What Happens?

Thanks for the advice.We have had local news coverage back in May or june.All this did was delayed the ruling the court was going to make all along.They held their written decision until after the smoke cleared and everyone had forgotten about it.Now I do not know your situation but if I continue to rally out side the court house and yell my head off their will come a time when I will lose my job and then I will not beable to have any hope in funding an adoption that should have been as simple as the judge looking at the BF and telling him to get out of his court room ( which would have been tough to do being he was not there).We never intended on being Aparents.We were asked to be parents to this child by both Bparents.Never considered anything about adopting until she was ready for school.51/2 yrs after she was born.Now she is in the 2nd grade.STILL no attempt by the BF to contact her or at least introduce himself to her. She is second thought to the courts and the BF.None of which really cares about her at all.It also is not about getting my way.I thought this would be very simple and now I find myself spending large amounts of money to do and accomplish one thing.To give this 8 yr old girl a voice so that a court system that is suposse to be protecting her will listen to what she wants.She honestly believes that it is that simple.She says she will just tell the judge that she would rather stay with her mom and dad and she believes that it would be over with.SHE is right.It should be but we have a court system that believes that in her best interest she should be handed over to a man that she has never met and a man that in 8 yrs of her life did not think enough about her to even try.I do not believe the court system needs to be overhauled when it comes to this.I believe all they have to do is go back to what is already law.THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD.I agree that there are tons of children waiting for homes,But I also believe that there are only a few homes that can afford to adopt them.I pray that if you ever decide to adopt or if you have that it was done lawfully and in the best interest of your child.GOD BLESS

Well said, once again!! My biggest concern also is for the birth father to come forward after our angel is out of diapers, off the bottle, and sleeping through the night, and practically able to care for himself. Your little one at 8 years old clearly knows the love she has from you and your family. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that this is a control issue for this guy. Sometimes I feel its revenge to the birth mom's for choosing adoption, maybe in their minds they feel now they have control. Its ashame in the meanwhile all they are doing is hurting these poor innocent little angels. These guys knew from the beginning they had a child and knew the child was up for adoption -why didn't they do something right away? Its the same circle of questions that go around in my mind. I cannot for the life of me figure out what this birth father wants...only that its okay apparenty that we raise, love, provide for these angels-but we cannot adopt them-How selfesh is that? Wavering back and forth for now over one year on an adoption is just not right. This birth father has to know what he plans on doing. I hope to God when our situation goes to court that the judge will see this guy just for what he is...Nobody should have the right to do this to anyone. Playing on a couples feelings and literally putting a child "on hold" is downright cruel. We have been told so many things and then let down -How can we possibly ever trust anything this birth father says? I wanted this birth father to be a part of this hopeful adoption, I wanted this to work out more then anything in this world...but I am tired of the "not knowing" what is going to happen next. We love these children as our very own that is why this is so hurtful and painful- To look into their eyes and not know what is going to happen is just heartbreaking...Everyday I think what will our angel think after 18 months of having us as mommy and daddy...if ever our angel is handed back- Will our angel think we abandoned him? What thoughts would go through his little mind? These are the horrific thoughts that I have to live with...Thank God the birth mom promised us whatever happens she will fight till the end for us to adopt- and she promised no matter what she will make sure that we are in his life...That means the world to us. Prayer is getting us through this and we know God will be by our sides every step of the way!:wings:

Thanks kdetanner. Let's see what all I have done: I have been to the State capitol and discussed with and handed out packets to: the attorney general, the head of DHR, every cogressmember and housemember I could find, the governor and his office, the treasury separtment, the Bar, the state court system, every appeals judge, and so many others I can not name them all. At the last trial I had the courtroom overflowing so that many people had to wait outside. I had friends and family (as well as myself) contact congress (state and federal), senate (state and federal), judges, lawyers, heads of various departments - numerous letters have gone out on our behalf. I have contacted the ACLU. Hear My Voice, Dave (Wendy's), Ethica, - literally every single advocate I can come up with. I have also contacted every single media outlet I can come up with - repeatedly. I am pretty sure I have already covered the basis. You have to understand that we have been going through this for YEARS. We have tried every avenue possible. What you suggested is a great idea - but it has not worked. I did this for two straight years. Also - you need to remember that these courts hold our children in their hands - literally. And with the signing of a document can have them removed from us. We all have to choose very carefully what steps we take. It is not always smart to do as you suggested because the last time I did they filed against me in court for THAT. I do NOT recommend everyone try that route as it could make the judge angry and he could take your child away with the flip of a pen. We are limited in what we do because our children are legally tenously ours and our actions could jeapordize that even further. You might reply: Well, you would win on appeal. Maybe. Maybe not. First - that is not a good gamble. Second - the trauma it would do to our child is unthinkable. Further - we are already financially and emotionally drained, exhausted. We act only in the best interest of our children. Most of us going through this live in rigid fear every day - and have been for years. We have thought of every angle possible and tried anything and everything that we had carefully thought out to be only in our child's best interest. It is not so simple as you see. If this were a car they were talking about I would have given it to them LONG ago. And that is how they are treating my child. And they KNOW the parents will continue to fight because we know how harmful it is to take a child away from the only home they have ever known and place him or her with strangers. daddysangel - you are right: We need the best interest of the child to be paramount and all of this would be over. The people who put us through this - and the courts which allow it - are NOT considering the best interest of the child. Prayers for all of us going through this nightmare.

