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I would appreciate some insight from some other parents about this situation if you can give any. We have a 14 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter. We recently found out that my father in law was convicted back in the 70's of a sex crime involving my sister in law. We know this is true as it just entirely explains so many things that my dear husband has had questions about his whole life and it came from a very trusted individual who would gain nothing by bringing this up now. She just had serious concerns about our kids spending any time with him. The second this was brought to our attention my husband told his biological father that he was to have absolutely NO contact with the children or us ever again. Don't call, don't write, don't ever come to our home again. there was very little contact anyway due to past issues they've had, not of a sexual nature the guy is just an idiot. He did this in the form of a letter. We received an angry letter back from him, of course. That letter was read and thrown away and we thought hopefully that would be the end of it. Since then my son's birthday came and he sent a b-day card to my son with a check in it. This infuriated my husband and he destroyed the check and called his father and left him a not so pleasant message just reinforcing our feelings and that he needed to stay away and cease all contact. My daughter's birthday was this past week and he did it again, sent her a card and check. My husband is beside himself with anger. Not only is he having to deal with something really bad about his own father but now the guy will not just leave well enough alone even after being asked multiple times. This is about to drive my husband over the edge and I don't know what else we can do to get our point across. I don't know if there is anything legally that we can do and if so I don't know who to talk to. We've never had to deal with anything like this before and it is disgusting. We just want to protect our kids and how do you do that from a family member who won't stay away? Does anyone know if it is appropriate to call an attorney, the police and get some advice..I'm just lost, confused and extremely concerned about my family. :( This is by far one of the the most messed up things I have ever had to deal with.
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Don't open and throw away anything. If he sends it, write "Return To Sender" on it and put it back in the box.He knows your opening them. Take the control away - sometimes its just the satisfaction of knowing they've ticked you off....he won't get that anymore if you just return them unopened.
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I agree with Brandy. We needed to deal with an out of control family member like that. When we began to send things back they realized that it was a waste of their time and money, and when it didn't get to us anymore they stopped. I have no idea what you could do legally, I'm sure there's something, but we didn't have to go that far. Usually people like that are way too involved with themselves to go much further.
Thanks for the replies. I will try that and see if we get anywhere. Of course he does not put a return address on it and drives to another town to mail it but I know his writing. I will write his address on it myself and put return to sender. We have talked with our kids about this and they seem to understand. I'm sure it's weird for them being this is a person they had known as a "grandfather" for their whole lives. Thankfully we never had much contact anyway so I don't think it's a huge loss. I'm just blessed to have my wonderful parents and also my great Mother in Law and her husband that they can still see & love as grandparents in their lives.
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I agree with the other posters on this thread, put return to sender and let it go back. If you are considering taking legal action agaist him, holding onto the cards is proof that is contacting you. You could get a temporary restrainting order on the grounds if you feel that is harassing you via mail. I would contact the local bar assocation in your area for more advice on what to do.
Does your state have stalking laws? Here's the thing. I dealt with a stalker for years. Persistent undesired contact via mail, in person or on the phone is stalking. I would NOT throw anything away. It's evidence. You'll need it when this escalates. Get your attorney on board. If you have a friend in law enforcement, let them know about it. You don't have to just tolerate this and you don't have to keep communicating with this guy. He gets it. He knows how you feel and he's doing it anyway. What he doesn't know is that you, via the law, can make him pretty miserable too.