Do u feel as i do??

Then don't marry a man like your stepfather. Actually, having to keep a child in mind will help you better select a mate: finding one who is not only considerate and loving towards you but children that aren't his biological ones shows a lot of character. The father still has to relinquish rights. If you are planning on not telling the agency who the Father is, that's not only unethical but one of the illegal practices in adoption. He has rights.You are NOT guaranteed more children in life. Many firstmothers have chosen not to have more children because of the emotional grief and loss. Others have waited and found that, physically, they are unable to conceive. Beyond that, your words right there simply play out to mean that, "Hey, I can have another so letting go of this one is okay." Is one better than the other? Never.

so you are saying a p addict and person who has stabbed someone and is in and out of the law is going to be a great dad for my kid?! Hell no!!!why cant you guys see that i dont want the kid to look up to me and his father?!!!!I know from my life that its not a healthy one and yet you guys say place a child in that to have a chance to be screwed up, i dont want the guilt of screwing my childs life...giving him away at least has a chance in life..I do love my kid more than anything in the world!!!!and it will i know change my life and i will never forget him, no other child will be better than him, i was showing my hope that someday I will have more kids when Im older with a right guy etc, thats what i meant!!! i never meant in that i just better than the others i may have in life..

I didn't say he would be a great dad. I said he has rights.

I see what you're saying. When I replied my only meaning was to take care of YOU and be sure this is what you want. I see in your profile and even also from your way of speaking that you may be from the UK? You don't need to answer but I bring it up because I'll be the first to admit I don't know what rights a father is having in any country except the United States, so I can't advise you there. Best of luck with your decision. (((hugs))) and no judgement.

I was adopted when I was 3months old in the 50 Mothers did not have the help they have now.When I gave birth to my son there was know way I was going to have him adopted.I was lucky I went back to live with my parents . I met my husband to be when my son was 7months old and we married when my son was 3years old and went on to have two daughters

Daisy, I think the people on this board were just trying to help you think of what it MIGHT feel like if and when you place so you are prepared. So often we make a plan and think we will feel only relief and are surprised when we feel sad or bad. You alone know the situation with your ex-boyfriend and your family. You alone know if the situation is one that you want to bring your child into. You alone know whether or not you are ready to be his mother at this point. Your reasons for considering adoption are valid. I respect your desire for a "better life" for your son...one hopefully that will include a mom and dad, a stable home, that meets his needs and is extremely loving. I am an a-mom and my daughter's birth mom was raped at 13. Her family wanted her to abort and she nearly did twice. She ended up standing up for herself and her daughter and insisting on adoption. My husband and I wanted to make sure she had her own attorney to advise her and counseling so she could deal with the rape and the make certain she wanted to place, prepare for the emotions involved, and get post-placement care. The 1st few weeks and months after placement were difficult. My heart was just BROKEN for her... She had fallen in love and her "head decision" was now being effected by her heart. She knew the reasons she had for wanting to place (very similar to your own) but walking out of the hospital with empty arms was painful (as you might imagine and expect). We have a semi-open adoption. I send videos, cards, letters, GOBS of pictures, foot and hand prints etc... we email also, and she has our contact information, but she never writes, calls or visits. We are open, but she is at a different time in her life. My comfort is that she writes me emails talking about how happy she is, how her life is going now, and how thankful she is. I think part of the success we are having is our respect and love for HER. We made agreements before the birth and we have honored them. We gained her trust. We want to make her proud and are doing our very best to raise this little girl into a woman she will be extra proud of. We really do LOVE our daughter's birth mom and consider her part of our family. We show our daughter her picture and talk about her regularly with the respect she deserves. Please make sure you feel you know and trust the family you choose to raise your son (should you decide to place) and make your wishes known in regards to the openness of the adoption, pictures, etc...and select a family who will honor these requests. You have plenty of time to continue to educate yourself on adoption as well as parenting (should you change your mind). I am impressed and awed by your comments that you know it will be hard for YOU, but that what is important is what your feel is best for HIM. This is the response of a true mother. We are selfless...our children come first. It may be that you decide raising him is best...you may decide adoption is best. You alone know what is best for your son. :wings: Take care.

Lil Daisy, I think you have made an educated and wonderful decision! You seem to know what you want for your child... a home with a mom AND dad, a beautiful life, a life that you just don't think you can give him. You already made the most important decision... the decision to give this child LIFE! And for that, you are a strong woman! You could have given up so easily, but you didn't! There is a couple out there right now that has been hoping and praying for the baby that YOU are carrying in your womb, and to be able to answer their prayers is an AMAZING thing! I have a 2 year old daughter at home. I'm pregnant now, and in 7 weeks, her brother or sister is going to be placed into his parents' arms, and they will be taking him hundreds of miles from us. And it is the most amazing, beautiful and eye-opening journey that I have ever experienced. This adoption plan has given me and so many others around me a new outlook on life... and it has given C & A a baby! AND it has given me and my little family a second chance. The blessings that have come from this have been overwhelming... and if you ever need encouragement, please PM me. :) Peace be with you in your journey! You have made the hardest and best decision you could ever make for your child. You have made the decision to give him a life... and a BETTER life. And for that, you are being the best mother you could be! Peace be with you!Jeska

