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One month ago you were a part of me. I gave you everything you needed. I was your warmth, your food, your home. Today you are a part of someone elses life. She can give you everything that I could not. But I will always be here for you. I will love you forever, whether we are near or far. I miss you every day and dream of your gorgeous little face. And just because I am not your Mommy does not mean that every day I do not thank God for letting me be your mother.
I miss you and love you and look forward to the day when you will be not just in my heart, but in my arms again.
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I'm doing as good as can be expected i suppose. its been a crazy month with the holidays and stuff so i havent gotten around to getting any professional help yet, although i am ready to. i'm not entirely sure how to go about doing that as i dont have a lot of money and dont have insurance to cover it, but i do plan on finding a way.DD was placed three weeks ago yesterday, and her amom expressed a desire for there to be an open relationship, but i havent heard from her yet. i realize its a busy time for her as well, especially because she got the call that she was getting a baby after she was born. I know she had a lot to do to get ready in a very short amount of time. having said that i am getting worried that maybe she has changed her mind or something. i know it is way to early to be worrying like this and that there is plenty of time for a relationship to be established, i just wish i heard something, anything, from the amom. i sent a letter for the amom and for DD to the agency for them to forward for christmas/the holidays (I dont know if DD is being raised to celebrate christmas so i tried to remain vague). i still feel good about the decision, just uncertain about the future, which terrifies me. i'm just taking things one day at a time and trying to get through another day.
One day at a time is the best way. Live each day as fully as you can. Are you going to college or school of some type? I ask because, while not adoption specific, counseling is usually available through the school at no cost. I hope the amom takes a little time to let you know how things are going. I didn't see my son from the day I signed the final papers until he was 33. The hardest thing for me was not knowing if he was alive.
i graduated from college in may so i believe that i am no longer eligible for the counseling services unfortunately. however, that did make me think that if i contacted them maybe they could point me in the right direction...the baby was placed through a foster/adoption agency that does weekly visits to check on the family so i have spoken to the social worker and she has given me updates so far. i cant imagine going 33 years, you must be an amazingly strong woman. i wish you continued luck with your reunion....i've read about your christmas plans :) good luck!!
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