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My husband and I are discussing whether or not to change our foster sons' names or not, and if we do what to? We are keeping their first names the same, meaning they will be called by the name names as we have known them by and they have always used in our home. My younger foster son has a nickname for a first, like Mikey (not his name). I would like to change his legal name from Mikey to Michael but continue to call him Mikey. Will this alone cause him problems? Or is it a nicer thing to do for him, give him a name that will work as an adult and not be perpetually childish. We will always call him Mikey, that will remain the same, but I would like to give him a more formal version of Michael for later in life. My older foster son has 2 names already, one is the name on his brith certifiercate, and the other is the name that his birthparents changed it to later on. Which one is his name? If we legally change his name to one he goes by now will he resent that? Which holds more weight, which is more important, the legal one or the one in use? He knows both names. Another issue is middle names. I would like to either keep their middle names that they have now and add a second middle name from our family or just give them a middle name for our family. I think having a family name would give them more of a sense of belonging to their new family, our birth chidlren have family middle names and now they will too. Is it better to add the second middle name or to change the middle name or should we just leave it alone completely? My thoughts were to name our younger foster son with the more formal version of his current name as his legal first name, keep his current middle name and add a second family middle name. For my older foster son I wanted to keep his origional legal name, add his current used first name as his new middle name (thereby giving it some legal status), and adding a family middle name. I think that this will give them a piece of us as well and retain the ties to the birth family and lessen confusion for them since they will continue to be called by the same names. Is this better, or should we just not do anything to their names at all? I really think since we have the option to give them new names reflective of their new families we should... make sure they know that both names are important to us and that they now have names from both sets of parents. That we both loved them enough to give them special names. Am I just trying to justify wanting to change their names to be more like our family, am I forcing trying to get the to belong, or am I trying to give them a gift of a new family and a new name that is relfective of that? We do not want to take away what they know or what their birthfamilies gave them, we just want to be a part of it too. So it is being selfish or is is being thoughtful? Any help would be greatly appreciated, if you think it is a good idea, bad idea, or anything in between I would really appreciate your input. Thanks!
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Hi K, You left out an important piece of info...How OLD are your children??? If they are over 4, I would say give them some options. Pick out one or two names that you would LIKE to change theirs too and then ask them. I know of MANY older adopted children who WANT to change their name. Some entirely, and others just a bit. If they are under 4 I would say make changes you think are best for them. I would DEFINATELY change the a child's name if they had a nickname as a first name. It's hard to imagine a grown man in a professional setting handing you his card which read "Micky Smith Esq." Nicknames are nice, but everyone needs a "grownup" name to fall back on at some point.
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