Lil' Daisy,First off I want to say how responsible you seem to be through this. Reading your post I know you defintely love your baby and only want the best. Is the birth father willing to sign off his rights for the adoption? Being young and realizing that your home life is not where you want your angel to grow up, is something that could not have been easy for you. Follow your heart you know what is right for your angel. Giving him the gift of life speaks for itself..:wings:

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Very true. As a birth mom, I can't guarantee that my daughter A Parents will be together forever. I feel they have a stable marriage, but who am I to judge? I know an adoptive couple that divorced and the kids have split custody with both Amom and Adad. I NEVER want that for my daughter, my parents are still together, (just had their 25th yesterday) so I could not image what it would be like having to deal with divored parents. Let your heart guide you in your decision, but don't forget about the logics of life. There is no wrong decision! Remember that. You will never please everyone in this world. People look down on me for this adoption - e.i. my boy friend.. Anyway thats another story. Do what is best for you, for your baby.Take Care of yourself :) [FONT=Verdana][/FONT]

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Lil daisy,Read in the sub-forums further down under birthparents. Read what it is like after you relinqulish your child. You deserve to know what is down the adoption road. It is not easy. Some deal with it better than others.

Lil Daisy, I just had to reply back. I've seen and heard it to often... ADOPTION IS THE ONLY WAY... GIVE THE GIFT OF LIFE. I sat back now and I look at adoption from a whole new angle. The adoption world has gotten very greedy. A perfect picture is painted for you, of these perfect people, and these perfect lives. In reality... the Aparents, no matter how much they ask .. how are you doing? What's happening? They can't get you out of the picture fast enough. Honestly... Do you really think a potential Aparent is going to look at you and say "Don't do it?" ... No... they are going to be handing you the paper and the pen to relinquish your rights away as fast as possible. (however Daisy... don't get me wrong... you do have your good FEW Aparents out there that do truly understand... but there are very few of them, very very few of them, which is sad... You have to remember, they are strangers that will tell you anything and everything to make them look wonderful.) It's sooo true what these ladies are saying.... YOU will have to live with the decision that you make. YOU and YOU alone. So you need to ask yourself, Can you live with the decision of giving your child to two strangers? I have yet to meet a "HAPPY JOY JOY Bmother who was THRILLED to give up her child!" Next... NOBODY stays together forever anymore! I have come across a Bmother who's AParent's where getting a divorce. She was sooo devastated. Her son is 12 yrs old and she feels that SHE done something wrong. Also... I'm going to be honest with you. Adoption is the worst feeling in the world. I believe that while your child is growing inside you, that you give him/her part of your soul to bring them to life. When you give that child away, that part of your soul is always missing. Always empty. Always hurting. It's not happy happy joy joy like they try to tell you. I would tell you not to do it. That there is government help out there. I regret giving my child up every day. Ask yourself, would you be able to handle that regret? And here is the biggest one... the What if? What if this is your ONLY child that you will ever have??? So if you think that you could live with all of this, then do it... for I wish to GOD somebody would of came to me and told me all of this.

Mattie;I would ask that you keep your generalizations to a minimum. Not all adoptive parents want birthmothers "out of the picture" after the signing of TPR. There are some dishonest adoptive parents. There are also dishonest expectant Mothers, dishonest biological Mothers and dishonest people in general. Let's not lump one group together, okay?

Lil Daisy, All the advice given here was wonderful and wise advice. Listen, take heart and end the end do what you feel is best. The choice to parent may be hard, but the choice to allow another couple will be very difficult too. I am not a parent, and I am not a mom who had to make an adoption plan, also I am not adopted. Hannah

Lil Daisy, You sound like you are being level headed on the subject. I think that you sound as though you have thought it through. I give you props for thinking about it from all sides. The baby is the most important one in this situation. I know that it is hard to do what you feel is right for him/her. It is also hard to know what is right. Follow your heart. I am so sorry for what you are going through with the father. I know what it is like. I hope that you have at least been well for the past months. I admire you for thinking of your baby and putting him first. I have a friend who decided to parent with a father that was on drugs. The baby is 3 now, and neither parent is any longer in the picture. I feel for you in your decision. I have worked with pregnant teens in the past. I realize how tuff your choices are to make.Please feel free to pm me. I would be glad to help you in any way that I can. Sometimes talking brings clarity. Best wishes sweetie.

I know what you mean.... I had my son a little over a month ago on the 8th of September, signed my rights over on the 11th.I was going through all of that from the 6th month on... nightmares (mostly about not making it to the hospital on time) and just generally conflicting emotions. I knew I was going to do the adoption, I was 100% that adoption was right in this case (even though I did meet a guy who would be an awesome father, who even said "I've always wanted a family" before he knew about the adoption plans). But I was still feeling like I was breaking.For me, it got better when I saw the looks on the adoptive parents faces when the baby was born. Watching them hold him for the first time, it felt right. Then they left and the feelings got a lot worse. No one warned me that the post partum hormones are worse than the ones you get when you're pregnant. But it's been almost a month and a half since he was born and the down times are getting fewer and farther between.Honestly... only you know what's right. You'll get people on these boards who have had really bad experiences with adoption and some (like me) have had good experiences. It is a loss, but in my case, I felt that my son deserved better than I could provide him at that specific point. This was the only way I could give him everything he needs and wants over the next 18 years.