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I'm really in need of some encouragment and advice right now. Our like-twins are 18 months old and hitting all the "lovely" developmental stages of that age (saying no, biting, hitting, etc.) But what frustrates me the most is the destructive behavior. Okay, they probably don't think of it as destructive. They just enjoy empting drawers and cabinets, reaching papers on my desk, dumping food as I am setting the table. This week they learned to push chairs around to reach "new heights". So what was once safe is no longer safe at all. Cabinet and drawer locks have long been useless. This morning, I thought they were occupied with their morning juice cups so I took the moment to wash dishes from breakfast. Things seemed a little TOO QUIET. So I go on a hunt--the nursery is strewn with clothes, but the kids aren't there. The bedroom closet has been emptied of shoes and the alarm clock is flashing 12:00. My son is soaking wet and the wooden endtable is covered with juice from his sippy cup. Then in the time that it took to change my son who was very upset that I removed him from this situation, my daughter emptied the container of hairbows, ribbons, and tiny rubber bands throughout the office. She "helped" me clean up for a bit, but then left to dump over the one bin of books and one bin toys that we had out at the moment. Meanwhile, my son climbs up the coach to reach the Christmas tree in the bay window. And this is all before 10:00am at which time I just turned on Seseme Street and went to the other room to pray and cry. So, I feel like I'm raising brats. I feel like I'm the wost mother in the world with only a shread of patience left. I've been hoping to start the "time out chairs", but at least one has been sick 70-80% of the time in the last 3 months. Is it terrible to put a kid who doesn't feel well on time-out? It feels that way. I don't think I can hold one set of rules for the sick one and one set of rules for the well one. But I'm afraid I'll never have a window to start this particular discipline. Advice wise ones??:yoda: :yoda: Perferably before someone burns the house down:firefighter: Or I completly loose it :clown:
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As for time out, chairs may not work for the younger set. Do some googling on time out by age of child. Toddler age suggest a minute for the age of the child in a SAFE area; crib, playpen, gated area. As for frustration, anger, biting, etc, redirecting their anger/frustration by helping them find a new task is an often touted way to deal with children who don't quite grasp logic and reason just yet (such as young toddlers). Oh, and as for the stuff they're tearing up? Have you put child safety locks on the drawers, the closet doors, etc? And as for cleaning? I don't bother until Nick has gone to bed for the night or down for a nap. Normally, I can get his play area cleaned before he wakes up from a nap so that he doesn't pose a danger to himself by trampling over toys, etc. Other than that, as long as there is no danger, I just let it be.Best of luck. :)
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When my twin girls were that age, we used a playpen for containment when they were getting into things they weren't supposed to. We would say "no" and move them to the playpen for a brief timeout.
Wish I could tell you it gets better - and it does - but it will get worse before then. Three years old was the toughest for us!
Tried cabinet and drawer locks. They learned how to work those at about 10 months old. No, I don't mind toys everywhere. I just wait until the end of the day to clean it up. I do mind my purse unzipped and dumped...ruined lipstick, car alarms going off because the keyless entry was pressed, my wallet emptied, palm pilot jammed. The purse was in the center of my desk. I do mind them reaching for food as I'm setting the dinner table. They could spill something hot on themselves. I do mind the kitchen drawers being emptied because as DS takes each serving utensil out he licks it!!! Today, just since posting they pulled over the Christmas tree (only 4 1/2 feet) and broke the stand. It was in the bay window, blocked by the sofa, but they climb. And yes, all the ornaments were non-breakable. There's only so many more things I can mount 6 feet high on a wall. I KNOW that many times they know what they are doing is wrong. DD will hide when she gets a hold of the purse. Today they came and got me when they pulled the tree down. "Tree Mommy Tree Tree Tree." Our ped. suggested a car seat as a timeout chair-- one min for every year of age. But what about when they are sick? What about when one is sick?
I strongly suggest you make their world a LOT smaller. When my son was that age, he never had free run of the house. I gated our family room and that's where he spent the bulk of his time, usually with one or both parents there, too. (It also included the powder room and laundry room, so I could do laundry while in there with him.) That's where his toys were, too. If I was in the kitchen cooking, etc. he would be in the family room -- I could see him from there. I don't think he was allowed in the rest of the house freely until he was almost 3. When he was about 2 1/2, I moved the gates so that he could also go in the kitchen. But the few rooms he was allowed in were baby proofed -- knobs off the wall unit, glass coffee table out, anything breakable or enticing off the tables. I even gated his room at night once he was out of the crib at age 2 -- he could get out of the bed if he wanted but the gate was in the hall to keep him from the steps. (Oh and when he learned to climb over the gate, I stacked two gates one on top of the other -- the kind that press against the wall. I wanted him where I knew what he was up to. You can't get INTO stuff that you can't get TO. As for time outs, I think there should be a place for them to have to sit, sick or not sick. Two minutes on the step isn't going to hurt them and consistency is the biggest thing! Hang in there -- it is a phase and they will get over it. Twins or almost twins are always so much harder with this.