Our consultant told us that she has many birthmother's who's boyfriends insisted they get abortions, but when they refused and had their babies, would not sign off on an adoption! Where is the logic in that? I think (and I'm not man bashing here) that, as many here have said, it's an ego thing, they just want control.

I just dont seem to understand how CPS can change like that from state to state. I live in Texas (as I have stated before) and we have HUNDREDS of children that are just sitting in these homes waiting to be adopted. I used to be one of them and when my parents rights were terminated I did have a say in it. I told the judge myself what I thought and he ruled in my favor. I am sorry that your court systems are so currupt and your CPS systems at that! I know FROM EXPERIENCE that there are hundreds of thousands of children out there who need loving families! That is in NO WAY insulting! Yes I am saying that if the agency path did not work for you then CPS may be the way to go and if you have already tried and that did not work then maybe God has other plans for you. Dont bash me and tell me that I am insulting because I find that insulting myself... I am simply giving you a better alternative! I am very informed on CPS and adoption agencies, I have dealt with both of them (CPS for my entire life) Obviously this system is not working for you and if you dont yet have a child that you are fighting for then maybe you should look into something different. Why would you fight such an unjust system so that you can be put through something like this when you know that it happens all the time!? If you do have children in this and you are fighting for them GOOD LUCK because the courts are corrupt and that is all there is to it! I support CPS though, I know the people there and I know that if you work with the right person then you can get things done.Maybe it is as different as you say... If so and you are that passionate about being a parent why dont you move here!? Or somewhere esle so that you can have the child of your dreams and be a parent! As for the girl that started this post, I am sorry and you are in an unfortunate situation. I will pray for you!

Why would we fight such an unjust system? Are you serious? So, now we should just give-up? We have waited for an adoption for probably over 10 years...dreaming, hoping and praying for a child. This child was placed in our care for a reason. I will never give-up and neither will the other hopeful adoptve parents in contested adoptions. We are the parents of these little angels...the love we have is enough to keep us in this for however long it takes. You see, the day we held our baby in our arms we were taken on a responsibility and from that day on we promised to protect, care, and most of all love our angel, and that is exactly what we are here to do. This is the strongest test of love anyone could ever go through...but the love we have for these angels overcomes all obstacles. When I hear my little angel call me mommy ....and looks to me for comfort, love,support, nuturing,and hugs and kisses...that is what I fight for, because our angel deserves to be with the only mommy and daddy that he has ever known...All adoptions have risk, but we never thought this could be dragged out for so long. Its just sad and unfair...but with all the heartache and pain there are joys and happiness - Our angel is our world...and we are so very blessed. Trusting and believing in God, He knows how much our angel means to us....and will provide our strength..:wings:

I to am sorry and I also keep you and your family in our prayers. GOD BLESS:wings:

DaddysAngel, I didn't even reply to this post because I was at a loss for words. Thanks for FINDING THEM FOR ME AND FOR ALL OF US. You are a blessing and will be rewarded. We may not think, some days, that what we do is recognized, but from experience (and I have a LOT OF IT), I know that we definitely reap what we sow. You are so right in saying we HAVE OUR PERFECT CHILDREN. Amen. Josie

daddysangel :clap: I agree with Josie; THANK YOU for saying what you said. I also wanted to say something but you said it all too well. :love: kdetanner: PLEASE, before making further comments about things you don't know about---READ these threads and what we are/did go through. Then I don't think you'd make such uninformed comments.

It is so hard when you come to these forums for support and meet great people, then someone comes on the board and tells you to Move On, Move to my State, Get another child. What do you think these children are to us, plagues that we sit out for all to see but doesn't mean anything to us????? We all had the perfect child or currently fighting for our perfect children. I don't have to move anywhere nor do I want to. We want our children, we knew they were perfect when we first laid eyes on them. Why can't people understand that????

