ttc for fear of adoption process again?

Hi Madden's mom,I really love the beautiful statement on your signature. I just love it. I'm not ttc, but wanted to wish you well. I'll pray for you and your family. I know it's a draining process, but honestly, it's nothing compared to adoption. It has different fears and pain with it, but you pretty much know within a few weeks if it didn't work, and if it does work, you're monitored so closely that if any little thing goes wrong (God willing, it won't!) that you'll know and be able to deal with it instead of wondering. I was just telling dh tonight that I'm losing hope with adoption. We're matched with a pbmom but there's been no contact for over a week now, and we and the agency are concerned about this. I know it *could* still work out, but I am feeling like it won't. So that brings us back to square one... again... and it just makes me wonder if it will ever work. So, in that since, ttc even with ART, is definitely stressful, filled with wonderment, but not this seemingly unended since of wonderment. I don't know much about you, but I would suggest to anyone, to make a plan. We didn't make a plan until I was at the end of my rope with IVF. We started IVF right away after we were married, and did it for 3 years. After 1 year I started saying I needed a break. But then kept feeling like I'd miss my chance, etc. Or that next time will be the one and I kept going and going. I did take a few months off, and it was great for me. Still didn't make a plan. A year later, after more IVF's, I told DH this is it. One more. Our last cycle we did PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) which revealed quite a bit. And, allowed us to accept once and for all, that we are infertile. But, even before that, knowing that I was only doing this one last cycle, made it so much easier to be in that moment and just deal. I really think for anyone ttc, you should make a plan with your partner. Come together on how long you won't to ttc on your own (if this is an option). If that time comes and goes with no baby, then revisit and decide how long you want to try ART. Insurance and money may play into it. We were fortunate because due to DH's illness which we knew would cause him to be sterile, our insurance covered every cycle. However, if we didn't have that benefit, I don't know if we would have tried at all due to the cost. So make a plan for ART and stick with that. At least you'll have some control over things, and you will no there is an end in sight. I hope you don't have to ttc for long! And if you end up doing ART, I'm sure you'll have better luck than we did. Ours was a medical problem, which we were so grateful to have identified. Take care, and best wishes. I really hope that your dreams come true. I can understand why adoption a second time could be scary. I haven't even adopted yet, and I'm a little nervous about it. Good luck!

Tracy you know I am in the same situation as you. It really does scare me to try adopting again but know that I may have to start that back up. As I am not convinced I can get pregnant. I would adopt in a heart beat if I knew we would have the same experience as before and we had the money. It just isn't something we can afford to do right now. I will keep you in my prayers for the 18th!! So June or so huh?

Thanks so much. I appreciate your kind words of advice, Julie. Part of the problem is that my insurance does not cover any part of the ART procedures. I have and would have to pay all cash! Shay knows this, but I will reiterate, we live in New Orleans and lost just about everything we had. Luckily our insurance has been fair and we are starting to put our lives back together again. If we do things smart, very smart, we may be able to have enough money left over to either 1. adopt again or 2. go through 3 - 4 IVF cycles. That is the shot we will have. Having this type of money again would take years. So, the question becomes...what do we do? And yes Shay, if we go ahead, it will be approximately June...bcp in May and then a go.

Hi- Just wanted to add my two cents. Have you considered surrogacy as an option? I don't know what your medical diagnosis is, but using a gestational carrier or a traditional surrogate may be the answer for you. That is what we decided to do since we learned that adoption is not the right path for us. Just something to think about. Good luck! :)

We were ttc last year while being foster parents at the same time. We are still waiting to see if our girls become freed for adoption. Well, in august of last year, after 5 months of trying, we were successful. We used a donor and a combo of drugs for the last try. We were due may of this year The pregnancy was textbook. No problems or hints of problems. Then on 12/30, I went into premature labor and our son was born with a heartbeat and died an hour later. Due to it being so early, he didn't have a chance. turns out some kind of infection had developed which caused the labor to start. Something that is rare in all pregnancies but fairly common for those that end with premature labor. My point in all of this is that there are no guarantees no matter which way you go. We are hopeful that we will be ableto start again soon, as my doctor thinks it is unlikely to occurr again. But still, you just never know. Good luck, however you go.

leaabc123...I just want to say I am sorry that you had this happen with your pregnancy! HUgs to you! I am happy to hear that you will try again and pray that it will be successful! Also the best of luck and prayers for your foster girls!!! Thank you for sharing your story with us!! :grouphug:

OOH, Madden's mom, check around for clinics that will reimburse you for failed ART cycles. The one I ended at, the one that gave us answers, had such a policy, and they also have the best success rate in the country... PM me if you want their info. They have offices all over the country. I'm sorry you lost everything. So scary. I hope things recover for you and your family, quickly. Take care.

