AMom needing help!!!

First of all, congratulations on both your adoption and your pregnancy!I have never been pregnant and am an amom myself. However, I was raised in a family with 5 kids and some were adopted and others were not. Timo is no less your child and you will not love him less just because you didn't give birth to him. You will love the child you are carrying, too. Love is not limited. I could be wrong, but I think right now maybe the whole pregnancy thing just has you stressing out when you normally wouldn't?I always tell my oldest DS (who LOVES puzzles) that families are like puzzles. God gets to choose which pieces go together and HOW they fit together, too. Once all the pieces are in place, we have a beautiful family. Your pregnancy is not a betrayal to Timo. He will get to be a big brother! It's a blessing.I hope this helped. I think I am just mumbling and my brain still has cobwebs from sleep!

Are you an only child? I don't know about you, but for both my husband and I, as adults, we really see the value in the relationship with our siblings more than ever! We can't wait to give our daughter siblings. As a child she will always have someone to play with, as an adult, she will have them as friends to always be there with her, even after were gone.

Try thinking of what you are giving Timo! He's going to get a baby brother or sister and the chance to be the big brother. They will be close in age and the perfect ages apart to be able to play together and enjoy each other. What a wonderful life you are giving him! He will always be special to you, because he's your first. The new baby will be special because it's the BABY! And not to keep the myth that adopting makes you get pregnant going, but I know someone else who adopted and then found out she was pregnant. Her two oldest sons are only 10 months apart, and it has never mattered to any of them. To top it off, she later divorced, remarried and there are step-kids, half brothers, you name it. People adapt, and Timo will, too.

Dawn, First, congratulations on your pregnancy :)Second - a lot will depend on how you treat the kids – or rather if you treat them different. It’s a struggle for some parents – there are people out there who just don’t possess the ability to parent both biological and adopted children, its sad, but true and rarely talked about on the forums. The fact that you are actively seeking out information leads me to believe that you’ll be ok and that your children will also be ok. I’m an adoptee, my parents did go on to have a biological child, but it wasn’t the fact that they had a biological child that made me angry – it’s the fact that there was no longer room for me in the family that made me angry. Children aren’t bandages for infertility, only to be ripped away once infertility has been resolved…that’s how I felt, I felt I served a purpose for the short time I was their only child, but once they were able to get pregnant and have a baby, I no longer filled the void they had, which I couldn’t have filled for them anyway, because I didn’t carry their DNA. Just do your best – your kids will appreciate you for it. Never look at them like they are different in relation to you – never allow one to do something the other can’t do because of genetics…when it comes down to it, you’re the mom, regardless of what DNA says, love these kids like there’s no tomorrow and you’ll be fine!

What you are experiencing is less about adoption verses bilological issues and more about the normal feelings mothers have when expecting their second child. We love our firsts so much and it is hard to believe we could love another human being to such an extent and we fear anything or anyone that would come between you. THe fact that your first is adopted adds some new dynamics to your feelings but again normal just the same. Relax, enjoy your baby and enjoy your pregnancy. Congratulations on both! Tricia

I think Brandi and pwheatle have very valid points. I was going to say, that I don't think it would be an issue for you beacuse you are here trying to find out what to do so you don't make your oldest feel second best. You also don't want to put all the "glory" so to speak on the adopted child to compensate and make the biological one feel left out either. I think you will do wonderful because you are so caring and want an equal balance there. I also agree that this is a second child thing, too. All my children are biological but I am an adoptee. When I was pregnant with my second child I remember thinking, "How can I love this one as much as the first?" "Will I have time for the first one with a small baby?" But especially dealing with how will I love the new one as much as I do the second because the first has had two years with me, being the center of our lives, how does the second one compete with that? Lo and behold, when they placed her in my arms, I was instantly as in love with her as I was her sister. You obviously are very caring and senstive, I think you will do a wonderful job. Good luck! Carolyn

I agree with Carol, Tricia and Brandy.You are obviously a very loving Mom or you wouldn't be seeking advice!((Big Hugs))

I agree with what everyone else has said...the intensity of emotion with that first one is such a mind blower that you don't beleive that you could possibly love another the same. I am the mother of 5 and love them all with all my heart. Is the love the same?...it is just as intense but love them for who they are,....how they are the same and different. Im thinking here.and I am probably wrong but the intensity of the whole experaince with your older boy is not allowing you to enjoy this differnt experiance... Is there some subconscience guilt getting in the way? "After all I have been through ..I'm pregnant anyway"...there are so many women that can't have children and I"M pregnant! Has it changed your whole frame of mind regardoing pregnany and adopting? Just some questions that came to my mind. They are 2 differnt experiances, will be 2 differnt kids...enjoy each for there uniquness!! Congrats on both!

Thank you, ladies, for all of your kind words. Last night, my friend, who was 3 weeks further along than me, lost her baby. Now, I know how precious this is, and how it will probably be my only pregnancy, so I need to relax and enjoy it. I am not due until April, so I have all of that time with Timo to make sure he knows how much Mommy and Daddy love him. I also have new guilt. My friend was so excited about being pregnant. And she was the one who lost ehr baby. I know God has a plan, but, GEEZ!! My life is such a soap opera!!! :) Again, thanks, and I have read all and taken all to heart. No more whining from me! Dawn