I went through Maryland for my second child because I originally wanted to adopt a girl between the ages of 2 and 5. I was told that it would have to be "foster to adopt" because most foster parents of very young children end up adopting the kids. So there aren't too many very young children "waiting". Montgomery County did say I could wait for an "adopt only" situation but it may be a very long wait. They didn't say it was impossible-but they didn't think it would be an easy process either. After getting my foster/adopt license, they presented me with a new baby girl-just one month old. The birthmom had substance abuse issues and her older children were with birthfathers, foster care and adoptive parents. The baby had been living with a relative who tested positive for drug use and the baby had to be removed asap. Birth mom wasn't really sure who the dad was but the men she mentioned also had substance abuse problems. The social worker was pretty sure this would turn into "adoption". After having the baby for 2 weeks, they identified a father through DNA testing. He couldn't have custody because of substance abuse but he insisted that he was cleaning up his act. I was really nervous about it because I was already falling in love with this little baby girl and I SO wanted to adopt her. The birth dad failed 3 out of 4 drug tests within the next month. I started to relax. Then his sister came forward and requested custody. Her own children were removed from her care because of child abuse, she had an open case against her for abuse of a child and was living in HUD housing and on welfare. The social worker assured me that there was no way the judge would ever grant her custody. Well, he did. I had to give her back after 2.5 months. My worst fear was that she couldn't even talk to tell someone if she was abused or neglected by her aunt. They'd have to wait for her to be injured. Shortly after returning my little foster baby back to her family, I did receive my baby daughter Hanna. I later learned that my foster daughter had to be removed from the aunt and is now in another foster-to-adopt home. I'm still worried about her. She was in so many homes the first year of her life-I worry about her bonding and feeling safe. Also, she's now 19 months old and STILL doesn't enjoy a permanent home. If I had kept her, I might still be riding the emotional rollercoaster of not knowing if I'd ever be able to keep her. KDTANNER:You have to experience the roller coaster ride of "foster to adopt" before you can expect people to jump on board for the ride. Not everyone is up to the challenge of loving and caring for a baby or child that can be removed from your home at any time with little or no notice. There is nothing scarier than knowing there is even a remote possibility that your child, whom you adore, could be removed from your home. Unless you've experienced it, you can't understand how bad it is for you and everyone in your extended family who has fallen in love with this child. Some people have this mistaken idea that there are so many babies or small children out there who are just waiting for homes but this is not the case. These foster kids have birth parents & extended birth families who may not want these children to be adopted. These birth parents still have legal rights to their children and are given MANY opportunities to get the kids back. It's not like you can just pick a little kid from foster care and adopt him. These hundreds of "legally free and waiting for a home" children you are talking about are over 8 years of age or are small children with severe medical problems". They have very special needs and need very special parents who are equipped to handle these kinds of issues. Not everyone can handle the challenges that come with parenting kids who have experienced abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse at the hands of birthparents- or have bonding issues from years of moving from home to home. StacyKelly As someone who as "been there, done that", all I can do is pray for you and your baby that the things work out okay. I hope you get some good news soon.

Kat-L, How heartbreaking! I am so sorry you had to go through that with your little foster baby. I'm so sorry the system failed her and you. You are soooo right when you said: "There is nothing scarier than knowing there is even a remote possibility that your child, whom you adore, could be removed from your home. Unless you've experienced it, you can't understand how bad it is for you and everyone in your extended family who has fallen in love with this child."Having lived through 4 1/2 years of this it IS that bad. It is terrifying and horrible beyond what anyone who hasn't lived it can imagine. {HUGS} to all of us going through this nightmare.

This is a heartrending situation I can barely imagine the stress and grief. I would look at options for literally moving to a state that protects you the most, if you can afford it somehow. I'd look at Maine for one; my understanding is they have strong laws favoring the child's best interest in cases like this (and the child's best interest is not served by removing a toddler from the only parents they have ever known). I'm sure adoption attorneys in various states could give you some ideas and advice.

The best way of avoiding the inequities and expense of the U.S. courts is unlikely to be adopting an older child from the State. International Adoption seems like a much more reliable way of staying out of our courts and avoiding any contact with the birth parents.

I guess International would have been cheaper given your legal issues. That said, its not helpful to think of that now. You just have to hang in there. The older your child gets the better off you will be. Length of custody is very likely to be taken into account.