I have my birth mothers info and won't use it

Searching is obviously an individual choice.But, I don't want you to make your decision based on possibly false or old information.Adoption files can be full of concocted stories. Maybe the information is correct, but maybe it isn't. Red flags go up for me with the "whole family" not wanting contact. And, she handed you over easily and "no tears" and "no signs of regret or remorse." That just sounds very much like agency-speak to me.How in the world can an agency worker assess all of that? And, even if the information you have is correct, what she wanted decades ago may not be what she would want now.Many of our mothers were told not to search for us. Some were even told it was illegal to search for us. Only you know if you can handle a possible rejection. Some people can't. Others just have to know. And, wouldn't it be great if she would at the very least share your b-father's name with you. Maybe she would give you that much. Maybe she'd give you medical information.Also, if you choose not to search, you could always try to do a DNA search through a site, such as 23andMe. It's not even a needle in a haystack because you're not even guaranteed that any relatives have signed up for the service.Personally, I would attempt contact.... But, I wouldn't necessarily contact your siblings before your mother. They will tell her, and she will be in shock. I just think it is the respectful thing to contact your mother first. Give her a chance. Then, you can consider contacting your siblings. Can you imagine how it would feel to find out that your child contacted everyone except for you?Again, only you know if you can rejection. If you can, I say go for it.Please keep us posted!

Searching is obviously an individual choice. But, I don't want you to make your decision based on possibly false or old information. Adoption files can be full of concocted stories. Maybe the information is correct, but maybe it isn't. Red flags go up for me with the "whole family" not wanting contact. And, she handed you over easily and "no tears" and "no signs of regret or remorse." That just sounds very much like agency-speak to me. How in the world can an agency worker assess all of that? And, even if the information you have is correct, what she wanted decades ago may not be what she would want now. Many of our mothers were told not to search for us. Some were even told it was illegal to search for us. Only you know if you can handle a possible rejection. Some people can't. Others just have to know. And, wouldn't it be great if she would at the very least share your b-father's name with you. Maybe she would give you that much. Maybe she'd give you medical information. Also, if you choose not to search, you could always try to do a DNA search through a site, such as 23andMe. It's not even a needle in a haystack because you're not even guaranteed that any relatives have signed up for the service. Personally, I would attempt contact.... But, I wouldn't necessarily contact your siblings before your mother. They will tell her, and she will be in shock. I just think it is the respectful thing to contact your mother first. Give her a chance. Then, you can consider contacting your siblings. Can you imagine how it would feel to find out that your child contacted everyone except for you? Again, only you know if you can rejection. If you can, I say go for it. Please keep us posted!

I agree with L4R. Info in the file is old and could be very wrong. If you're willing to take the risk of rejection, I'd contact her directly.

Well....I sent a friend request to one of the siblings....and he immediately contacted others. Apparently they had been looking for me for a long time. She went back to get me and the agency said they had no record of me. Talked to my birth mother...I still have not spoken to a sister. Everyone on their end is excited and already planning a trip to meet me. Apparently they had heard about me their whole lives. She was very reserved and skeptical at first. It was funny because we are so much a like...she was getting irritated with me for saying I think you may be my Mother...she at first said no....and I was getting irritated at her because her children had already told her I was really the child she gave up. I was like what do you mean "NO"? I know it is you....sheesh...I probably know more about you than you want me to...I have pictures of you....we look exactly a like...but she wouldnt tell me who my birthfather was....but I am okay with that for now....I am more than happy to let her have her time first.... I am slow and steady though....they can slow this train down a little if they want...I am okay with meeting them....I dont think I am ready to see them tomorrow....lol

I'm really glad for you, and them! Best wishes with reunion!

That's fantastic! And, you thought no one was looking for you.I am very happy for you.Just one word of unsolicited advice: Don't go into this at warp speed. Take your time so everyone can acclimate. It's a lot easier to slowly go into something than to rush into it and find that someone needs to back out or slow things down as everything progresses.

That's fantastic! And, you thought no one was looking for you. I am very happy for you. Just one word of unsolicited advice: Don't go into this at warp speed. Take your time so everyone can acclimate. It's a lot easier to slowly go into something than to rush into it and find that someone needs to back out or slow things down as everything progresses.

I spoke with my birth mother for two hours Friday night, briefly with a brother and emailed my sister Friday night. I sent an email to my sister today asking how her Dad was doing. I will probably call one of them later in the week, or maybe next week. I thought about maybe stopping by my sisters place of work on the way home to see my Mom (not my birth mother) a couple of weeks from now. My brothers and sister were ready to get in the car Friday and come down....I was like WHOA!! I am not sure how I am supposed to feel or what I am supposed to be asking.

WOW! that is great story. just goes to show, what we are told from adoption agency cannot always be taken as the total truth. AND what someone feels or says at time of your birth may not be the way they feel decades later. I am very happy for you and that your family is welcoming you. I do agree with L4R, if you can slow things down a bit I would. It is also a good idea, I think, to read up on reunions and the different "usual" phases of them. worth researching and reading up on. get all the information and support you can. I find this forum a great source for information and support from fellow adoptees who are in similar situations. good luck and please keep us updated. We Do care!!

I have spoken with my birth mother three times...I called then she called a few days later and then I called her again a little over a week after the first time I spoke with her. I wanted to make sure she was doing okay. She wants to make contact at least once a week....I am okay with that. She is letting me decide when to meet. She just let me know that she would like to eventually. I have emailed a couple of times with my sister and went and had lunch with her today. It went well. We are so much alike...it is sort of weird. I think we could be really great friends....and maybe someday, real sisters. She feels the same way. We are going to continue to email and stay in touch. We are giving each other space to get used to each other. I got a lot of new info that is kind of shocking and needs to be ....processed. And, yes, social workers and the state will LIE. Especially if they are best friends with the stepmother of the pregnant girl. Just a lot to process....none of us are the type to ask questions....so stuff just comes out organically as conversations progress. None of us have any trouble talking....lol. I wonder if I am going too fast though. Still not ready to meet the bmom and other brother. I have a situation that seems weird to me. My bmom adopted a child. I say he is my brother too. But then I think about it and I am like. He is my brother and sister's brother....but not really mine....but he grew up knowing me as his sister that went away....brain twister...lol