Jealousy exists in most relationships!!!

Now? Not so much. While matching? Yes. Shortly after birth? Very much so. I'm sad that I don't get to be her Mommy, per se, but I've learned to leave jealousy out of the equation. It is not D's "fault" that I placed, therefore she does not deserve the green face of envy. While matching, I got very upset from time to time when they talked about things that they would do. And shortly after placement, it KILLED me that they got to be with her in the hospital and do the things that I wanted to be doing. (Our hospital was not so adoption friendly on the birthparent side.) If I get really honest, I probably am a bit jealous on Mother's Day and her birthday just because, even though they include me in festivities, I'll never be FULLY viewed as her Mom. And I think that sucks. I deal with it but I think it sucks. :) And again, even though I get a twinge now and again, I don't take it out on D. It's just simply not her fault.

to be brutally honest myself... I LOVE my daughters bmom and Grandma they are both so wonderful and when ever I see them I just want to give them this huge hug...to convey the words that could never truly express how I feel. But it KILLS me to see my daughter hugging and kissing them and wanting to be held by them and stuff.....it just KILLS me I try and give them this smile like "oh how sweet" but inside I just want to scream and run away with her. I have a serious problem with being able to SHARE her. I could write her "books" about what she is doing, share pictures and video.....but the in person stuff just tears my heart out. Mainly because of the way she came to be adopted by us...and the fact that..."this wierd thing we got going on" in the words of her bmom, just keeps throwing it in our face...that this (should have been) her child and will always be (her child).

Mom2GRLC,This sounds so difficult. I'm not able to recall the circumstances around your adoption. How long ago was the placement? Has the bmom had an opportunity to grieve or have counseling? It almost sounds like it's a newer situation. She is right in the sense that she'll always be this child's mother. She'll always be her birthmother. But this child will always have two moms. The other one being you, her amom. I don't think it's right she keeps throwing this in your face, it seems (from the outside) it comes from a place of insecurity. Maybe she's struggling with her self worth or her role. Would it be possible to discuss the way it makes you feel when she says this? I know the matters of the heart tend to be the hardest to discuss. I'm hoping it will be beneficial though if you can talk about it. I'm very sorry this is happening to you. Hang in there. Maybe in time it won't bother you anymore. And, maybe in time, she'll stop saying it. I hope you find peace in this situation.

When my son was born and first placed and for the first couple of months I was very jealous. I was also angry that I couldn't be the one parenting him and holding him, etc. The feelings of jealousy are gone, as are the feelings of anger, for the most part. We all have our bad days.

That certainly doesn't help matters does it? Sounds like she hasn't really given you her "blessing" to be dd's mom...I'm so sorry.

[QUOTE=FH-I'll never be FULLY viewed as her Mom. And I think that sucks. I deal with it but I think it sucks. :) QUOTE] You know, in my experience as an amom it goes both ways. We feel the same way you do. Yes we love the child as our own but we are not the ones who gave them life, flet them growing in our womb and gave birth to them. So we also feel the same way on birthdays or mothers days or ALL THE TIME. We will never be the ONLY mother and sometimes it's hard to internalize that. We will never be viewed as "FULLY her MOM" either. In some ways....it feels like others think of us as less of a mom....because we didn't create that child. When ever anyone knows that our children are adopted the first thing they say is "what happened to their REAL Mom? UHHHGGG!! If people only knew how much that cut us so deep.

((((mom)))))) It makes me so sad that you feel the way you do, YOU are a Mommy, let no one take that away from you. Albeit not the only Mother, you ae his Mommy....kinda reminds me of a something I gave my step dad... Anyone can be a Father It takes someone special to be a Daddy Not saying that bparents arent special because I am a bmom (and I think I am pretty special LOL ) but just wanted to lend a little support to you.

As an adoptive mom I don't feel angry or jealous but some days I am so over come by guilt that I break down and cry. I used to think it would go away but it's been almost two years and it still happens. Not often, just when I am over come with joy at this beautiful little person. Sometimes she will look at me in a cute or sweet way or say or do something and I will just break down. Maybe because we have two bio children I feel like I understand what E is missing and how she must feel. She has not gotten her life stright and I worry about her every second of every day and wonder if she is not in contact on a regular basis because it hurts too much or because she doesn't realize what she is missing. Does this make sense? :( She has never ask about Castle when she calls but I always fill her in. We send lots of pictures and updates with little gifts for her and I always have to ask if she got them. Her grandmother and extended family keep in contact on holidays with cards and gifts but she has only sent two cards herself. I am fixing to send her a disposible camera so she can make some pictures of herself and her family and send it back to me. She knows I am sending it so hopefully she will use it!

Thank you for your support. I appreciate it!!!! To go into all the details would just be too long. But I do believe those feelings are mainly just centered around my daughter R and the rough relationship we've tried to build with her birthfamily. My first two adoption were relatively closed where we never met the birthparents. Having been so involved with R's case and to witness all the pain and anger, sadness and denial has just been sooooooo difficult. I still feel the resentment... anger....denial...sadness that come from her bmom and it's been a year and a half since she signed the voluntary relinquishment papers(only because she had to). I want this positive relationship with her....but it has been such a hard road just to get to the point we are at now. Which is still far from ideal. for example.... when she was down for christmas we had several visits....she never has ideas of what she wants to do...so finally I have to offer ideas and usually she will agree. Well, we'd go do something to try and have fun together and share with her..some special things in R's life and I asked her if she had fun her responce was "It was ok for what it was". UUURGGG!!! How do you think that made me feel??? I know this relationship isn't about me....but come on....she knows I'm having a difficult time keeping it open(with everything that has gone on) why would she continue to say stuff like that....why can't she just be happy....for the things that I do to try and keep this open for her. She says she wants it open but I'm really starting to think....what she wants and what she and I can handle are to different things!!!