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Hello everyone. We have a new preacher at our church. The other night we were having a meal at the building and he asked me if I have "ever had any problems with their real mothers." He was referring to my boys' first mothers. I told him absolutely not and I wish we could see them even more and wish we could meet the one we haven't met yet.He seemed confused but he got quiet and went on eating. I am wondering if I should have further educated him or if it was right to just let it go for now. We are planning on having him and his wife over for dinner soon. Do you think I should try and educate him then or wait until he blunders again?He is a very nice guy and meant well. He is just not involved in adoption and does not understand. What would you have said and/or what would you say if he were in your house?
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I would gently educate him over dinner, yes. My prior pastor had no involvement in adoption and we had a similar conversation about my title of birthmother.Just address it casually. :) He should respond well. My pastor did; he said it was always good for him to learn things like that.Of course, we'll have to go through something similar in the future w/ our new one, I'm sure! :)
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I probably would have asked something like "Do you mean their birthmothers?" and then "What do you mean by problems?" It's really hard to know what people are actually thinking when they ask this kind of question, and what kind of response they're looking for.
I would certainly take the opportunity to provide some gentle "adoption education" when he's in your home. Perhaps sharing your children's adoption stories? Talking about what led you to adoption as a way to build your family?
I think if the opportunity to talk about adoption comes up while he's at dinner at your house, sure, I'd bring it up. You always have such a positive outlook and are so articulate when you post that I am sure you will be able to gently enlighten him about open adoption relationships. I should think that type of enlightenment might be very beneficial to him in his position as a minister.
We have a friend who is a priest. When we brought our first son to meet him, he wanted to know if he should introduce our son to the other guests there as "our adopted son". We just said "our son" would be fine.
I know he meant well, and he was being thoughtful. Sometimes a gentle reminder is all that is needed.
:)
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When people haven't been around adoption they do need to be educated. You are a kind person and will know how to give your preacher a lesson on adoption. He will probably be thankful because I'm sure there will be others that come into his life and he will know how to handle some of the questions.