Check with your medical coverage provider to see if they have negotiated rates. My insurance did not cover IVF but they did have a negotiated rate because they provided IVF coverage for other companies or certain states. In certain states there is mandatory coverage of ART. We saved a bundle. All my meds were covered. I think I paid about $50 for $3000 to $4000 worth of meds. Each cycle ended up costing $7800. That's still alot of money but it's better than $12,000 a cycle.

I am going to ask about offsetting some of the costs. leaabc123...I am so sorry about the way things happened for you with your pgncy. I will keep your family and your son in my prayers. Since I am not shy I'll go ahead and tell you... my diagnosis is unexplained infertility. During IVF my eggs fertilize, they just refuse to attach. No idea why. My RE is the most wonderful woman, with 2 from a surrogate herself, and I feel confident that she is trying her hardest with me. We shall see I guess. I really appreciate all of your advice and well wishes...

Oh Tracy, I think this is a legitimate fear for sure. When people ignorantly say things like "oh, you got her the easy way" I first want to smack them but after calming myself (deep breath...) I educate them on the perils of the adoption journey. It is NOT for the faint of heart that is for sure, much harder IMO than TTC, much harder... but then, I guess I wasn't as brave as some of you as I didn't venture into the more "clinical" routes of TTC. We stopped before that because of personal, and yes, financial reasons. That said, another thing I try to live by is to never do anything out of fear, but rather hope... hoping an addition to your family finds you one way or the other. Hoping, hoping, hoping...

In my journeys through foster care and speaking with people who adopted, both domestically and internationally, along with people who have had successful pregnancies, with medical help or not, I have discovered that one way is not easier or better than any other way. We thought our pregnancy was fine and going to be an "easy" one. Obviously not the case. The truth is that even with the likelihood of getting pg again, I will be at increased risk for future problems. Our insurance covers our meds and our flex spending plan reimburses other costs that aren't covered. So, hopefully, we have a good year. Good luck to all, regardless of the path you are on.

I am so sorry for your loss, leaabc123. You are so right...no path is easy. Sending ((((hugs)))) across the miles.

Madden's Mom, I completely agree about being scared about adopting from Russia again. We also had an EXTREMELY easy adoption, and I do not think we can top our "one trip" adoption. We only had to be in Russia for 2 weeks total, and brought our kids home within a year of first signing up with our agency. I am astounded at how long some of the people have had to wait to go back for their second trip. Yikes. We also really wanted to try agiain to have a baby. I guess I almost feel like it would be nice to have at least one successful pregnancy. Maybe that is because I got so far with my one pregnancy, but I really do want to try. If we can not have a baby, we will at some point consider most of the adoption routes again. But I do not know if we would go back to Russia again with the uncertainty now. We thought we wanted to, but after thinking more about it, and seeing what was going on lately, we decided to go this direction instead. Good luck with your upcoming cycle! Are you doing IVF? We are going to start from scratch for a few months, just clomid & metformin. Then we are going to try IUI again because we got new insurance and it is covered again. Then, we will try IVF. I got info packets from all of the RE's in our metro area, and made myself a cost spreadsheet. So I am ready for that too when we get there. One of them offers IVF for 14K, 3 tries, if no pregnancy, you get 11 back (if you are under a certain age). So I figure it will be worth it when we get there. Anyhow, Take care, and hopefully this will be a great cycle! Renae

Thanks Renae! Yes, I'll have to go staright to IVF because of my endo. I love the cost of the places that will offer some mony back. And that one you found sounds great. In Louisiana, none of it is covered...about 10k per cycle, but I know my RE will waive some costs...I just have to figure out which. Good luck!