In reunion, but haven't longed for it my whole life

:cheer: hey there :) welcome to the forums:grouphug: . Waiting stinks doesn't it?:cool: Just a quick question/comment: you say you never had the desire to search/and or know your bparents....it says under your profile that your occupation is "birth parent counselor".....am I reading that correctly? Seems like it may logically relate to a desire to know more about YOUR bparents. Anyway, I hope your wait isn't long:D ...let us know how you're feeling and if you need us;) healingfeeling

I never longed to know my birthparents. I thought about them from time to time...wondered what they looked like, did I have any siblings, did they eventually get married, what did they do for a living...But never did I have this overwhelming desire to search. I fit in with my family. I look just like them. Share some of the same nationalities. Yes, I would look in the mirror and wonder who the heck to I really look like (I do resemble my a-family). As I got older, I would wonder around my birthday, why hasn't anyone tried to find me. I would wonder if my b-parents were still alive.I went into my search really looking for medical information. I had a difficult pregnancy and some of the condition could have been genetic. So, I decided to search so my husband and I could decide if we should plan for another child. I decided I would take what I could get in my reunion process. If my b-mom said that she wanted a relationship then great if not then I wasn't going to be too disappointed (I was probably just mentally protecting myself).She told me in one of her first letters to me that she knew that she could never be a mother to me, but she would at least like to be my friend. I was happy with that. The reunion process has been difficult, but it is working its way out.As my b-mom and I get to know each other, I am sometimes saddened at the thought of what could have been. But I then remind myself that a 15 year old girl would have had a difficult time raising a baby. At 33, I sometimes have difficulty! :)I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one who feels/felt the way you do!!

Yes, I am a birth parent counselor at an adoption agency. I know in some ways that encouraged me to search, but I've never had a yearning desire. My job helps me appreciate what my bmom might have gone thru. I believe she was very couragous to make the decision she did and I hope it was her decision - and that no one talked her into it. I thought being a counselor would also help me be prepared for the emotions I would have once this search united me with her, but I could never truely prepare. Part of my desire to search was a need to find out my medical history. Like Jan18 I resemble my family and fit in rather well. I was always supported by my family. My dad always stood by me (my mom passed away). Well that's probably the other reason I searched. My dad seemed curious and he's older... and I figured if I was ever going to do this I wanted him to be alive. What probably kept me from searching was the fear of the unknown. I was more scared that I'd meet this woman who would want to step back into my life and be 'mom'. I have yet to find out if that will happen. I would like my birthfamily to be a part of my life, but I'm not sure how much yet. I am trying to take it slow.I guess another issue I have is sharing the news that I have searched for my bmom with my coworkers. Obviously this is a topic close to my profession. I have birth parents and adoptive parents ask all the time if I have searched. Now I will have to change my story. That's no big deal to me. I can share. I feel more trepidation about telling my coworkers. Most of them would be very supportive, but there is that one person who puts a negative spin on everything. I don't want to put my other coworkers in the spot of keeping this a secret from her, but I will have to share this at some time. It's early in the process so I feel that I can keep it quiet for awhile... but that day will come.I appreciate the responses. My boyfriend is wonderful and supportive, but I can just tell he has no idea what to say to me at times since he has no personal experience with adoption.

I am you!! I never had a desire to search until after my daughter was born. And that was for medical reasons too. I searched withoiut any luck for 2 years then gave up fearing I might find someone I would not like. Then 12 years later my amom comes up with my adoption papers and by bmom's name and her parents' names are on them. So I found her. We have exchanged pictures and I don't think I look anything like her. Everyone has always commented on how much I look like my sister who is also adopted but has different bparents. So I guess like you it never really was an issue. Now we are scheduled to meet next week and I am not sure how I feel. I am not happy but I am not unhappy. I am not excited but I am not blase' about it either. I sometimes do feel sad about the whole thing and I don't know why. Do you ever feell sad??

Sadness...sometimes an overwhelming sadness will hit me when one of my sisters will write a sweet note to me. I think about how much time we missed together. One sister in particular said that she is sad that we will never have the same experience with our mom. She wishes we could have been raised in the same house together. That makes me sad, her desire to have had that true sister relationship with me!Sometimes when I get off the phone with my mom I will cry for 1/2 hr. It is the reality that I am finally able to talk to her, hear her voice...that gets to me. I never longed for it before reunion, but now that I know her, I can't seem to talk to her enough or receive enough e-mails, letters....The lost years make me sad, but again, I wouldn't have been ready for search and reunion 5, 10, 15 years ago. It had to happen at the right time for me. But now that it is here, I am enjoying the ride, and getting to know everyone.

When I first got pictures I, too, thought I look nothing like these people. As I looked harder I realized that I do have their features. I think I will be able to see it more when I meet them. Being able to look at people that look like me was an important piece of searching, but I realize it is so much more than that. I have been in contact with my birthfamily for about a month and it has gone way better than I could have ever hoped for. I haven't met them yet and want to take it slow. Sometimes I think 'what have I gotten myslef into' because it is overwhelming. I have had many emotions from happy to sad, but overall am glad all of this is happening. My life hasn't always been good, but I've never felt angry about the adoption and what it resulted in. I just hope that all those experiences have helped me be who I am today... and I am happy with that.I hope your visit goes well and your are able to get what you need and want out of your search. I think my biggest worry in my situation is that I will let my birthfamily down cause I won't be gushing over how much I've yearned for them all these years.I am still just writing and emailing my birthfamily - I haven't called them yet and am unsure when the right time will be. It feels like a part time job as I am in contact with about 6 people.

I am 35 and until a couple of months ago I has never felt any desire to search. Sure, I'd occasionally wonder about my bmum, and I get really fed up having to tell every doctor I see that I have no clue re my family's medical history. Earlier this year two significant events happened which triggered me to start searching: 1. I had a baby (my third, but there is a huge gap between the other two and this one) and 2. We founf out that my hubby had fathered a child with his ex-wife 13 years ago, gave the baby up for adoption without telling him. These two events have pushed me to search for my bparents. Once I had my "real" birth certificate I was able to locate my bmum fairly quickly. I have two 1/2 sisters - have seen a photo of one online and there is a strong resemblence. I have written a letter, but have not yet posted it. The one thought I keep coming back to is that growing up as an only child, I had always wanted a sister, so if circumstances were different I would have had two - and that makes me feel like I have lost something.