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My daughter's birthmom just wanted to see her and know she was o.k. My daughter just wanted info. They met and they both got what they needed. But they found they wanted more. It wasn't enough. My daughter's birthmom came and reclaimed her. She tells my daughter that she is a part of their family. She claims most of my daughters time. She tells her she lost her once and she will not lose her again.
Where does that leave me who gave my daughter my life? I gave my all. I bonded with her and loved her. Her birthmom wanted her daughter to be loved and gently cared for. I did that. There is very little time left for me. Anyone who knows my story knows my daughter moved in with her birthmom and abandoned her family. She is out of their house now and into her own. She is making more contact with us but her birthmom takes most of her time. Whenever my daughter has time her birthmom is making plans with her. I understand she has healing to do but just as she felt her family and social services came in and took her daughter from her, she came in and took my daughter from me. The feelings and emotions she felt the day her daughter was taken from her arms is the same feelings and emotions I feel now. I have worked through most of these emotions but I want to let others know what many adoptive moms feel but are afraid to speak it out. I want other adoptive moms know that they are not alone. They can come here for support and help to work out their emotions.
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Hi love4,I don't know your story, and I don't know how long this has been going on (sounds like awhile, since your daughter moved in with bmom for awhile, etc). I'm wondering if it's a honeymoon phase... I may be way off, since I don't know anything else about your situation, I guess I'm hoping that in time your daughter will be able to balance a full life including both of her families. She must be in a difficult position, too. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can hear the sadness in your post, wanted you to know I'm sending good thoughts your way.
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My daughter's birthmom introduced my daughter to her friend's son and they really like each other. My daugther is talking marriage. My daughter's birthmom now wants to help me and my daughter plan her wedding. She tells my daughter that she is a part of her family. Don't get me wrong, I like her birthmom very much. I enjoy visiting with her but little by little she is taking over. This just doesn't seem right to me. I know it is my daughter's decision in the long run and not sure how she will respond to all this. Here is another thing I must accept or there will be strife. She has come back into my daughter's life and little by little reclaiming her. I would like my daugther's birthmom to be at the wedding but does she have to sit next to me and share Mother of Bride?
love4,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am a birthmom, not in reunion,closed adoption. I can't imagine behaving in that manner. I want to find my daughter and have a relationship with her if that is what she wants, but not at the expense of her adoptive family's feelings. I don't even really consider them her adoptive family... they are her family. I admire your ability to try to find a place for all your emotions. I don't know that I would have that strength.
You said you like her birth mom, is it possible for you to go out alone with her for lunch and try to talk to her alone about your feelings? Maybe is she unaware? I am sure I am grasping at straws here, but maybe letting her know how you feel will cause her to back up a little bit and see what is really happening to you.
Don't know.. my thoughts will be with you. I hope you will not have to share the "mom row" at the wedding either. I know I wouldn't want to either.
:grouphug: HUGS TO YOU :grouphug:
Good Luck!
Jenn