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I'm in need of help. I'm looking for ideas for positive discipline. He's ADHD and ODD, however he's highly inteligent. He's winding our words around us and make logical reasoning for the anger he possess as well as the physical anger he displays.
We have stripped his room, made him earn everything back. And now we are having to do it again. I'm so confused as to what to do next.
I have heard of a points system that works for some, however I'm not understanding how it works or how to get one set up at home.
Are their any other ideas?
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I wish I had a good answer for you. Our 10 yr old very soon to be adopted daughter is also ADHD and ODD. So far I haven't found any magic solution. Every "point system" or reward system I have tried has failed. It ends up being one more way for her to try to control the situation.
The only things that have helped have been random positive comments and refusing to argue with her.
By random positve comments I mean positive feedback for all sorts of things. Wow, I like the way you brushed your hair today. Hey, I see you made your bed, good job! That was really sweet the way you just helped your brother. On and on. It is important that you compliment the action, not the child. So, it is that was really sweet, not you are really sweet. And don't assign value, like you are being "good" today.
She seems to be especially argumentative and exhibits more of the annoying attention seeking behaviors in the mornings. Part of that is due to the fact that her ADHD meds have not kicked in yet, part of it is because she has figured out that it is easier to irritate me in the morning when I am trying to get her two adhd brothers up and moving (most adhd kids are very slow starters, she is a definate exception to that rule). So now I take her meds to her in the morning and tell her I need her to stay in her room, and I need her to stay quiet for the next 30 minutes. This gives her meds a chance to kick in, and also shortens the time that she has to create havoc prior to leaving for school.
Most importantly, do not engage in a debate. When you tell him something and he says "Why?' he knows why. he is just trying to engage you. Walk away. I have never in my life been the type of person to lock my bedroom door, but I do so frequently now.
Also, there is a book called The Explosive Child, byt Ross W Greene that I have read twice and found to be helpful.
ODD is a tough disorder. People that don't deal with it cannot understand how truly frustrating it can be. I have three children, all 3 are adhd. Our adopted son also has an anxiety disorder. But the ODD has the deliberateness and the vindictiveness that make it so much harder to overlook and stay calm.
If he is not already seeing a therapist you need to find one for him. and make sure it is a therapist that is going to hold him accountable.
Good luck! You have my full empathy!
Just my .02...RULES RULES RULES...
Because my son acts defiant at times, and will say "NOOOOOOOOOOO" about going to his room (he's 9) when being punished, and then try to blame everyone for his wrong doings (he's not been diagnosed ODD...but he has a bad self esteem from his past and *was* blamed for everything by birth mom).
So, I printed up a rule sheet for the kids and posted it on my refrigerator. They had to sign it after they heard it to show they agreed to it.
Rule #4 is HARSH, but it has worked so far:
4. If you are sent to your room because of misbehaving, you are expected to go there immediately, NO discussion. If you whine or argue about your punishment (or make noises when sent to your room), you will have to go to bed 30 minutes early for 2 weeks and you will lose your allowance for a whole month.
YIKES...bad moma of the year award, huh? But, you know what...all I have to say now is "Rule #4" and he runs to his room and is quiet until it is time to come out.
Just one to "maybe" help.
I like your #4, but I don't think it would work with my fc. I am trying to find something that works. Going to bed at the moment is the problem, as are time outs. I wish!! I wish I could find something that mattered to him. It's all recent since November. Waiting for Pdoc call to give me some advice.