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I am rereading this book, as I read it the first time several years ago. To those of you who have older children: what have been the most difficult things for them to process, which resulted in questions you may not have expected? What have been the most difficult questions they asked you? For those of you who have adopted internationally and have explained to your children that their first parents were unable to care for them or chose something different for them, have they had times of worrying, intense concern for their first families that resulted in questions? To those of you who have adopted domestically and share information about siblings, who live with first parents or another adoptive family, what questions have your children had?
For those whose children were placed through foster care or even those placed as infants, whose first families had difficult situations, how have you shared that information and how has your child processed it? Do your children seem to have different concerns or questions from one another?
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I'm adopted and my parents told me when I an infant. (domestic) It was just natural. AFter a while, of course, they don't keep bringing it up. My mother always told me "your mother was very young and wanted you to have a better life" (non id said that also) Birthmothers may challenge that point, but that's another story. I always asked how old was I, did they ever meet the foster parents or the birthmother. (answer is no) How did they "get" me. (the story behind it)
Hope that helps - if you have any specific questions, feel free to drop me an e-mail.
Good Luck
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My daughter was an infant when we adopted her. She asked a few questions when she was younger about siblings. I did know that she had a 1/2 brother. I did tell my daughter that her bmom loved her very much. I explained that the bmom was young and could not take care of her. After my daughter was older and she asked me about siblings, I did tell her she had a brother about 2 years younger. She did not want to know anything else about the bfamily until she was 17. My daughter wanted to find her b1/2 siblings at 17. We did find them and they did live with the bmom. She wanted to meet them and she did. She has not asked any questions about why the bmom kept the two younger children. My daughter realizes that the bmom was married when she did have the other siblings. The bmom was young and not married when she had our daughter. I have wondered if my daughter feels jealous or resentful. She has not voiced this to me.
I have answered the questions below after the quote.
redhedded
I am rereading this book, as I read it the first time several years ago. To those of you who have older children: what have been the most difficult things for them to process, which resulted in questions you may not have expected? My daughter asked to find her biological family when she was 17. I did not expect her to ask me that at her age. What have been the most difficult questions they asked you? Can you leave me alone with my bmom when we travel to meet her. For those of you who have adopted internationally and have explained to your children that their first parents were unable to care for them or chose something different for them, have they had times of worrying, intense concern for their first families that resulted in questions? To those of you who have adopted domestically and share information about siblings, who live with first parents or another adoptive family, what questions have your children had? My daughter wanted to know if I knew if she had any siblings. I did know that the bmom had a little boy two years after our daughter's birth. We later learned that the bmom also had a little girl three years after our daughter was born.She asked me why I didn't have more children so she could have siblings. For those whose children were placed through foster care or even those placed as infants, whose first families had difficult situations, how have you shared that information and how has your child processed it? My daughter was placed with us when she was an infant. Her bmom was very young and attending college. She did not tell her family she was pregnant. I did explain this to our daughter when she asked about her bmom. We did learn that this was true. The bgrandparents were shocked when they met our daughter. They were hurt that their daughter did not tell them. My daughter processed this information ok. She does sometimes talk about that it hurts and that she feels that she was not wanted. I reassure her she was wanted by everyone and thank God she is our daughter and she also has a great relationship with the bfamily. My daughter does not share alot of information with me at this point in her life. She is 18 now and will be leaving for college soon. She keeps her bfamily separate and chooses not to share her feelings. Do your children seem to have different concerns or questions from one another?