away & told her she was making it a much more difficult situation than it should be and I would not allow that to happen. What do I do? I know she is upset about it but even after talking with him numerous times in daily conversation I get no "reason" and there may not be one!!!! I guess I just need some help in explaining this to his bio mom. HELP! Thanks!!!
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I believe that your first priority is that of your son and if that's what he wants to call his bio-mom, then she should accept it. If it were me, I would set limits with the bio-mom, let her know that it's not acceptable to continue to badger him about this and accept that it's what he wants. I would think that all the badgering from her would only make things worse. JMO.
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