BF "says" he wants baby

Keep in mind that your baby will have questions if he or she is adopted as well and finds out you have another child. Why did you keep one with you and not he or she? Tons of families are comprised of children having different fathers. The choice is yours whether or not you let your child have a relationship with their father. How do you feel about the baby inside you right now? Do you WANT to be able to take care of it or do you just feel someone else could do a better job? Will you be able to love the baby? Yes babies need material things, but love is the most important. You don't have to make a decision right now. You can decide to place after the birth. Or you can decide you love the baby so much that you can't ever let it go and you can figure out how to make it work. I wish you the best. Good luck!

I hope it's OK to jump in. (I posted this over on what I guess was your original posting, but I'll do it here, too) From what you've described, the father sounds abusive. He might never have laid a hand on you, but to call you hateful names and to THREATEN TO TAKE AWAY YOUR DAUGHTER (!!!!) is not OK!!Sorry to "shout" at you, but I have been there and I can tell you - it doesn't get better from here. I know every situation and every person is different, but he sounds abusive to me and if I were to give you advice it would be to 1. definitely seek counseling. Either call up a domestic violence hotline or a women's shelter and ask to speak with someone and they can help or at least point you in a good direction.I am a bmom. I placed two children for adoption when they were born. It was over 14 years ago, but I still deal with the feelings of being involved in an abusive realtionship with the bfather of my children.... how I wish I'd gotten out of that unhealthy (and violent)relationship sooner.I know that one reason I turned to adoption was that although I desperately wanted to parent my child (and I wanted an involved father) I knew it would not be good or healthy - for any of us - to try it with the bfather.I wanted my child to live in a stable, 2 parent home. That's just what I wanted, I was 19 and in college and wanted what I felt was best - I don't want to come off like I'm "bashing" single parents. You are already parenting your 3 year old and I bet you are doing a good job!You are already a mother to your unborn baby and should you consider adoption seriously, I also suggest counseling (if you an find unbiased, i.e. not from an adoption agency, go for that).I guess I just want to say that if this man is jealous of your daughter, that's a red flag. If he threatens you, another red flag. If he gets drunk and verbally trashes you, there's another red flag. Don't let him - or anyone - intimidate you!!! Abuse often gets worse during pregnancy, for a whole variety of reasons, so please take care. While he has parental rights also, I will stick my nose out on this and say that IMHO, you are the mommy, you are carrying this child and that carries more weight (with me) than sperm. I know that is very one-sided and I know that fathers must sign off on adoptions or else they won't hold up legally, but my feelings have always been that as mother you hold most of the cards. (Truthfully, if you chose to get an abortion, you wouldn't need his say-so. I know adoption is a different thing altogether, but if he is threatening and intimidating and stonewalling you and you are only THINKING about adoption.....?)What does he want? Will he speak to a couselor either with or without you? That willingness or lack thereof tells you a lot. I feel so passionately about this because when I was pregnant and involved with a man who threatened me and called me names and hurt me I didn't reach out for the help that is out there (Hooray for you, you are asking for help!)and I bet it would have been better for me (and as a result, my unborn children) had I sought counseling/support/shelter - something!I'm not regretful that I chose adoption. I can honestly say that I regret getting pregnant in the situation that I was in. It wasn't just bad timing or being young or not enough money, well, it was all those things but I think babies need a lot less than the magazines tell you. I think they really need loving, got their heads on parents.My realtionship wasn't very loving and I had my head up my a@@ when I look back at how messed up my thinking was. But this is about you - not me (sorry!!) I have a semi-open adoption with the family (both of my bkids, full siblings, are adopted together) and I have contact and they are doing great. I am proud of them and proud that I birthed them and chose what I felt was best for them (even though I wsih I never had to make those choices)I pray you find support and love to make the best choices you can for you, your daughter and your unborn child.(as for talking with your 3 year old about the baby.... you are smart not to involve her in the day to day of your thoughts and all you are going through. She is too little to "get it" - or need it. She will not, however, just forget, so whatever you decide, please let her know about the decision, whether it is parenting or placing.Answer her aquestions on her level, just like you do about anything else she asks about. If you go over to the Birthparents forums there are lots of women who placed a child for adoption when they had other children and I'm sure they can be of assistance - should you need it)Whatever you choose, just remember that you are a good mother, a good person and you are doing the best you can!Peace,GigiA Bmom to 2

[url="http://alcoholism.about.com/od/abuse/a/blquiz3.htm"]http://alcoholism.about.com/od/abuse/a/blquiz3.htm[/url] This is a 20 question "test" for whether or not your relationship is abusive. I found it as a link from an Al Anonsite. I don't think it is scientific in that it gives a % answer and then tells how likely you are to be in an abusive relationship, but for me, anyhow, just reading and answering the questions was enlightening.It's often really easy and tempting to dismiss unacceptable behavior (he's tired/he's drunk/he's scared/he's angry)blah blah blah.Well, if he does the things on this list, then he's got a problem - and it ain't you!!!Best wishes, GiGi