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I've got an 11 year old - and we've always been VERY open with him about his sexuality and have invested a lot of time in making sure he isnt ғashamed of his parts.
However, weԒve never had the full-fledged sit down and talk about the birds and the bees thing.
He knows where babies come from.
He knows that girls are different than boys.
But now, hes having issues. Apparently, the topic on the playground is sex, and today, a group of boys got in trouble.
So, how much of ғthe talk is appropriate for an 11 year old?
I realize I may have already missed the mark here Ԗ and I should have taken a hint when the 12 year old girl down the street got pregnant and gave birth shortly after her 13th birthday last year
What is appropriate for this age?
He is going thru puberty Ŗ and has already questioned changes in his bodydoes this mean its œtime?
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I'm not sure I understand your question - but I'll give it a shot.
We've not really talked about it with him - but I would not discourage it and I have no problem with it at all, provided he does it in his room, with the door closed...or in another private place.
I never want him to be ashamed of his body - and NEVER want him to think that sex, masturbation or any of that is wrong...
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When I assumed I'd get a boy as a foster-adopt child, I bought a book called "What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys : A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Sons". It seems pretty good at discussing all the subjects related to boys, puberty, sex, etc., but it is very open and honest, not the kind of book some parents would want maybe.
Of course, then I got a girl instead of a boy, so now I guess I need to buy the girl version of the book.
[font=Comic Sans MS]....and of course "the talk" really is an ongoing level of communication as opposed to a single incident.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]I think 11 or 12 is old enough to know the works. Everything. Especially since it's the talk at school. He should know about:[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]The Act (the penis goes in the vagina)[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Condoms (squeezing the tip to get the air out)[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Slang words for things and acts (I was always worried that some girl would come along and ask my son if he wanted a bj and that he'd innocently say "uh, okay" and then have him terrified when she heads for the zipper)[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Masturbation (flush your kleenex or empty your own trash can ~ got it??)[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Wet dreams (hey buddy, if you ever wake up with sticky pjs, don't freak out, etc. etc.) [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]This of course in addition to all the emotion and respect talks.[/font]
Just e-mail me the explaination at eagleskd13@aol.com. I don't understand.Thanks.
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Eagles,
Go here [url]http://forums.adoption.com/faq.php?faq=vb_board_usage#faq_reputation_faq[/url]
If you'd like to discuss it, you can PM me - I'd really like this thread to stay on track :)
[font=Comic Sans MS][/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]The thing is, you shouldn't wait until they do happen, they need to know well ahead of time.[/font]
eagleskd
Evildishrag,[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]When does all these things happen to a boy? Like I said, I have no clue. I thought it was 13ish...but it could be sooner????[/font][font=Comic Sans MS] Eagles
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Hey Brandy,This is so hard. I asked my BIL a few years ago, because his daughter (15 now, then 9) was already in some serious trouble.. and I told him it was a matter of time before she began exploring things she wants to learn about. She doesn't have it in her to ask, but she explores, and that was terrifying for me. She has no mom (mom abandoned her at 7) so I asked him when he'd talk to her about it. He asked if I would because I had been the only constant female in her life. So, we went one day for a walk to the bridal shop to pick out her jr. bridesmaid dress for our wedding...on the walk I casually brought up the subject. Along with drugs and alcohol, and just plain old smoking cigarrettes. I asked her what she knew about it. She was uncomfortable at first, then I told her that if she had any questions, I wanted her to ask me. I told her that it's nothing to be ashamed about, and everyone has questions, and it's better to ask to take the mystery (and attraction) out of whatever she was wondering about. She asked a couple of questions, and I answered them. I knew when she heard enough, and that's when I'd stop answering that question. You'll know by your son's body language if he gets uncomfortable. And you can let him know that when he needs to ask more questions to ask you. Someone had told me that years ago. To start talking young, and only give them what they can grasp at that age, and to fine tune as they get older. I think it's helped. This poor girl is still troubled, but I know she got some of the talk... she was caught stealing condoms last year. So at least she cares enough about her life to protect herself from STD's, that's a good sign, though I wish she'd wait longer. But I can't make her not have sex, wish I could. She also will still call me from time to time for girl talk. This may not be so comfortable for your son, but maybe if there is someone in his life that he trusts and respects, and who you KNOW will have a good talk with him and not just treat it like it's no big deal, maybe they can help you out with this. It may be easier (I don't know, I'm not a boy) for a boy to talk to a guy. Good luck. This is probably a great time to start that dialogue.
I just wanted to let you know after the posts yesterday that I went out and bought the book "What's happening to my body" for boys! My husband and I had a little talk with J last night. He was very receptive to the talk and was asking questions. We were happy about that. Thanks everyone!!! D