In my personal opinion, illness is no excuse for bad behavior. You said you feel like they *know* when they are doing something wrong. Therefore, they should be "time out-ed" whether they are sick or healthy. Bending the rules and changing the consequences for breaking the rules when a child is sick simply reinforces that they can "get away" with stuff. Again, simply my opinion and what has worked with my children.
With my purse, I had to put it on a shelf in the hall closet for the longest time to keep it away from my girls. They were and are fascinated with it for some reason. Now, at 5 1/2, they've learned that Mommy's purse is private and they are not to get into it without permission.
Have you considered one of those large gate-type systems where you create an enclosed play area? I'm not sure what they're called, but they have this interlocking panels that can create as big a space as you want.
Good luck to you!
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So sorry it has been one thing after the other! I just told my husband over the phone that it has been a hard day and night (almost 4 month old baby) but I see there are other things to come! As I read your post, I can only think of what others have said. I also second the try at the gate--like Happytwinsmom said, there is one that is like a "pen"--you can make it big or small, and adjust it to shape it just by moving it around. It does sound like maybe a little too much freedom. They want to see how everything works (by taking things apart) and everything needs to be a small place now. A friend told me she would place her one year old in his exosaucer when he would repeatedly get into something he knew he was not supposed to. She said it was the only handy place to put him where he couldn't get out.
i remember when my almost twins were almost 2. i always said how does 1+1=20. the destruction was incredible. i did live through it though. now my almost twins are 12! i put anything i didnt want broken away in a box on the top shelf. we probably took it back out when they were 5. keep the stuff in your house to a minimum, less to throw around, less to clean up. always wear good tennis shoes. the best advice anyone ever gave me!
My daughter does not have the run of the house. Sometimes easier said than done. I am lucky that I can gate her in the family room which is next to the kitchen. I can do the dishes and see her at all times. When she repeatedly gets into something not allowed she gets put in her highchair for a short period. She is now 18 months and all my friends smile and laugh and say oh it has only just begun! I'm getting scared really scared.
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Ah the explorative stage... my advice is to get the book "Love and Logic Magic for Toddlers" by Jim Fay & Foster Cline, read it and use it. It takes some patience at first, but we have found it to be really helpful.Remember at 18 months it's not malicious, it's curious. They're learning about cause & effect and about interacting with a brand new world. Time has no meaning to them and consistency of reaction is key. Think of them as little mad scientists. Child restraint locks are puzzles. "Do that one more time..." has no meaning to them. Different reactions to same behavior are a conundrum...."The last time I dumped the bows mommy laughed....this time her face is red and she's yelling...hmmm...why? Let's do it again and see which one we get."Best,Regina
Although I don't have advice yet on how to change the behaviors (we're 4 months behind you), I did want to say I've been a little worried about "agressive" actions of my own toddler's.I recently read where at this age, it's not an indicator that my boy is going to be rough or agressive or less loving - it's a completely natural developmental and learning process where they're learning and testing boundaries, cause/effect, and expending energy! So while it may seem (and may be!) destructive, the underlying causes aren't poor reasoning on the kids' part, but just a really challenging phase for us parents to handle while they're growing up! So while you'll still have to cope, don't worry that they're heading down a bad path, like I've been doing.....
This will sound unconventional and I am sorry. I wanted to state that before everyone gets bent out of shape. We in this household have only had two incidents of biting. one with my son and one with my daughter. My son bit me when he was about the age of your like-twins. I bit him back, not hard, but enough to get his attention and the same for my daughter. We have never had an issue with that again. As far as them getting into everything, may I suggest setting up one room just for them? This way you could gate it off, and it would be 100% childproof, this way you can keep you sanity and keep the rest of your house disaster free!!!
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Would be awesome to hear and update!!
But I have a question.. I realize the children were born a month apart? Can you explain completely what "like twins" are? I am guessing it means siblings brought together via adoption *both or one of the pair* that are very close in birthdates. Good guess? or more to it?
We are adopting in the future here, soon as our process is ready to, and first we considered someone our sons age, thinking how cute it would be if they were in same grade/classes. We thought it would be cute in response to questions to act dumb and say... they are twins. So I think this if I "get it" it's awesome that there is actually a true term for it.
Strangely there is a profile of a little boy that is only a few months of age younger then our son that I had to do a double take, I thought it was a photo of our son.
GeeGee, I don't know much on this topic, but I know a lot of people advise against 'twinning' - adopting child the same age as a child you already have. I would just suggest that you really look into this issue and get the pros and cons. I would think it could be tough on your existing son. Good luck. Chrstine