Here we go again! Any Suggestions?

Send her a card with your contact information on it, and then leave it. She may not be ready. If you remember when we were 20, the world was a different place and our priorities were very skewed. She may decide to meet you, she may not. But she needs time to digest this all, and five weeks is not really a long time. It may take alot longer.

I would write her the letter and also her adoptive parents. They may not know of the letter or they may have intersepted it?? You never know? I would just gently tell them about yourself and your desire to know how your birthdaughter is doing. I would try and become friends with her parents because I do feel it will make it easier for your birthdaughter now and later. Plus it will help her parents feel less "betrayed" they will realize you only have the best of intentions and aren't trying to sneak in and take their daughter from them.

mom2GRLC posted I thought about whether or not they could have intersepted it, and I'm sure that is a definite possibility. I guess I should try to write them a letter and explain myself so they don't worry that I'm trying to "take their daughter away". Funny, I hadn't ever thought of it like that, I just wanted to find out how she is and if she was alright and hoped that she'd want to have a relationship with me, not a "mother/daughter" relationship, just a "friend", I'm not looking to be her "mother" I know she already has one. mom2GRLC posted As for being "betrayed", that is exactly how I feel at the moment. I feel like a huge joke has been played on me, I tried not to think of it like that, but after yesterday I find that very difficult. I found my daughter because information led me to my "best friend", and at first she said nothing and tried to act surprised. Then later she told me everything she new and apologised profusely for keeping her knowledge a secret all these years. Her aunt adopted my daughter, and my "best friends" entire family knew this....and they all knew what kind of pain I was suffering through. To make things worse, the amom lied to me, many times throughout the adoption process, promising things she never intended to follow through with, and she knew that we were family friends. Topping it all off, I find out yesterday a male friend of mine also like a "best friend", of course he wanted to be more than friends, also knew and didn't tell me. That to me, is the ultimate in betrayal....what do you think? Am I over reacting? Anyhow, long story short, this is partly why I didn't feel like I should contact the aparents first. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I hope some of this makes sense. Thanks for your input, I'm sorry,I'm not trying to be mean or rude I'm just hurting.Michelle

Hi Michelle, I take it that your bdaughter still lives with her parents? In that case, I would definitely write them a brief letter, even though the situation sounds a bid sour. You do have good intentions, and I don't think it hurts to remind her parents of that. I would also send off another note to your daughter with all your contact information (email, etc.) so she can choose how to contact you when she's ready. Then it's time for the waiting game...which is SO horrid. But that lag time may be time for her to sort through some emotions, which will only help you in the long run. It took my bmom 2 years to "come around", and we now have a very close relationship. 20 years old is awfully young...I often think my bmom wouldn't have liked me if she met me back then (of course she disagrees with this!) Good luck Michelle...we're all waiting with you :)

I can write a letter, but I do have the amoms phone number, should I attempt to call her instead or stick with a letter. I didn't call to speak with my bdaughter, because I knew this was the amoms cell and I didn't want to speak with her at that time. What's your opinions on this?