Need some advice...(x-posted)

I did daycare for years and years (in baby trying years), and when we were able to Adopt thru foster my son he was age 4, we said, he came first. I stopped daycare. A few months after adoption, one of the parents called frantic needing a daycare for 2 weeks (her day care was on vacation). I agreed. It was HELL! My son was angry and sullen for the whole 1st week,(he had never been like this prior) I explained I could not do any more. When I did daycare prior, I had no children, the daycare kids got my FULL attention. I was now a mom, and my son came first. That is the first reason. Second reason, I would tell them, how honored, but it would just be impossible, is you will grow to be irratated at them. You are the beck and call of her boss. When they do things you don't agree with regarding the baby, you will become bitter. As you are right, you will feel this is your child. I have seen this over and over. Finacial dealings between family is a hard thing. If you do it for free, you will eventually feel takin advantage of. my advice from a total stranger who has been there, be kind and tell them upfront, it is just too much for you to take on, perhaps give them some names or recommendations for daycare.

My first thought is that your DH doesn't want you to do the babysitting. And you have to live with him! :) Unless you need the money, I would say no. And if you do need the money, charge the going rate for the job. Remember, your hubby isn't liking the idea, and that will sooner or later cause tension in your happy home... Also, it is tough to work for family - issues will undoubetly arise that you or they will feel uncomfortanle addressing for fear of hurting one another's feelings, and if it goes unchecked for too long it can explode all at once, damaging the relationship. Plus the hours they will need you are LONG, and it will take away from your time with Daria. And your time from the house and the things your hubby feels are important. It will rock their little world, and make for a couple of grumpy people you have to live with. You have the perfect way out - your DH doesn't want you to take your time & attention away from Daria just yet.

My sister did daycare for me for the first year of my daughter coming home. It worked well. We had an agreement to provide notice if it wasn't working. I provided the food for my daughter and spending money, for snacks at the mall etc. For pricing - I called the local daycare centers and priced them. I then paid my sister a comparable rate. I maybe save $20 a month. It was hard on me to get home exactly on time - I have a long commute and busy job. But, I worked hard on not infringing on her time off. After 1 year we moved to 2 days a week and finally she went to daycare full time. It is less stressful for me in many ways now that she is in daycare. I have a bigger pick up window. I will say, that I credit my sister with so much of how well my daughter adjusted. Determine vacation rules, sick day rules - you have to make a business like decision. It is a job, not an aunt's duty to provide daycare. I paid her if I was on vacation and didn't bring my daughter, if she cancelled on me, I didn't pay. That's what worked for us. Those details are key for a successful relationship.

I've contemplated babysitting, but for insurance reasons if anything happend, things could really turn for the worse. It may seem like he's your own, but he's not. If you are trying to conceive, when you do get preg, will you be able to physically handle another kid? You may get tired and short . .Also, from my own experience it may be a way to have problems with your family. So far, it doesn't sound like your brother's too responsible and you are "bailing" him out. Do they think they'd get a "deal" because you are family and already home? Where's her family? Are they supporting her? Is it a healthy situation? If you think you want to do it, I'd call your State and inquire re: what the requirements are for sitters (even if you are doing it under the table) . So that you know some "legal" things that you "could" be up against. Also, I'd call some daycare centers, ask for brochures and their rates. Personally, I wouldn't do it, but that's your decision. My own kids are enough and sometimes you may want to do something or the other child may get sick and then your family gets sick or you may not be able to do what you want that is age appropriate for your child because of the other one. If you get preg then you'll have two infants - he'll probably have to find other daycare then. Why put the child through another change. Trust your husband's instincts. Just my opinion. Good luck!

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