question about LDS FS guidlines

Thanks for the PM!Well got to thinking. I was watching my dd in gymnastics tonight and all the doubts and fears were coming over me in waves. I wanted to come back here and defend myself to some unkown about my first marriage and how wondeful my family is now. How silly. My family is wonderful (while not perfect) I am truly a stronger and more able person because of the trials I have had in my life and that includes an abusive marriage. I came here initially today because I am afraid. Its been a long time since I have felt defensive about my past. I've moved on in my life. But I went back there today and revisited the old me who defined myself as simply a divorced single mom, not exactly top of the things I dreamed I would be as a Young Woman. In reality this has only made me stronger and has made me who I am today and has given me the family I have today. It is not something that is necessary to grow, being in a bad marriage, please don't take me wrong. For me, I no longer look at the situation the same. Thankfully I have reached a level of forgiveness and peace.Heavenly Father has blessed me. I know my family and I know our strengths. Anyway I got to thinking. I'm too afraid to even call, why? There really isn't an answer. So I'm going to call and get the paperwork sent to us. I can't imagine they would say "no" to my paticular situation. I do not condone divorce because one "feell out of love" or is bored nor do I or will I ever condone staying in an abusive marriage. I have a sense of strength knowing that through Heavenly Father's help I was able to overcome and to prevent my daughter from being part of an abusive life. I have more gratitude for my husband, the man that he is because of this. I could go on and on with the blessings and growth that are part of me because of my trials.It was quite a process to get my temple sealing cancelled and then to get permission to marry my wonderful husband in the temple. The document granting me that is signed by Gorden B. Hinckley. I was thinking that, no, I can't imagine they would tell me no, at least not for that reason! We feel very strongly about going to LDSFS for our adoption. So that is where we will go. Thanks for listening. I think I sorted out my own problem, feelings of inadquacy, fears.....for now anyway. This is a scary process, isn't it? Putting yourself out there like this and hoping somebody will choose you. Sorry for the typoes not a lot of time and I write way too fast. L

Feel like I am talking to myself..maybe I am. I enjoy journaling. Well I have to write and say I did it! I called and talked with LDSFS today and am now we are waiting for the application to come. Was happy to find out that nothing I was worried about will keep us from going through LDSFS! Silly me. I can also get the application started before our 18 month old goes home which makes me feel better because I've know we were supposed to adopt for the past 4 years and I really feel like it is time to find him or her. I had a mini-breakdown today at the thought of our little foster guy leaving. Overnight visits start this week. I thought I was prepared but I'm not. This is harder then I could have ever anticipated. Foster care was something we felt inspired to do feeling that it most likely would not lead to adoption. Now I know why were felt lead to foster care, it was to be part of our foster baby and his mothers life. I hope to remain in his life forever. His mom is dong well and I support the reunification BUT it feels a little like my heart is being ripped out. I feel like he is her "son" But I have loved him like my own son. This feels like a death. I don't know how else to explain it. I would never compare myself to a birth mother in this respect but I think I may be able to feel a taste of what they most go through. I can't imagine the kind of strength and faith that takes.

You aren't talking to yourself, I am reading your posts, and other lurkers may also read your post. Glad to hear your fears are unfounded. The exact policies and procedures of agencies (even LDSFS) can't be posted for all to see, but your thoughts and fears and feelings are more than welcome. This forus is a bit empty some times, but I check it regularly and you can always PM me. You may also want to visit the "trans-cultural" (i think thats the name) adopting forum on here. There is some good advice on what to expect long term and how to handle those specific challenges that come with that kind of adoption. As well as other specific forums for other specific challanges. A bit of background on me, I was listed with LDSFS, found on their website by a non-member bmom with a 3.5 yr old girl, and finalized the adoption privately (not officially handled by LDSFS). Keep us posted!!

