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[FONT=Times New Roman]I was hoping for some advice in our situation. My wife and I have been struggling with infertility and decided to pursue adoption. A family member of mine is involved in an adoption agency that specializes in placing children with specific needs here in Massachusetts. She came to us about an 8 year old boy that had recently come up for adoption. Based upon this child my wife and I completed MAPP training (required in MA.) and had our home study done. Everything went well and we had a disclosure meeting set up with the social worker. One day before the disclosure meeting the social worker revealed that another family (the neighbors of the foster parent) had decided they want to pursue adoption with him. Because they knew him already it was felt to be a better fit. Though we never met him, we had seen pictures, knew his name and knew his personality. It was devastating. To make matters even worse my wifes office had a welcome party for her the day after in which they spared no expense on gifts. The issue now is that this agency now has no referrals that fit our criteria. Should I consider going directly through the Department of Social Services (DSS)???? Has anyone pursued this avenue in Massachusetts or any other states? It is my understanding that I may be able to get a toddler that may not have special needs. Another issue is that DSS has told us that because the training and home study did not go through them, they would have to review it. It maybe determined that we have to start that process all over again.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]Any advice or experiences would be helpful. I feel like we have no control of this situation.[/FONT]
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I wish I had more knowledge about adoption in Massachusetts, but I don't. What I can tell you is that if you were this upset over this failed adoption (which most people would be, I don't mean to imply anything mean), then I wouldn't think going through the foster care program to adopt would be the best idea. Adopting through foster care is a long and sometimes heartbreaking process. If you were to decide to try to adopt straight from foster care, you could request that only children who are likely to be placed for adoption are placed with you. I think it's 50/50 though as to whether or not you will actually get children who will become available for adoption. Whichever route you choose, good luck. I'm sorry you had your hearts broken this time, but I have faith that you will find the perfect match eventually! :wings:
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I hope I can help you.. I have adopted two times through the foster to adopt program with our D.S.S. I am in New York. First I want to say how sorry I am about your current situation.. Ok, Here Goes.. lol We first adopted through Catholic Charities (you don't have to be Catholic) then we waited 3 years and decided to go through foster care in the hopes to adopt.. We thought all the children that we helped along the way to our dream come true (Adoption) would be a blessing. And the Risk is worth the reward is another saying that got us through.. We had a lot of kids come through our home..We ended up adopting a little boy that was placed in our home when he was 4 days old. We worked with the birthmom, dad was in Jail, and she surrenered in 8 months. Then we got a little girl when she was 3 days old, again straight from the hospital. We were fortunate enough for her parents to surrender around the same time. 8 months..lol.. So we adopted our son May 1, 2006 and our Daughter November 13, 2006.. we are all done. three is a good number..Anyways what I am saying is that GO for it,,, This experience that you went through, learn from it and grow stronger.. This is a rollercoaster ride, and you are lucky in you seem to have a GREAT support system with your church. The reason I would do foster to adopt rather than just adoption through dss is because most fost parents adopt when the children come up for adoption. but if you are afraid of getting hurt I would definatley just wait for a child to become available for adoption... and also.. Say Newborn to 3 years,, don't be afraid to say what you want...We are not your typical case we were totally blessed and lucky..I will pray for you and your wife that you are soon blessed with a child to love.. Jen