termination of parental rights

This is gets complicated, but please stick with me. My father and stepmother have had custody of her grandaughter since July of 2000 (it became permanent custody in Aug of 2001). They live in Oklahoma; my husband and I live in Michigan. My dad is 75, my stepmother is 66 and the child is 3. My husband and I want to adopt the child. Our plan has been for my dad and stepmom to adopt her and then we would adopt the child from them. In May of 2002, an OK judge ruled they could procede with the adoption without parental consent and now the adoption hearing is set for Sept. After the May ruling, the birthmother seemed to stop any contesting. The birthfather (my stepbrother) is still contesting the adoption. He also has felony convictions for sexual misconduct with a minor and hasn't registered as a sex offender, per the law. So far, we have kept the final adoption plans a secret from the birthfather (and the courts). My dad's lawyer is recommending that they still make the child available for visits from the birthparents. He's also recommending that they keep the child with them until the 30 day appeal process is over (after the Sept hearing). There's also a 6 month waiting period for adoptive families where one parent is not biological - the lawyer is trying to get that waived. My frustration is that this child is already 3. We've had her visit several times, but she's getting a sense that her world is about to change. The transition is going to be hard enough, for her and for our other biological kids. I don't want to drag it out any longer. I know that state laws vary, but can you make recommendations about: 1) should we have / still keep the final adoption plans secret? 2) Why can't the child live with us now and complete the legalities without her being present?