In my excitment I forgot to add that if anyone wants to share information about LDSFS please PM me! Thank you.Some of you already have and I appreciate that. I appreciate your insight. I will deffinatly be checking out the boards for more information on AA and Biracial adoption! Thanks for the heads up. I Love the LDS point of view, so I love coming here knowing you all understand adoption in a different way. Its nice.Since there are at least 2 people lurking here is some more about us. I'm going to take a break from the boards for a few weeks but will be back when my dd's start school again to give an update. Swimming lessons end this week (that is when I come online) and so my free time is ending. We lived in the Caribbean for over 2 years. During that 2 year period of time we were able to get to know and love 24 children living in an orphanage on the island. We were the minorities in our LDS branch and on the island. It would have been very easy to stick with the "Americans" while on the island and stay strictly at the beach resorts, resort hotels (we did a lot of this too!) but I feel we were blessed to be totally immersed in the Caribbean culture. My dh was the branch mission leader and I was in the primary presidency. It was one of the best experiences of our lives. We had a few very special experiences letting us know that we were to adopt an AA or biracial infant once we were finished with school. All of the children and adults we grew to love were African/Caribbean. I am also a proud foster mom of an 18 month old who is AA. I hope to remain part of his life when he is reunited with his mom. We are fortunate to live in a diverse area and have a diverse ward. My dh is a Veterinarian and I am a stay at home mom to two beautiful girls and a busy foster mom of our special needs toddler who will be going home very soon (this is a happy/sad time for me). I've dealt with ignorant comments towards myself and my AA foster son by AA, and by CC peole, most are innocent some are not. I know what to stay, have my lines memorized. I'm a mama bear if anyone says anything remotely racist in front of me or ANY of my children. I already feel like we are a multi-racial family. While in the Caribbean we were embraced by the people on our island. I will never forget their love and acceptance of us. I have grown to love the AA community as I have served in our Primary here. Many of our primary kids come to church from the inncer city. Most of them come on their own. I have seen racism towards my foster son's mother and have advocated for her. Rasicm is unfortunatly still around and if you parent an AA or Biracial child you need to teach them how to deal with it-so I've done my best to advocate for the foster children I have had in my care. I understand skin and hair, my AA foster son's mom is teaching me the way to dress (at least for a boy!), how to keep his hair, what is acceptable/what is considered "too white", it's different then Caribbean culture so its nice to be learning. And it IS important in NY that our AA or Biracial children do not feel like outsiders when it comes to the AA community, so dress, care of hair and skin is very important. Fortunatly there are many biracial families in our area and tons of beautiful biracial children. My closest friend in our ward just moved, she was Caribbean. I have several close friends who are either AA or Biracial or who have Biracial children. We naturally have a diverse group of friends. My dd's pediatrician is from Trinidad and is African decent. We were able to have one of the 12 year old girls from the orphanage spend Christmas with us and weekends. This is when I really learned about hair. She has a beautiful hair, long and thick, kept in braids. Because she had her hair done on Saturday it was up to us to fix it. I had seen some cute hair styles I thought i could try. I realized quickly my limitations. Our landlady was excellent at hair so every Saturday our "adopted" daughter was with us she would fix her hair. I may be limited (all thumbs) but my SIL is excellent at ethnic hair and she lives close by. She has promised to help me learn. I'm ready...hope those fingers cooperate if not she offered her services (She is a cosmotologist and works mostly with ethinc hair).As foster parents we took a 10 week class preparing us for transracial adoption/placements. They were very helpful. I know we are not prepared for everything that will come up but at least we are not going into this unexperienced! L

Aspen,Thanks for giving me your background. How did you deal with your post adoption depression? Is this common? I imagine after dreaming for several years and having a beautiful picture in your mind it is a little of a let down when it is reality, just as it is when you dream for 9 months about a baby only to discover most of it is poopie diapers and sleepless nights (at least for the first few weeks). Is this part of post adoption depression? I found myself having a little bit of that during foster care. More of "this isn't how I thought it would be" then feeling let down. I had built up this dream and when it wasn't reality I have to admit that was tough. I've fostered 3 year olds, mine were very attched to their parents at that age or had attachment issues because of neglect and were short term so my experience is very limited. Was this part of why you experienced the depression? Did you have attachment issues? If so how did you deal with them? I know these questions are personal...so tell me to stop if I need to. I'm curiouse because we may be open to older children or sibling groups. We are still thinking about it. L