Bioligical Children Vs. Adopted Children

I'm so sorry that you are hurting as much as you are and are not able to get the support you need from your birthmom :(

I think if she truly had a conscience she would open up to me, and let the ADOPTED kids and her father, husband and rest of family know who SHE REALLY WAS AND IS.

Dear Amy, if this is the legacy of how you are being treated by your bmother my question to you is this: Why do you want someone like that in your life? Perhaps you're not 'seeing the forest for the trees'.We, as many can and will acknowledge the injustice of this, we cannot know what motivates your bmother. Because it is 'about ' her! While the effects of her response or lack there of, directly impact you, they do not and can not define you. You are so much more than what your bmother is willing to offer. My suggestion is to get some good therapy on trying to move past this and come to a place of acceptance and peace. Don't let this continue to have power over you. You're in my thoughts, darlin'.Many Hugs,:grouphug: Rose

First of all Amy, I find your attitude extremely offensive. You continually attack the relationship between adoptive parents and their children, when there is no difference. A parent can love their child whole-heartedly even if it is not blood-related. Your birthmom decided long ago that she was not prepared to be a parent to you. Clearly she is not interested in openning that door right now. You have EVERY right to search, but there is nothing you can do to force her to have a relationship with you. In my opinion you need to stop comparing how she feels toward her children that she is raising to you. Would you feel better if she was a neglectful parent? I am sorry that you are hitting a wall here, but really, quit attacking adoptive families.

Leigh, I'd feel better if she had never adopted and had kids of her own and put on a front of SOMEONE who she's NOT, at this point!

Your grammar is confusing here? Is it just the adoption that bothers you or children in general? Because as it is currently worded, you don't want her to have done either.

Daughter/Son: I'm sorry for the way things turned out all those years ago, and why we had to be separated from each other. If you went through any type of emotional, physical, sexual, or other pain because of this, it was not my wishes. I wanted the best for you, I really did. You want to have contact? Sure!!!! It's THE LEAST I CAN DO FOR YOU, after all these years. You want to know your background? Your family? Sure! I have pictures, and videos, etc. You want to meet? Of course! I'll do anything for us to meet. (If the birthchild was a secret--like me) You know, I'm not ready for anyone to know what happened back then, but I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO YOU, for us to meet. Let's start planning something, okay? For now, we can write, or email, privately. You have to respect that for me right now, but I AM HERE, TO TALK, TO LISTEN, I'm here as much as you need me to be. (If the birthchild is not a secret) You have cousins and aunts and uncles,etc. who you can meet. Oh,. you look like -----------. I do have children. (Adopted/biological) but, YOU and I are connected now, and I won't leave you again, you are my child, and if you need me, I'M HERE NOW!!!! We can start slow, but I'M HERE CHILD. I'm here. That is what I would like to hear from MY BIRTH MOTHER!

If I am understanding you, Amy, you are angry with her as an adopted mom because she seems to be doing everything for her adopted child, as if she is some remarkable mother, putting on a cover you think, because while she is doing all of the right things there, by ooutward appearances, she is seeming to ignore you..which from what you wrote does sound like a contradiction..what she did vs who she wants the world to think she is now. I didn't get the feeling that you were slamming adopted parents, just that you are trying to figure out how your b-mom could adopt and help that child find his or her roots and yet ignore you. I think I'd feel pissy, too..it doesn't make sense. It does sound like you are feeling very hurt by her actions, and why not? Maybe she can't face her past behaviors..sometimes we have to go it alone, we can really only help ourselves and it doesn't sound like she is willing or able to help you with what you are lookung for. Hopefully she will in time. I am sorry that you are feeling such pain...it's not a great place to be..but it's a starting point for going forward...My best to you, Amy.

I obviously don't know the circumstances of why your bmother chose to place you for adoption. However, it may have been an extremely painful event for her, and she may not yet be in a place emotionally to face it right now. That doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care about you though. I am very sorry that you had an unfortunate experience as an adopted child -- no one should be abused by anyone -- adopted or not. But during the time in which you were placed for adoption, birthparents and adoptive parents rarely knew each other, met each other, or even got to chose each other, so it is extremely possible that your birthmother had no idea you were placed into an adoptive home that would turn out to be abusive. Many women were also forced into placing their babies for adoption because of societal norms back then. But until you know her reasons for placing you, you really have no basis to judge her as you are. You are obviously dealing with alot of emotions right now, including anger. I would highly encourage you to seek counseling from a professional who can help you work through your emotions and come to terms with your life situation. Remember, you cannot change the way others feel and act, you can only change your own. Best wishes

Amy, I have just discovered that the woman who adopted my child had a baby out of wedlock who was adopted. She never told her husband, she never told the children she had after that. I have my own, private views on women who do that. However, I will not judge them on a public forum. In mitigation, if your bmom is 60+, she belongs to a generation from whom "respectability" was paramount. To even admit what they did is too awful for them. They need to stay respectable in order to survive - even if that makes them a hypocrite. In my good days I feel sorry for women like your bmom and the woman who adopted my son. In my bad days I feel just the same way you do - angry! It is hard for us to understand another person when we have not walked in their shoes. And neither you nor I know how these women really feel and whether we are justified in feeling angry towards them. I am very sorry your bmom has been so difficult. I know that if it were my child who wanted to know me and to know the family, I would not deny them what they need.