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At the age of 16 I had a lovely baby girl that I felt I could not keep and kept it a secret until I gave birth and gave her up for adoption. I have since married and have a great husband and children. Adopted mother contacted me when BD was 13 we all met it was good at first then AM now single after many marriages :( started to unlike the relationship we had so slowly she cut off contact and moved her out of state and cut off contact. Years passed and BD has also not heard from her too much. Anyhow she is an adult now last year she found me on FB and has also called me a few times and we text or send FB messages. She is now getting married and has invited our family... OF course we are going because we are thrilled she has reached out again as an adult. MY fear last night was how the AM will be on this day and if she creates any drama with my kids there it would be awful. Its tough I dont know where I stand I tread very lightly so not to smother her but I just want to hug her and say I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and this has been harder having some access to her but not much. Anyhow the wedding part we were mailed an invite to the reception portion as the wedding itself is at a mormon church which not everyone can see. And Im sure the AM is making sure I dont go to the ring ceremony and Im ok with that because Im just happy to see her in any capacity. But my DH thinks I should just go out on a limb and tell her how much I love her and how I hope we can have a closer relationship but it scares me to think she might say NO I just want us at arms length :( Any advice moving forward from any angle BM, Adoptee, AM etc would be very helpful
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I'm an adoptee.I'm glad your daughter invited you to her wedding. It must be thrilling for the b-family to get the invite. Enjoy the day! Just be in that moment with her. So few b-mothers get the opportunity to attend their daughters' weddings. I'm really excited for you.Don't worry about what may or may not occur with a-mom. You have no control over what she does. You only have control over your reactions. Just remember that the day belongs to your daughter, and you'll be okay.I think it is okay to tell her you love her. I don't think I would plan to tell her that you want a closer relationship with her on her wedding day. That's too much for her to take in on that day. It's her day, and it's her party. The more serious discussions about developing a closer relationship can be saved for another day.
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I'm an adoptee.
I'm glad your daughter invited you to her wedding. It must be thrilling for the b-family to get the invite.
Enjoy the day! Just be in that moment with her. So few b-mothers get the opportunity to attend their daughters' weddings. I'm really excited for you.
Don't worry about what may or may not occur with a-mom. You have no control over what she does. You only have control over your reactions. Just remember that the day belongs to your daughter, and you'll be okay.
I think it is okay to tell her you love her. I don't think I would plan to tell her that you want a closer relationship with her on her wedding day. That's too much for her to take in on that day. It's her day, and it's her party. The more serious discussions about developing a closer relationship can be saved for another day.
I'm an adoptee newly in reunion my bfamily, I think it is wonderful that you have been invited to your daughter's wedding. I'm sure she wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you there.Take the day as it comes, you are there for your daughter and that's all that matters.It would be perfectly fine to tell her that you love her, tell her you have always loved her, I actually found that very comforting when my bmother told me that. I understand that all you want to do is hug her but I would take her lead on that, it can be very overwhelming for an adoptee in reunion. I would suggest as L4R has that save the discussions about how you would like your relationship with her to go for another time.It's wonderful news for you, your family and your daughter, enjoy celebrating her wedding together.
I'm an adoptee newly in reunion my bfamily, I think it is wonderful that you have been invited to your daughter's wedding. I'm sure she wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you there.
Take the day as it comes, you are there for your daughter and that's all that matters.
It would be perfectly fine to tell her that you love her, tell her you have always loved her, I actually found that very comforting when my bmother told me that. I understand that all you want to do is hug her but I would take her lead on that, it can be very overwhelming for an adoptee in reunion. I would suggest as L4R has that save the discussions about how you would like your relationship with her to go for another time.
It's wonderful news for you, your family and your daughter, enjoy celebrating her wedding together.
As a birth mom in reunion, I would agree with the previous posters that this in NOT the time to talk about what you want for the future. The fact that she has chosen to invite you to the wedding (with your whole family) indicates to me that she definitely wants you in her life and part of her special day. Go and enjoy. A hug and "I love you and I'm so happy for you" are definitely appropriate. As L4R said... don't worry about her amom. If she wants to make a scene just walk away. I don't know who is paying for the wedding, but I would assume her amom knows who is on the invitation list so she won't be blindsided. Go and enjoy! (I didn't have a reunion with my bson until 3 months after his marriage, but he asked me to officiate at a renewal of his wedding vows on his 6th wedding anniversary which was a special day for all of us.)
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Amazingly enough it was perfect I was able to wait with others outside the temple and take photos she also invited me to the ring ceremony before the reception so we were a part of it all. Me and the BD took photos with just the 3 of us it was my husbands idea he thought it would be good for her to have. It was her day for sure my husband reminded me that she is more loved than most people ever get she has our love, her BD families love, her Amom and Adad were there with their families it was beautiful. Her new husbands family kept coming up to us and asking if I was her mom and if my girls were her sisters which was very cool. Only one weird moment when we were leaving I went to say goodbye to her Adad he has always been very nice and Amom tried to step in to say something and I just turned away slightly as if to say no comment needed and I am sure she got the picture. Adad girlfriend was a nice lady and everyone there was super nice. Our girl looked amazing and I am so blessed to have been a part of it all!!
Amazingly enough it was perfect I was able to wait with others outside the temple and take photos she also invited me to the ring ceremony before the reception so we were a part of it all. Me and the BD took photos with just the 3 of us it was my husbands idea he thought it would be good for her to have.
It was her day for sure my husband reminded me that she is more loved than most people ever get she has our love, her BD families love, her Amom and Adad were there with their families it was beautiful. Her new husbands family kept coming up to us and asking if I was her mom and if my girls were her sisters which was very cool. Only one weird moment when we were leaving I went to say goodbye to her Adad he has always been very nice and Amom tried to step in to say something and I just turned away slightly as if to say no comment needed and I am sure she got the picture. Adad girlfriend was a nice lady and everyone there was super nice. Our girl looked amazing and I am so blessed to have been a part of it all!!