Am I in reunion - or - what happens next

Josh1788mum Wow wee.... That must have been totally mind-blowing. For you and for him!!! Firstly, congratulations on meeting your son. :cheer: You know...I have never seen a post here from anyone who got in the car, drove to their child/adult's city and then introduced themselves like you did. :woohoo: Whew....yet in your case it seems to have worked a treat. Well, like you said, you just have to go forward from here at his pace. I believe he's given you his suggestion. If there is anything I have learned in my reunion with my bson, it's that we have to build up some trust between us - trust that the other person is going to show respect and compassion for everyone involved and trust that you will not rush him into something he can't handle. You need to take small steps - he's willing to communicate on Myspace so I suggest you "friend request" and take it from there. You obviously have many friends and loved ones who care for you, but your husband sounds like the wise one to listen to in this reunion. Know that noone who hasn't been touched by adoption will have any idea of how obsessed you will become over the next few months with this "new" son. It's intense and sometimes completely irrational. But all worth it. I'll watch this spece for updates and wish you both the best as you find out new things about each other and start to form your own family memories. Regards Ann :flower:

Hi again I read another of your posts talking about your son's birthday and how you are scared to send too little, or maybe too much. I think most of us in the early days of reunion are just the same. I overcame the fear by telling my son I didn't know how to do this right and I needed some idea of what he felt was "enough". eg. If I received an email from him, did he expect a reply? And visa versa? I think if you share your fears and your anxiety about reunion "stuff" with the person you are connecting to, it starts an honest dialogue letting both parties share their feelings and thoughts. Just a suggestion......everyone's reunion is different but the general emotions are usually similar and I remember how keen I was to know everything - and how hard it was to wait and take things slowly. Ann

Thanks - wise words Kune. I sent my son one little note that he read but has not replied to. I figured, I will give him space. I may just ask him (in a while) how he wants me to go about this - like you said. Right now. I wanted him to know I was thinking about him, and I kept it light and tied to an event. I don't know what he knows or thinks about all this. He did tell me he thought it went well. He told me he was going to "find" me - although it would not have been hard for him as I am related to his dad. I think it was nice for both of us to not dwell on the reunion day - as upcoming. We'll see if he gets a quiet moment or two and sends me a message. If not, I will just lay low for a while. The frustrating thing is - he thinks his amom could not handle him re-meeting me. His bdad called him this summer, and he said his amom has not been the same since. They were very lucky to capitalize on my situation. My attorney (current attorney - not back then when I faught a really sordid adoption) told me this adoption would NEVER take place nowadays. I am glad no one will be victimized like I was, but I am still sad for my situation. I have lost the relationship he and I could have had. I have lost precious years with this wonderful soul. That hurts. And it makes it all the more frustrating that we can't jump in because the mom he feels a loyalty to is scared of losing him. She was the one who took him from me in the first place. She has had 18 years to get ready for this day. When she was in my house and my dad MADE me give him to her, she had to know I was coming for him. I petitioned their adoption hearing, but that was a joke. I did not appeal because, by that time, he would have been with them so long, it would've been so unfair to him. Now, we have to play to her emotional weakness. When do he and I get a chance? Sorry - this got really long - I have a lot pent up inside. Thanks for listening. I'd rather do it here than anywhere.

This email you might not like very well. You contacted a child who still lives at home and is in school. Legally that could get you in some trouble. Not a good idea. But that said, with in family adoptions that is always possible. His parents should or may have already prepared themselves for this possiblity. They may contact you next. You may get some nasty mail from the aparents so be prepared. Or they may want to just talk to you before you have more contact. I hope this works out for you, but take care of yourself and let him take the next step.

Thanks Scarlet for your kind words. Before I talked to my son, I had contacted both my current attorney and the adad. The adad is my dad's cousin. My attorney told me in West Virginia (my state and his) that I was legally allowed to contact him at 18. She also told me under the circumstances of his adoption - this would never have occurred today. Although that is irrelevant now to me, I am glad no one else will have to go through something like I did. Second, I contacted the adad twice. He told me on the first time that amom has known all along I never wanted this and has dreaded this day all along. I had asked if the four or five of us (my husband and I with aparents only - or all parents and my husband with son) could meet in a neutral location and talk together. He said "no but you are not doing anything behind my back - you have told me you are going to contact him." So, in that respect, I think all my bases are convered. I have been nothing but respectful of their family and their privacy. Hopefully, my son will get to make up his own mind now. I have done all I really can at this point in time. Now I am back on the waiting train. Thanks again. Erikka