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Please don't blast me for this because it is not like I do not WANT to. Our b-mom is currently...well, I have no idea where she is. Despite the open agreement, she has not seen or been heard from since August last year. We have been honoring our agreement with b-grandma and I even gave her the 2 gifts I made for b-mom that I had been saving for her "goodbye visit". We still have not had one of those with bmom. The thing is, and I feel it with every visit we have had and every e-mail I receive from grandma...when she runs away from her foster homes...she goes to her mother's (the bio grnadma). When we had the first visit with gma she brought some things and said they were from her AND b-mom. When the CW was talking to DH, she whispered something about contact she had had with b-mom "calls me every day but from a phone that has blocked ID". Anyway, I kind of think that the reason for the agreement was so that gma could still have contact because she has willingly stepped into that role. I think she is perfectly content with the idea that her mother has assumed the role and relieved her of having to deal with us. (BTW...she is only 14) Gma HAS the gifts I spent SO much time making for b-mom...because "she wouldn't care about them and would end up leaving behind at the next house she runs away from." I am SO torn here. I could send a card to gma, but it is just starting to feel weird there. She has started (and I know I have posted this before so forgive me for repeating) refering to DH as "daddy", b-mom as "mommie", and me as Angie...TO our son. It is insulting and we are trying to reiterate to her that although her daughter will always be his natural mother, I am his mommy. She is not being very accepting of this. I could also do what I am doing for Bug...we have no agreement with his mother and I would not even know where to begin to find her. "He" is going to make her a card...just like last year...and we will put it in the box with the one from last year so that if and when the day comes that he sees her again, he will have a whole box of Mother's Day cards for her. I think that it will teach him to appreciate the woman who gave him life, and then if/when he sees her again she will know that she was never just forgotten. I am leaning more toward that idea with Bear...any thoughts?
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Wondering if I should send something to b-gma in hopes that she gives it to bmom and not take it for herself...since she has assumed the "mother" role. I mean it really isn't meant for her...she was against him being adopted in the first place and only accepted it when she realized it was NOT her choice. I feel in my heart that she has taken b-mom's other gifts as her own and I worry that if I do something for b-mom and send it to her...which is the only contact we have...that b-mom will never get them.
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Great idea Jenna! :clap:
Everything we send to bmom goes to bgma's house. I always send K's bmom pictures in a big envelope with the letter to his bmom in a seperate sealed card. So when bg'ma opens it she can see the pictures but (hopefully) bmom will be the 1st to read the update letter. Not that I want to keep any info from bg'ma- I just want bmom to have it first.
Part of his file...(poor b-mom has NOT had it easy and has been in and out of foster care and bounced from her mother and her own adopted father her whole life)...anyway, it documents how gma has destroyed bmom's personal belongings when she is mad at her. (both gma and bmom are bi-polar) Because she HAS had such a tough time and I want her to know that we DO treasure her and Bear. I want her to know that despite everything she IS a special person...GRRR the bgma! Maybe I can see if I can contact her CW and see if the next time she surfaces she will pass it on to wherever she is placed next. I just hate the fact that I can't just give it to her or mail it directly TO her. That is why I thought I might just have "Bear" make a card...maybe with his hand print or something, date it (because I think it is important to raise my boys to recognize their birth parents on these days even if they never meet them), and save it for the day we DO get to see her again.
Wow. What a sticky situation. If bgma is not really respectful of her daughter's things, then maybe holding onto it in a special box at your house is a good idea. This way you know it's not getting lost in the shuffle, destroyed in a rage or held as a pawn in anyway.
You can always send on a little something (just to make the overature, although that's probably going above and beyond), but hold back the real "gift" until you or the CW can deliver it in person.
I would be respectful and send bgrmom a nice card (if you feel it's appropriate) and keep bmom's card/gift in the special box at your home. Perhaps one day when she's older and has settled down your son may have an opportunity to meet and speak with her and give her this box full of treasures. I'm sure it would mean so much to her when she is mentally capable of understanding the wonderful gesture you and your child have shown. If bgrmom asks why you didn't send bmom anything you can simply tell her where it is and your intentions for the future.
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