please help adoptees and birthmothers!!!

I don't think it would scare your bmother aware in fact If my son sent me one it would make my day but he wont ;) . Pip

Ditto Pip, would be wow

I'm a reunited adoptee... with bmom, bsibs and extended bfamily...........I'd send one.......if you have a close relationship you could choose one that has that level of sentiment.........but just one that says.. Happy Mother's Day would be good.... you can sent that to anybody who is a mother.........sal

Wow! what a lovely thought. I am a bmom and I can tell you that if the child I lost to adoption ever sent me a Mother's Day card I would have a mega Kleenex moment - it would mean THE WORLD to me because you had acknowledged me as your mother (yes, I know you have a "parent mother", but that other woman is also your mother and probably has motherly feelings towards you too). That would finally validate my existance. YOU, my lost child, would validate my existance. That is SO important to a bmom who often has to sit in the shadows. You do whatever is in your heart. Unless something very strange is up with your bmom, I have a feeling that she will REALLY be thrilled. I think that is one of the most wonderful things I have ever seen posted here. You are very thoughtful and kind to want to validate your bmom in this way. BTW - you fear rejection? I can assure you that your bmom probably fears exactly the same thing as you! Great idea, know how much I'd love it. Did you do it?

BRIDGET! I just read your post today --- too late for Mother's Day! I'm a birthmom in reunion with my daughter for 20 years now and THIS Mother's Day was the FIRST that I didn't receive a card and Flowers. I know my daughter is busy -- my yougest Granddaughter is preparing to graduate and just chose the College she's going to after visiting a long list of acceptances with her mom; my daughter and son in law are making a big move next year and have their house being shown for sale: my daughter is currently busy apartment hunting in London and here (USA); my s-i-l just published his first novel last September, my oldest Granddaughter is entering her sophomore year in college ---and I had to have a private crying spell because I didn't get a CARD. Oh, Mea Culpa! THAT, dear Bridget, is how IMPORTANT recognition of Birthmothers on Mother's Day is to most of us! (Of course I got an e-mail shortly after the crying jag, explaining that granddaughter just picked her up at the airport Mom's Day Morning. She was returning from an unexpected trip to London to look at a flat and didn't get a chance to shop for a card or order flowers! So my Mother's Day turned out great. Besides that, Flowers came on Wednesday and they'll last till next Wednesday 5/24) which is my 72nd birthday. SO BRIDGET! If you didn't send that card. Find a beautiful card and write a beautiful note on it, telling her how you struggled over whether it would be acceptable to send her a card to her at this point. Tell her much love comes with it, and you care deeply for her. Okay???? God bless your reunion, Hang on to the rollercoaster, things get a LITTLE easier as time goes on. Hugs, Carol Bird :clap: :clap:

Dear everyone who replied. i just wanted to say thankyou to each and every one of you, as you did help in my decision. i did send her the mothers day card and a few pictures inside. i tried my best to find an appropriate card for her and ended up with a card that said something along the lines of ' wishing you everything special you deserve on mothers day. ' inside i wrote her a short note telling her that i sense it really isnt a good time for me in her life, and that i will always be here and welcome her with open arms. and how nothing will ever change the fact that i was hers. and she is just as special to me. etcetc. i told a few friends and they thought it was a bad idea that i had sent it, making me regret that i did. but now i figure, i sent her a mothers day card. it was not a lovely thankyou for being there, i love you, type of card. i basically put everything in her hands, telling her i'm letting go until she is ready. i doubt these are words that will be easy for her, but putting them in a special mothers day card, kind of brings them in a little lighter way. so i dont regret it. and i hope i get to hear from her for my birthday in june! thank you everyone, and i loved hearing all your stories and opinions i hope all of you had a happy mothers day! Bridget

as a birth mother YES, but but BUT, I EXPECT the child to consider her adopted mother AS HER MOTHER and can only pray the child does. ( as mine does).

My daughter (YES, MY DAUGHTER) loved her parents very much. They were wonderful, giving, loving people. But, THEY RAISED HER TO LOVE AND RESPECT ME, HER FIRST MOTHER, too. They raised her to understand my dilemma in the situation I was in and to make the VERY difficult decision to relinquish her to adoption. MY daughter's Mom was the one who discovered a way to find me when our daughter had her first born baby girl. For 32 years my daughter's Mom saved the crocheted baby shawl I put on MY daughter when she was delivered to her new Mom. She gave it to my daughter when our first grandchild was born. MY daughter's Mom was the first to call to welcome me into the family when we reunited the December before My daughter's 33rd birthday. She told me how happy she was that I was a part of the family. She told me of how often throughout my daughter's life she wanted to share the highlights with me and that she frequently thought about me through the years. My daughter's Mom was warm and caring TO ME until the day she died almost four years ago. I loved and admired my daughter's parents, and will always honor their memory. I doubt that I could feel that way about them if they had turned my child against me or tried to erase the ties that bind us. I am my daughter's first Mother and I sacrificed a great deal so that she would be raised by a caring, loving couple. Her MOM knew that and blessed me for it. So, please, understand that the genetic ties your child has to her/his first mother are GOD GIVEN. She has a right to know her first mother and to show love for her. That doesn't take away ANY love your child has for YOU. In many ways, it strengthens that love. By the way ... I have ALWAYS been Grandma to my granddaughters, just as my daughter's Mom was Grandma. We shared, because we both are proud of our daughter and love her dearly. The last thing in the world either of us wanted was to erect barriers of "ownership". We may have relinquished, but the LOVE we had for our child will forever be a part of that child. My daughter looks like ME. She has my talents and her birthfather's calm temperment. She is a PART of ME. Carol Bird

Beautifully stated Carol.....I agree wholeheartedly. When I first met Ashley, she asked me what she should call me. I told her Jill, that she already had a mom. Her response, "I have two moms." Her love for me does not diminish her love for her mother. Our relationship does not have a negative impact on their relationship. Like you, I am blessed with a woman who has always valued my role in Ashley's life. Sending a Mother's Day card to your bmom in no way takes away from your adoptive mom. I'm glad you sent the card. While she might be in a difficult place right now, I am sure your validating her role in your life was heart warming. I know I LOVED the card I received. I will cherish it forever!