What are "rights" in search/reunion? (ATT: Killmark)

For the sake of confusion, this is a continuation of a discussion that started on another thread. Out of respect for the OP (whose thread was getting hijacked), I thought it was truly worth moving to a new space, especially since the dialogue was raising some valid issues. I'm hoping we can get some good feedback from all sides of the triad.

If anyone wants the background on the discussion here's the link: How Would You React? - Communication Between Birth Parents and Adoptees - Family Forums Killmark ~ How do you think that my story is "incomplete?" Please elaborate, as I have no clue what you are talking about. I totally disagree. If this were true, why would the records be sealed? Why would the original birth certificate be amended and the name of the bparents removed? ************ I made the decision to relinquish. It is my choice how I choose to react to the emotions surrounding that decision. If my bdaughter decided to vilify me, that would be her choice. Not to sound cold, but what another chooses to entertain in their own noggin is owned by them...I can either accept it or not. KWIM? ************ That's a non-issue...I can. Bdaughter has all of my info. If she chose to bypass me and go to my mother (or any her family member), that would make me uncomfortable. We are a close family. She would be accepted and welcomed by any/all of them, but they would most likely question her protocol. ************ What would you consider "reasonable perimeters" in a contact situation? ************ Very much agree. That's why I am a firm believer in stating what it is I can/can't accept in a relationship...any relationship. We are all unique in our wants/needs/beliefs. To assume that others know what we desire, or that we know what they desire...without being clear...is a disappointment waiting to happen. This is purely speculation on my part, but I get the impression from reading your posts that you might think bparents are required to meet a markedly higher standard in reunion than the person who was adopted...like we do not deserve the same respect. I don't buy into that theory at all. There are both bparents and adoptees that do not choose to have contact. This is where I think some people get confused on what "rights" are. It is just my own opinion, but I don't feel that a bparent has any right to try and force the adult adoptee to have contact that is no welcomed...not ever. Legally, there is nothing saying that the biological family owes anything to the adoptee, either. Morally, I think at the very least they should provide a medical history, but under the law, it is not required. In either case, rejection hurts. It bites! But does that hurt give us the right to push ourselves into a place where we strike back in anger? Any thoughts? ~Deb