any reunions without much roller coaster ride?

I can't say my reunion has been totally roller-coaster free, but let's just say the bumps are minimal. I attribute this to having a lot in common with my birthfamily, socially and culturally. Even though we spent 35 years apart, our family histories are remarkably similar and we agree about just about everything. In other words, these are people I would be great friends with even if we weren't related. This probably helps us with communication issues...what's "normal" for me is also "normal" for them, and we all seem to suffer the same little quirks, so when one of us does or says something that hurts or puzzles another one, we are able to talk things out easily. I can't say that there haven't been times that I haven't wanted to run away or haven't "pulled back" a little...I guess it's just because I'm so afraid of them doing the same thing, if that makes any kind of sense. Things seem like they're too perfect, or I get too emotionally caught up in them, and I have to take a little time to breathe. This feeling is dwindling though as we start to establish our own histories (we've been in reunion for a year and a half). My reunion is really one of those perfect outcomes that a lot of us only dream about, but the emotional impact has been overwhelming - good for the most part. I guess I have experienced some of the stages of reunion, but they aren't as intense for me as they are for others. I'm very, very comfortable with my birthfamily and don't expect that will change.

Reunions - I believe that there is not a one without emotions involved. No matter how wonderful they are, they are by their very nature emotional. My reunion has been one of the best experiences of my life but there have been times that I have had to "shut down" for a while simply to manage all of the feelings! People who are not adopted could not possible understand. But people who are adopted are reunited understand perfectly. Best wishes on your reunion! Hugs Snuffie

Thanks Snuffie and Irisheyes33,I'd say that even as an adoptee before I reunited, I wouldn't have understood the complexity of reunions. I was under the impression that reunion would be just all joy and happiness, sort of like Nemo in 'Finding Nemo' or friends at a class reunion. I certainly didn't realize all the other emotional pain and confusion that could ensue post-reunion. Before my reunion, when I heard from adoptees who spoke about their own angst, pain, etc; (whether they'd searched/reunited or not) I used to think, "well I certainly don't have any of those problems, so maybe I've 'come to terms' with my situation more easily than others". Little did I know that I'd been in denial all my life until I did the reunion and the flood of painful emotions finally were unleashed. Interestingly enough, my adopted brother (he's from another birth family) has expressed a bit of interest in starting his search now that I've done mine. When he'd first heard from me about my search/reunion, he'd written something to the effect that while he understood that my adoption had been an issue for me, he hasn't any issues about adoption. And his curiousity in his search is only for the sake of his wife's interest and his daughter, not his. Mind you, my brother's the only person amongst my friends and family who remained deafeningly silent for a long time after hearing about my reunion, so I wonder whether, like me, he's denying how much adoption-related emotions lie beneath his relatively disinterested surface. What I've said to my brother is that according to most of what I've read so far about reunion, it can be a really intense emotional roller coaster. So I'm wondering if I should also pre-fix what I've said by adding, "But some reunions have actually been relatively smoothe and 'painfree'". In any case, I'd still be interested to hear from other adoptees and/or their birth family members to hear if they feel didn't encounter alot of the pain, etc; post-reunion and to hear about how things went well for them. Is there such a thing as a 'happy reunion'? Regards,

I met my bmom 12 years ago. I had no preparation and flew across the country and stayed in a hotel for 2 nights and met up with her for a couple of hours each day. While I was there I was very emotional (in my hotel room alone) when we were together it was rather akward and not much discussed about my adoption past the initial why questions. I got back on a plane and returned to my state of denial for the next 10 years. We have exchanged 'Dear John" style Xmas cards since the meeting. She is a closet birth mom who told my bfather and her husband (the father of my 3 half siblings) ONLY. That made me feel like a regect and loser again. (I felt like that growing up but never thought it was anything to do with being adopted) Anyyyyway, having 2 children in the last 3 years has brought up lots of emotions about being adopted and especially about having a bio connection (seeing myself in my children was a first!) by coincidence she worte last year that she may come to visit, so all year I've been thinking about that and realized that I wanted her to come out about me to her other children....so I wrote her a letter and she sent a nice reply that she too would like to out herself to them (and her siblings). So now I wait,,,, but it is very emotional as I haven't told my parents that there has been any contact since the meeting (12 years ago) So I have to talk with my parents about it too, which I'm not looking forward to as it has never been a topic that my mom has brought up (hence why I feel that there is shame attached to being adopted. Oh so many issues. I ramble here, sorry, just trying to get these quick thoughts down while my kids nap and I aviod cleaning the bathrooms!!

I just found my birthmom about two weeks ago, and I made contact right away. I wrote a letter and included my contact info and some pictures. Three days later my brother called me and we had an incredibly uncomfortable 20 minute phone call. It was nice, but I didn't even know what to say. He answered a few questions I had, and I was contacted the following day by my birthmom. I could tell they were both very emotionally impacted by my letter and by speaking on the phone, but for some reason I was not. I think I am still in shock because the whole thing happened so quickly. We have not made specific reunion plans yet, but I think we would all like to meet and spend some time together in person. I will let you know how the process goes, since I am in the initial stages, but I guess what I have found to work so far is to just be completely upfront, try to have no expectations, and just mentally prepare yourself for the worst case scenario. Going into this, I had no idea if my bfamily would want to meet me or talk to me or have anything to do with me. I know the circumstances of my adoption were financial, but you never know what changes in 22 years. I was worried that maybe they put me out of their minds, and that my contacting them would be harmful to them. So far this doesn't seem to be the case, and I think as long as we don't rush or force any kinds of feelings on ourselves or on eachother, it may just be a smooth ride. Galen